


Feeling All Out Of My Element

by Asukachan07



Series: WestAllen AUs [16]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Barry Allen & Iris West Friendship, Barry Allen & Oliver Queen Friendship, Barry Allen Is A Smooth Operator, Coming of Age, Everyone saw the red flag, F/M, Light Dom/sub, Linda Park & Iris West Friendship, Professor Iris West, Slow Burn, Student Barry Allen, Taboo, Time Skips, some music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:35:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 85,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23307649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asukachan07/pseuds/Asukachan07
Summary: The student-teacher taboo relationship that no one asked for. It's not as bad as you think.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Iris West, Minor Iris West/Others
Series: WestAllen AUs [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1471967
Comments: 105
Kudos: 126





	1. I Thought I Knew Everything

**Author's Note:**

  * For [only1tonid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/only1tonid/gifts), [Vani_vani](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vani_vani/gifts).



> Blame it on only1tonid for the plot and Vani_vani for the (half) teenage drama. It's all their fault! I'm not even lying.
> 
> Work and title chapter from "We Belong Together" by Mariah Carey.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris never questioned her friendship with her younger friend Barry Allen. He was the most innocent kid in the world, and she was his proud former babysitter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to hell for this, but won't some of you come with me? Kidding, this isn't bad at all...Not that much.
> 
> On a much more serious note, there is a mention of child marriage as a real practice in our world, but not as a particular event happening in the story. Sorry if it triggers or upsets anyone, my sympathy to all victims.

1.

When she met him, Iris West found Barry Allen to be the sweetest, happiest boy ever. She'd been fifteen years old, him five.

 _"I'm almost six!"_ he'd specified with his adorable toothless front and his pretty green eyes, slightly enlarged by the thick lenses of his corrective glasses.

Babysitting the neighbors' kid never felt like a chore to teenage Iris, quite the opposite. She'd just figured out her vocation as a teacher and she loved helping Barry with his fun homework. He was bright and obedient. He smiled all the time. He was quiet, but not shy, and there was this restlessness to him that at first she'd attributed to some minor attention problems. But then she'd figured out that he simply wanted to do more than his tiny body allowed him to, though he was oddly self-conscious about his own limitations.

 _"I don't understand what you're doing,"_ he'd say, almost ashamed, whenever he would stand on his tiptoes to peer at Iris' homework.

 _"I can't carry you to bed like you do for me,"_ he'd whisper apologetically after shaking her awake whenever she'd fall asleep watching cartoons that he loved but that bored her to death.

In response, Iris would confess that she didn't understand much of her math assignments herself, and would reassure him that as his babysitter it was _her_ job to carry him to bed, not the other way around.

When Barry's mother Nora got sick, Iris would gladly distract the boy from missing her by taking him to museums, movies, and the vast central public library, his favorite. 

It was during her senior year of high school that she'd first suspected he had a crush on her.

 _"Tall bearded irises...They don't sell those in flower shops on your birthday,"_ he'd lamented during a visit at the Central City Glass Garden, after wandering off to ask questions to one of the tour guides about some of the flowers. _"They go dormant in June, when they should be blooming for you!_ All of them, _not just the purple ones!"_

Iris had smiled, very endeared at the idea that Barry wanted to offer her her namesake flowers for her birthday. He always remembered to wish her a happy birthday and Henry would pay her extra if she could spare a moment of her time to celebrate with her youngest friend. That year would be the last one they could spend it together because Iris would be off to college afterwards.

She did manage to visit every other weekend or so once she started classes at CCU, and would play with him during school breaks.

 _"That little boy adores you, it's so cute,"_ Iris' mom Francine would say the first few years of their acquaintance.

By the time Barry was ten, it was clear that he was very smart. The boy would claim to be too big to be babysat, but his father would still ask Iris to watch over him, worried about Barry feeling lonely because his mom had passed away and Henry himself was too busy to be at home all the time.

Apparently Barry had problems making friends at school too, which Iris found hard to believe. He was so social! He was incredibly intuitive when it came to reading other people's moods. He always cheered Iris up, especially when she was doing a poor job at hiding that she was upset about breaking up with yet another boyfriend who accused her of spending too much time with her 'white shadow'. Even Iris' best friend Linda avoided visiting her whenever she was watching over Barry.

 _"He gives me those dead cold glares when you're not watching!"_ Linda would say to justify keeping her distance. _"He's sweet, alright, but only for you, girl."_

Though Iris considered Barry a younger friend rather than a surrogate younger brother, she was very protective of him, and she wasn't ashamed of it. The kid had lost his mother! Why couldn't people be more sympathetic of an innocent little orphan?

The first time she saw Barry's lovely freckled face bruised, Iris had almost cried in outrage. _Who_ would hurt such an angel?

Barry was a real trooper about it, and though he got bullied quite frequently he only cried to her about it once, when his glasses got broken as a result and he'd feared upsetting his father. That was the time that Iris had snapped, and she'd gone to his school, had yelled at the first teacher that she saw, then got that Hartley boy's address and had gone to yell at _his_ babysitter.

Of course, Henry sat her down the next day after the school had called him about his son's feral babysitter. But instead of lecturing her, Henry had thanked her profusely for caring that much about Barry, and had only asked that she be less aggressive the next time she defended him.

Her outburst got the bullying to stop at least, and for a couple more years Iris' peacefully managed her time between college, being a student teacher at her alma mater Central City High, hanging out with Linda, and keeping company to Barry when neither his father nor Iris' own parents could watch over him.

Unfortunately, Henry started traveling for work, so Barry had to go live in Star City with his maternal uncle when he was thirteen.

 _"I'll visit you during the summer, okay?"_ Iris had promised him after hugging him tightly at the airport, her heart breaking at his sorrowful face.

They'd been of a height then, and Iris hadn't put on any makeup to be able to get Barry to check in early, so a few people had mistakenly thought that they were both kids.

 _"You're still very young, you'll have a whole lifetime to be together,"_ a well-meaning grandma had told Iris as she waved sadly at Barry when he got past the TSA.

When summer did come, however, Iris was too busy teaching to travel out of state. Barry took it well, as he thankfully had made fast friends at his school in Star City and had quickly adjusted to his new life with his uncle and his uncle's wife.  


At the end of that year Iris finally graduated with her English and Education double major, and then became a full time teacher. Although she still had days off every school break, she couldn't fit a trip to the west coast between grading papers and assignments, hanging out with Linda, _and_ dating Keante.

But she made up for her physical absence from Barry's life by being virtually present as often as possible. People could say whatever about the evils of the internet, Iris Ann West was grateful that she could use social media to see her little bear grow even taller and kinder and smarter.

* * *

2.

Barry was the one to surprise the Wests with a visit on Thanksgiving the year following his move, and initially Iris thought that she could only see him for Thanksgiving dinner with her parents. She had shopping plans with Linda all morning of Black Friday, then she had her first date with Scott Evans, a young anchor reporter at the largest news network in Central City, CCPN. Then she had to spend the weekend grading papers and assignments and submitting her poetry anthology to the public library, which had been the only institution interested in her creative work.

Iris ended up bringing Barry with her to the mall because she couldn't stomach the idea of him being all alone at the Allens residence. He'd declined her invitation to use the spare room at the Wests' residence, and Iris was a bit upset that her parents hadn't helped her convince Barry to change his mind.

Linda's jaw dropped when she first saw Barry, but she hugged him hello anyways and eventually smiled and laughed with him and of course she found him useful for carrying bags.

When Linda and Iris were done with the frenzy shopping, Barry decided to stay at the mall to play arcade games. Iris reminded him to go home early and have dinner with her parents, laughing at his eye roll when she suggested helping him with homework before she started her grading.

Iris' date with Scott that evening was going well until it got interrupted when Barry called Iris in the middle of it, sounding frightened and hurt and asking if she could pick him up at the mall.

"Just get him an Uber," Scott suggested in such an insensitive tone that Iris didn't feel bad for walking out on him.

Barry had somehow gotten into a fight with high schoolers who'd picked on him, and Iris couldn't believe that security hadn't caught those bullies. The officers escorting him were at first dubious that Iris was an adult, and she barely contained her outrage as she handed them her driving license _and_ faculty school ID. Then they were more than eager to let her take Barry away.

Barry had gotten away from the fight with a bruise on his jaw, but he assured Iris that he was fine.

"Oli won't believe that I didn't run away," Barry commented proudly when they arrived at the Allens empty residential and Iris rushed to ice his face. "He says that running is for cowards."

"Who's Oli, already?" Iris asked absentmindedly as she frowned at the existence of the bag of frozen peas she'd actually found in the freezer.

(Was she tripping, or did this kitchen smell recently used? Had she carried the delicious scent of her barely eaten lasagna from the restaurant?)

"Oliver Queen," Barry's calm answer alarmed her.

"The billionaire's son?!" she exclaimed, almost dropping the frozen bag.

"You know him?" her younger friend asked innocently.

Who _didn't?_ Oliver Queen was nationally-renowned for being a troublemaker. When he wasn't getting into a fight with some famous personality, he was sleeping with some famous personality's daughter...or sister...or _mother_. More importantly, Oliver Queen was _nineteen years old!_

 _And you're almost ten years older than Barry,_ she reminded herself, then sighed out loud as she dropped the melting bag of peas on the kitchen counter.

"Iris?" Barry called out. "What's wrong?"

What was wrong was that, because of Barry, she'd left in the middle of her most anticipated date since breaking up with Keante... _Because of Barry._

Back when she was with Keante, Iris had been trying to find a good balance between her professional and personal life. Teaching high schoolers full-time was stressful, to say the least: she felt like she was the one person who could either turn each of her 'kids' into responsible and successful adults, or fail them and watch them become bitter, unfulfilled individuals down the road.

So talking to Barry via video calls had been a bit of an indulgence, because he was in a way her 'first kid', and he was far from being an adult but _look_ how polite and hardworking and kind he'd turned out. Yes, Henry and Nora had done the hard part, but Henry himself credited Iris for Barry's great adjustment to the loss of his mother. And sometimes she'd be overzealous and would talk to him about her lessons and he didn't mind, he loved to learn and he asked her questions that _then_ helped her improve her lectures in class. He made her a better teacher all the way from Star City.

But maybe Iris had been inconsiderate rescheduling one or two dates with Keante to help Barry do his homework or to have him ask her questions about a topic her students clearly didn't get, and maybe she had been obnoxious accidentally calling her boyfriend 'bear' when he did something really sweet but then refusing to make it a thing when Keante said that he liked the pet name. And Iris definitely shouldn't have given Barry Keante's phone number to reach her when her own phone was dead, which happened all the time.

Iris genuinely couldn't remember when she'd given Keante's contact information to Barry, but she must have texted Barry from Keante's phone first, and anyway it had seemed like a good idea to have her boyfriend and her friend who was still a boy get to know each other. She obviously had been wrong, because Keante had suddenly felt threatened by Barry's presence in her life and had started asking Iris for more time than she was willing to give, because that would have meant reducing her social media time with Barry.

So, yes, Iris should know better than to put Barry above her dating life again.

She sighed, then walked to the living room to remove and hang her coat (it was too late for dinner with her parents, she would order pizza or something), then she grabbed her purse from the couch and pulled out her cell phone.

She had to apologize to Scott and subtly try to get a second date—she wasn't _that_ desperate for a boyfriend, but Linda who also worked for CCPN had guaranteed that Scott was a catch.

"You look stunning, Iris," Barry blurted out from the kitchen threshold just as she was checking her new emails.

She couldn't be blamed for her shock: Barry had never complimented _her looks._ He'd always expressed his appreciation for her kindness, patience and helpfulness, and he would at times compliment her great sense of fashion back when she was in college, but he'd never called her pretty or beautiful like everyone else who seemed to think that she needed to hear that. And Iris herself had stopped complimenting Barry's looks after her mom had eyed her weird when she'd say that Barry looked " _smart, as in handsome_ " a few weeks before he'd left for Star City...

Oh.

Now that she thought about it, Iris now understood the security officers' skepticism about her age: Barry himself looked tall and smart enough to pass for a young adult with his retro-frame glasses, his red button-down shirt and his slim-fit black jeans. They'd likely thought that Iris was just like him, a kid in grownup clothes.

Iris was a bit to blame for Barry's mature wardrobe: she'd gone shopping with him when he kept growing out of new clothes in mere weeks between age twelve and thirteen. His limbs had been too long for polo shirts and khakis! And since he worried about standing out in school, Iris had gone against an expressive wardrobe. That had only left classic shirts and jeans, all in solid colors.

Iris herself only wore boring clothes and heavy yet natural makeup to teach because, according to Principal Meyers, no one would take her seriously if she blended in with her students.

"Thank you Bear," she said with a quick smile before looking at her phone, staring a bit too long at her email inbox while she quieted down the giddiness bubbling in her belly from hearing such a flattering compliment from the friend who saw her face through a screen almost every day.

Of course Iris knew that she was attractive, she'd known for a while. She wasn't vain, but she wasn't blind either, and she had put in extra effort to look nice for her date. If even Barry had noticed, then Scott must have too. So it was very possibly that her ruined date could be salvaged after all.

 _Stunning, though_? She thought as she looked up and to the side to scrutinize Barry. _That's not a common word in the vocabulary of a fourteen-year-old. I hope that Oliver Queen isn't teaching him to become a womanizer like him!_

Barry did look like he meant his compliment though, looking a bit dazed as he fully took her in now that she was out of her trench coat.

Iris giggled and shook her head at him when he blushed and looked away—hey, she was grateful that he wasn't yet at the stage when he considered anyone older than twenty-one too old to be good-looking!

"Who are you calling?" Barry asked as she put her phone to her ear, but he accordingly lowered his eyes in apology when she frowned in admonition then stepped towards the front door to have some privacy.

"Iris," Scott said calmly as he picked up after the second ring. 

"Scott, hey," she greeted shyly. "Listen, I'm sorry for earlier, I shouldn't have left like that—"

"Don't worry about it," the journalist reassured her though he did sound upset. "Linda did suggest I reschedule our date because some spoiled kid of yours was visiting from out of town? I meant to ask you if he was a younger relative or a former student. He's not _your son,_ right?"

"No, he's not my son, I don't have children," Iris quickly clarified while she internally reeled about Linda telling her date about Barry.

Yes, Linda and Scott worked at the same place, but they weren't that close, so why would Linda tell him anything about Iris' personal life? And when had she contacted Scott, before _or_ after Iris had showed up with Barry at the mall?

"Ah, alright, good to know," Scott commented with a little chuckle. "Sorry, I was expecting the worst because so far you've been too perfect to be true..."

"What do you mean, 'the worst',?" Iris questioned him sharply. "There _are_ young single moms out there who deserve to date just like everyone else!"

"Did you miss the part where I called you perfect?" He asked back, amused.

"You said 'too perfect'," Iris quoted his own words, getting louder despite herself, "which clearly reflects your insecurities. What, can't a woman ever satisfy all your criteria? She has to have some hidden flaw that you need to bear with, or she's abnormal?"

"Iris, come on," Scott chided her lightly. "I was just trying to compliment you. You're very beautiful and yes I got a bit anxious when I couldn't immediately find flaws in you because, let's be honest here, _no one_ is perfect, couples always need to compromise—"

"We're not a couple," Iris reminded him, trying to sound calm because Barry started calling her name, saying something about food?

"Wait, who's that?" Scott asked sharply. "I heard some guy's voice."

"That's Barry," Iris replied simply. 

"Iris, is lasagna alright?" Her young friend asked as he stepped into the living room, the sleeves of his button-down folded up above his elbows, his too expensive watch showing. "Or did you already have dinner?"

Lasagna? Oh, so the kitchen _had_ been recently used! When had Barry learned to cook, though? Iris definitely hadn't taught him, she sucked in a kitchen unless she had to bake a recipe involving chocolate.

"No it's not," Scott denied bluntly on the phone. "You said that Barry is _a kid,_ and so did Linda, but I'm hearing a _man's voice_."

It was true that Barry looked and sounded more mature than his age, but Iris was used to it. 

On top of boosting his self-confidence when he felt too gangly and uncoordinated while he was growing an inch per week, Iris had also encouraged him to stick with choir practice even though his changing vocal cords had made him sound terribly out of tune for months on end. He had a musical ear, probably inherited from his pianist mother, so it must have been horrible not to be able to sound exactly like he meant to for so long.

Barry wasn't in any choir in Star City but Iris made him learn and sing her favorite songs all the time: soul, blues and old school R'nB pieces. As a result, Barry was shaping up to have a smooth tenor voice. He claimed that he still didn't have full mastery of his new voice, but to Iris' untrained ear he sounded great, most importantly he didn't squeak or croak anymore.

In any case, Scott had just given Iris another hint that he was too insecure for her tastes.

"You know what, Scott, I think that it was for the best that we didn't start anything that could've turned serious," Iris admitted as she raised her hand to ask Barry to wait for her.

"Yes, I think so too," the journalist bit out, "because you clearly weren't taking this seriously from the start. You should've told me that you were already seeing _someone else!_ "

"Bye Scott!" She replied flatly before hanging up on him.

She rolled her eyes at herself for even trying to call him, then smiled at Barry, who smiled back, and God why couldn't men her age be drama-free like him?

_Well, he's only drama free because I raised him that way, I suppose,_ Iris reflected internally. _Most people aren't that levelheaded at fourteen. I wasn't._

"Did you say something about lasagna?" She asked enthusiastically.

* * *

3.

" _Iris Ann West,_ in the kitchen, _now!_ " Joe West barked in his 'I'm your cop father and you will listen to my rules and obey them,' voice, which Iris hadn't heard since she'd been Barry's age, and his total opposite in attitude: short-tempered, rebellious, and a terrible student. Her knowing that she was attractive? Yeah, well, she'd known since she'd grown a chest at twelve years old, and her parents had had a hard time getting her to behave.

When she'd missed one curfew too many going to parties with Linda and her cool older cousins, her dad had sat her down and sworn to arrest every single person who'd allowed her to smoke a cigarette, drink a beer and make out with high school boys if she tried to break his rules ever again, starting with the Parks. Iris had been grounded for an entire year, and her condition to be allowed to go out again had been to get a job. That's when, coincidentally, the new neighbors had been looking for a babysitter to watch over their only child.

It had been _ten years_ since Iris had heard that threatening tone from her dad, so coming downstairs after taking a quick shower before heading back to her apartment, she was a bit confused.

"No need to use that tone, _Joseph,"_ Iris' mom chided her husband. "She's an adult, not a teenager anymore."

"Exactly!" her dad almost shouted back.

"Dad, mom, what's wrong?" Iris asked as calmly as her growing confusion allowed.

She blinked at the twin stares she got from her parents as she appeared at the kitchen table, then sighed when she looked down at herself.

Alright, her CC High oversized sweater and leggings were not the most glamorous attire, but that's all she'd found in her old room that was comfy. She hadn't planned on staying overnight...Well, the _few hours_ of the night she'd slept.

"She sure as hell looks like a teenager!" her dad made the snarky comment before pointing at a chair across from him.

"Because of the genes _you_ passed on to me," Iris mumbled under her breath as she carefully drew out the chair, making sure not to drag it noisily lest her dad say that it was teenager behavior too.

Her exasperation at her dad's stern look turned into real panic when her mom gently gripped her hand on the table.

"Sweetheart," she started, then sighed, looking sad, but then glaring at her husband. "Well, go ahead then!"

"I'll only ask once and you better tell us the truth now," Detective Joe West threw at her right away. "Have you done anything illegal with Barry Allen?"

Iris blanked for a moment, her sleep-deprived brain taking longer than usual to process simply constructed sentences.

"Illegal," she repeated, looking at her mom, who smiled at her encouragingly. "Like, what, giving him alcohol? Smoking? Even if he'd asked—which he never would, it's _Barry_ —I wouldn't give it to him."

Her mom bit her bottom lip but seemed satisfied with her answer, whereas her dad's frown deepened.

"Why would you even ask me that?" Iris questioned him with a chuckle. "I swear, you scared me for a second—"

"That's not what I'm talking about, young lady," her dad cut her off. "Let me rephrase my question: have you done anything illegal _to_ Barry Allen?"

"Okay, I'm the English expert here," Iris reminded him, "so your article change doesn't make sense unless..."

What.

What the fuck?

Was this a dream? 

"Is this some odd nightmare?" She asked out loud. "Because I could have sworn that you just accused me of having _an inappropriate relationship_ with Barry. Barry, who is _fourteen_."

"No, this isn't a nightmare," her dad replied, "and I didn't _accuse_ you of anything. I asked you whether, _yes or no_ , you—"

"Of course not!" She cut him off this time. "What the fuck dad?"

"Iris Ann West!" Her mom reacted right away, lightly slapping the hand she'd been holding. "Watch how you speak to your father!"

"I will when _he_ watches how he speaks to me!" Iris talked back, her furious glare trained on the cop. "What's wrong with you, dad? Where is it even coming from?"

"From the fact that you spent the night with a _hormonal teenager_ who's had a crush on you since the day you two met," it was Francine who answered, her voice calm and composed. "Going into his father's house with him in a very enticing dress."

"First of all, _you_ said that the dress was _gorgeous,_ not _enticing,_ when I sent you a picture of me in it yesterday," Iris reminded her mom, "second of all: we stayed up late playing _videos games_. And finally: did you guys _spy_ on Barry and me from the window? Why didn't you call me? He was supposed to have dinner with you guys, yet neither of you bothered to check on him when he didn't show up!"

"We'd hoped that he'd gone back to Star City since you'd told him that you had plans for the whole weekend," her dad confessed. "Boy gave me a heart attack when he showed up at our doorstep on Thanksgiving, of all days!"

"Wait, what? Wait..." Iris stuttered, her brain threatening to short-circuit as it belatedly processed all the crazy statements her parents had made in the past couple of minutes.

But she was a teacher, and a writer, so if there was one thing she was good at, it was organizing ideas.

"Alright, please humor me," she requested evenly, "and answer a few questions I have for you two."

"Of course, Sunshine," her mom agreed right away, then tilted her head expectantly at her husband.

"Go ahead," he allowed magnanimously.

"Am I tripping here, or you two _do not_ like Barry?" was her first question.

"The boy is a good kid," Francine answered first with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "It's just that..."

"He's had his eyes on you since before his eyes were supposed to see anything in you other than his _babysitter_ ," Joe completed the sentence.

"Right, let me correct you here," Iris countered seamlessly, "yes Barry _had_ a crush on me, when he was eight? Nine? But that went away and he now has this girl he likes a lot, Felicity. Smart girl just like him."

"How old is she?" Iris' dad asked.

"Fourteen, I think? They're in the same class," Iris estimated.

"Did he say that she's his girlfriend?" Iris' mom asked next. "Did he even explicitly say that he likes _her?_ "

"When I asked him if he liked her he answered yes," Iris recalled clearly, "but no, I don't think he's worked up the courage to ask her out yet."

"Courage?" Detective West repeated with a snort. "That boy is bold as brass, he don't need no courage to ask a girl his age out, not when he's already had the gall to ask _my girl_ in marriage!"

"Aww, dad!" Iris couldn't help laugh at her father's seriousness. "He was _six years old!_ And you four let us get married by Mr. Dinosaur! Hey, didn't we film that fake wedding ceremony? I'm sure Barry would want a copy—"

"Iris," her mom called out, and Iris tensed up.

Her mom never called by her first name. She normally used sweetheart, honey or sunshine, then her full name if she was chiding her for something. Just 'Iris' was reserved for the time when Francine West wanted her full attention.

So Iris listened.

"Last year, Barry came over during the summer," her mom recounted in her lawyer's voice, "after both Henry and Nora's brother called us, telling us that they couldn't reach you, to which we replied was normal since you were probably teaching so your phone was off."

Iris remembered that. When she'd called Henry back, he'd told her that it was a mistake and not to worry about Donald's call either. She hadn't asked any further question, and when she'd texted Barry he'd assured her that everything was okay.

"Barry had left Star City without telling his uncle," Francine kept going, "and had booked two tickets for Vegas—"

"With a fake ID," Detective West added.

"With a fake ID," his wife lawyer confirmed, "which claimed that he was _eighteen years old_. He'd told Henry that he was going to marry you, and had come to ask us for our blessings."

Iris blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.

"That was clearly a joke," she reasoned calmly. "Which is why Henry told me that his call was a mistake, and why Barry never said a word about it."

"Barry was very serious," her mom corrected her, "and was devastated when we told him that of course not, we _wouldn't_ give him our blessings, even if he meant to wait until he truly came of age for you two to consummate your marriage."

"Mom, come on!" Iris exclaimed, half-fond half-exasperated. "Like he's not smart enough to figure out that the marriage certificate would be null since he wasn't actually eighteen—"

"I can't help but point out that your first argument isn't that you _wouldn't_ marry him," her dad stated flatly.

"Because that went without saying," Iris talked back in the same tone. "Like I said, it was just some dumb joke—"

"Iris Ann West, would you listen to us?" her mom demanded, uncharacteristically loud. "That boy is obsessed with you, and he _wants you_. Not like a teenage boy wants a girlfriend, like a man wants a wife! You know what he told us after we refused to give him our blessings? That it was okay, that he would wait until he turned eighteen, or maybe not even then, as long as you loved him back nothing matters because so many laws are stupid, and there are always ways to bend them..."

"Jesus," Iris whispered, the gravity of her parents' words registering as she recalled a conversation with Barry. "He once asked me about some news he'd watched about child brides in...I don't remember the country, in sub-saharan Africa for sure. I sugarcoated things, lying that most of these girls got married ahead of time only on paper because minors getting married is illegal everywhere. That the practice of child marriage was just a way to make sure that both parties respected their promise to marry..."

"There are child marriages officiated _in this country_ ," the D.A. informed Iris, who gaped at her. "Almost all of them involve younger brides rather than younger grooms, granted, but the practice has been established here since the creation of our oh so proud nation. That marriage certificate _would have been valid,_ Iris, especially because Barry _can_ pass for an adult. You helped him do that."

"What? Mom, no—" Iris started objected.

"You meant well honey, _I know_ ," her mother amended as she held her hand tightly. "We all remember how lost and upset Barry was when he hit his growth spurt, and we all feared that he'd get bullied again because his clothes just wouldn't fit. The nice clothes you got him were a bit loose at first, but he filled them perfectly within a year, and then he got that new pair of glasses, and he was _so pleased_ to be able to pass for a high schooler, because _you too_ can pass for a high schooler, sweetie. With little or no make up, with your hair out and with the right clothes, you look underage."

"Like you do _right now_ ," Iris' father commented coldly.

Iris looked back down at her lounging attire, not at all feeling comfy in it anymore.

"When Barry asked us not to tell you anything after we denied him our blessings, then you told us that he and his father seemed off that day, we decided to keep that incident a secret," Francine resumed. "After all, you were too busy to visit him in Star City, and we thought that maybe he'd just been through his rebellious phase, right Joe?" She asked as she looked at her husband.

"You yourself were pretty wild around his age," the cop recalled as he looked at Iris, "and we were only shocked because until then Barry had been a perfect kid. Many teens do worse, and they certainly don't ask for adults' permission to do what they want. But the boy had gone back to Star City, and one time you even told us that he was very happy there, so we stopped worrying about that day...Only for him to show up unannounced this Thursday. Again."

"And until your animated chat before, during _and_ after dinner on Thursday, we really hadn't realized how often you two communicated," the lawyer admitted. "And the way he looks at you, Sunshine...Well, it's as if you were the sun, quite literally, but it's _wrong_."

"If only he were the _right age,_ " Iris' dad wished with a sigh and Iris' heart constricted at how distressed he looked when he ran a hand over his face then rubbed the top of his head. "Like I said, until that incident last year we had nothing to fault him for, not even his crush on you. The boy is polite, hardworking, not at all spoiled even though his mother is from old money, but that can be attributed to Henry and to you raising him right. I'd like to think that we contributed to his education too. So yeah, had he been ten years older, we would've gladly given him our blessings. God knows that he would be a much better fit than those boyfriends of yours."

"I'm too shocked to feel offended by that last statement," Iris drawled in an attempt at levity, and her parents did chuckle with her.

"But honey, you could get in serious trouble if anyone else noticed how close you two are," her mom pointed out. "You're a teacher, can you imagine—"

"There's _nothing_ to imagine, because she's going to cut all ties with that boy," her dad told his wife before turning to his daughter. "I'm sorry for interrogating you like a crime suspect, baby girl, but I had to make sure that we were..."

Iris almost yelped at the sound of the doorbell, she was so on edge.

"No time like the present, I guess," Joe West commented flatly as he fixed her with a stern look. " _Go,_ tell him to go back to Star City, and he's going to the airport using the Uber app we all know he's subscribed to, because you're _not_ giving him a ride there."

"Okay," Iris agreed out loud as she stood up to obey her father, while internally she was devastated.

Just last night she'd had an amazing time with Barry! He had made lasagnas, which had tasted just as good as the one at the restaurant, and then they'd watched a movie, then played one of his video games, a popular shooter game that Iris had surprised Barry being good at because she actually played the mobile version with Linda, and playing on console was so much easier.

She'd realized then how much she'd missed her younger friend, despite FaceTiming and texting him all the time. It wasn't the same. She'd slept little but very well, knowing that her little bear was safe right across the street.

And now, just because he'd been a bit extreme about his crush for her, she was supposed to cut him out of her life? Seriously, it was probably a joke, maybe a dare from Oliver Queen—

"Iris, hey!" Barry greeted Iris like he had countless times before, and yes, she'd seen the adoration in his eyes at times, but she'd thought that it had departed the emerald of his gaze a while ago.

Instead, it had hidden behind longing (for her physical presence, she'd thought), probably at the same time as desire had positioned itself in a way that Iris, oblivious to Barry's long-lasting feelings, hadn't been able to detect.

But Iris could see all the emotions showing in his eyes now, and part of her was relieved that her parents had figured out a solution to this problem because she felt overwhelmed by the revelation that _Barry Allen was in love with her._

The other part of her, a side of her psyche she'd thought gone since after she became Barry's babysitter, the metaphorical devil on her left shoulder that was louder than the angel when she was going through the worst stage of puberty, whispered seductively:

**_Well, you can always wait until he's legal to have a taste of that love. He did say that he would wait._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always welcome!
> 
> I was actually revisiting season 1 to get inspired for chapter 2 of "It Can't Be Science," but instead of working on completing a WIP, I created a new one. Day 16 of confinement, and I'm out of control.
> 
> If this story is too controversial for you, I have regular Teenagers AU fics: "Pot, Meet Kettle" and "High School Never Ends." 
> 
> If you haven't yet read THE West-Allen Teenager AU, "More Than Nice" by Poppyseed29, do it ASAP!


	2. I Was Stupid, I Was Foolish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The prelude, the fallout and the aftermath of Barry and Iris' separation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is in Barry's POV. I changed the chapter count because of course I did. No West-Allen love in this one unfortunately, lots of angst instead. Forgive me? And I couldn't find a way to make this chapter shorter.
> 
> There's a brief, realistic talk of race. I don't think it even deserves a warning, there's no racial slur, but it's used to taunt and mock and it wasn't pleasant to write so I doubt it will be pleasant to read, but maybe you'll laugh a little.
> 
> Lots of time skips, so here's a break down:  
> 1\. Star City: A few weeks before Iris broke up with Keante.  
> 2\. Central City: Black Friday when Barry stayed behind at the Mall  
> 3\. Central City: The moment after Iris opened the door from the end of last chapter  
> 4\. Star City: Four years later  
> 

**1\. Star City**

"Barry, pick up the damn phone!" Oliver ordered.

"Don't yell at him!" Lyla admonished him.

Barry kept staring at his phone screen.

He'd saved the number as 'Linda?' since Iris had texted him through it a few times before when her own phone had been out of battery. However, last night Iris had told him that Linda was in L.A. for a cousin's wedding, and Barry didn't believe that she would call him while the ceremony was happening.

"Barry, if you don't pick up the damn phone!" Oliver threatened as he rounded up the couch, but Dig intercepted him.

"Easy, man!" John advised right before Felicity returned with Pizzas.

"They didn't forget the extra olives...Barry what's wrong?" She asked as she dropped the boxes of pizza on one of the DVD shelves in the Smoaks' living room.

Barry walked to her and extended his arm to hand her his cell phone.

"No, _you_ pick it up, Barry!" Oliver instructed. "Don't be a coward."

"No c-word, Oliver!" Lyla reminded him sharply, then softened her tone as she spoke to Barry. "He's right, though, Barry. You need to pick up the phone yourself."

"Okay," he agreed, taking a deep breath.

"Speak clearly, man, no mumbling. You got this," Dig encouraged him right before he finally the green button and put the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" He greeted.

"Yeah, hi, may I speak to Barry?" A male voice requested.

Definitely not Linda.

"This is he," Barry informed, his throat going dry even though he'd downed a lemonade not ten minutes ago.

"Barry? I _know_ that name...Do you know who I am? It's Keante!"

"Keante, Iris' boyfriend right? Hi," Barry greeted again now that all doubts on the caller's identity were gone.

"Alright, alright," Keante repeated, sounding a bit nervous. "So you know that I'm her _main guy._ Dude, what's all this? She always use my phone to text you when her phone dies. I always assumed that it was Linda, but Linda was on a plane yesterday and Iris still texted _you_ updates on where we were going as if you were meeting her next. And these texts are full of all cutesie emojis and I'm supposed to believe that you're a friend... _with benefits?_ You're her side piece?"

"What, no, no!" Barry hastened to correct Iris' boyfriend, wincing when Oliver jerked his hand around and pointed at his own lips.

 _"Chill. Speak slowly and coherently or they'll know that you're just a kid,"_ Oliver often told him when he dragged him to clubs Barry definitely wasn't allowed to enter.

"No, I'm not her side piece," he spoke up evenly, but had to pause because Dig and Lyla exploded into quiet but dramatic laughter, and even Felicity hid her smile behind her hand.

Oliver just rolled his eyes.

"I _am_ Iris' friend," Barry confirmed. "We used to be neighbors, she was my...tutor and—"

"Babysitter, right?" Keante completed the sentence, amusement in his voice. "You're _that_ Barry. Huh, so you're one of those tweens whose voice changed too early? Must be tough for you at school, boy."

"It's _Barry_ ," Barry corrected him sharply, not paying attention to Oliver's nod.

He hated when people called him _boy_. He was fine with kid, but not boy, not from anyone who wasn't old enough to be his parent.

"Yeah, Barry the _little boy_ ," Keante insisted, then laughed. "Dude, I was stressing out for _nothing_. Of course Iris doesn't have a side negro—wait, you're white even. Pfft, I'm a fool. Alright, kid, my bad—"

Never mind, Barry didn't like 'kid' either. Not from Keante's mouth anyway.

" _It's Barry!_ " He therefore repeated, his voice sharper and louder. "And what does my _skin color_ have to do with _anything?_ "

"Chill, boy," Keante advised him condescendingly. "I'm just saying—"

"Call me boy, or kid, or anything else other than my goddamn name _one more time_..." Barry heard himself threaten, then paused, looking to a wide-eyed Felicity, equally speechless Lyla and John, and a smirking Oliver.

"What you gonna do, little white boy who's got a crush on his black queen babysitter, huh?" Keante taunted him. "You moved out of Central City, right? Did you land in some boring small town where there are only Beckies and Natalies*? Did you realize how _privileged_ you were meeting a fine woman like Iris now that she's gone?"

"What?" Barry was confused for a few long seconds before he understood what the other guy was talking about, and he felt himself blush for some reason, which was stupid.

He didn't like Iris because she was black! Yeah her skin was very pretty, and he was always amazed by the number of hairstyles she could come up with for her hair, but it wasn't her outward appearance that made him fall for her!

He'd always been careful about complimenting her looks because his dad had once come back from a teachers-parents meeting and had sat him down and made him promise not to ever make any 'remark' about Iris' skin color or anything that identified her as physically different from him...which was basically _everything?_ So Barry always complimented her clothes instead, because all girls bought clothes from the same places, right? But Iris wore her clothes _better_ , she always looked elegant and confident but she still managed to look friendly, which unfortunately for Barry meant that every guy on the block thought that they could just interrupt their talks to compliment her looks. While Barry himself _couldn't_. That was really infuriating.

"Anyways," Keante's voice brought him back to the phone conversation. "You can fap to pictures of Iris all you want, I'm the one giving to her, because I'm a _real man_ , not some tween who—"

"Don't talk about Iris like that! Shut up!" Barry barked at Iris' _boyfriend_.

Of course he wasn't ignorant, he watched porn, but he really didn't want to imagine Iris naked with another guy, that just made him sad. Last year, Barry had thought that the marriage certificate would subtly pass the message to her that she should just wait for him to...you know, but then he'd returned from Central City without Joe and Francine's blessings and with a carefully planned trip to Vegas wasted. He'd been all the more depressed when Lyla had pointed out the flaws in his logic, and Oli and Dig had laughed at him for _days_.

"Go play in the sand with kids your age instead of monopolizing Iris' free time, _boy_ ," Keante advised him. "She already has to deal with kids for work, when she gets home she needs to relax and that's when I come in and—"

"Shut up, shut up!" Barry shouted. "And Iris can spend her free time however she wants. She _likes_ spending time with me, don't think you're special!"

Because he _wasn't_! He was just one more boyfriend in a long series of failed relationships and bad dates. That's what Iris had said about Tony, her last high school boyfriend, who was _white_ so Iris didn't care about skin color either. Only ignorant people and bigots did! Dig and Lyla were together and it wasn't a big deal!

"Don't think that _you're_ special, boy," Keante three right back at him. "You think that Iris cares about you? She's just nice with everyone, always has been."

Wait, that was true Iris was amazing like that, but what did her boyfriend mean by _always?_

"What do you mean by always?" Barry voiced his thought.

"You think that you're the only one who's known Iris West for a while?" Keante asked rhetorically. "We were in the same middle school. I remember when she was wild and fun, though I gotta admit that I'm glad she didn't turn into a slut like the way she was heading—"

"I told you not to talk about Iris that way!" Barry reminded him sharply, feeling like crying when Keante laughed at him.

"But everyone who matters knows her parents _forced her_ to babysit you so she'd stay put until she grew out of her hormonal phase," Iris' boyfriend said, and how could he talk about her like that if he loved her?

 _He doesn't_ , Barry decided. _None of them love Iris like I do. They don't know that she's too good for them, that she's perfect and they suck!_

"She's all grown now and she doesn't need no little white kid with a disproportionately deep voice hiding behind her skirts," Keante kept going. "Go find some nice Becky your age and get _into_ _her skirt_ , okay kid? Maybe wait a few years for that, you're still a _baby_."

Barry's self-control was reaching its limit. A _baby_?

"When you do though, don't forget to use condoms~" Keante said in a higher pitch and some dumb singsong tone. "I'm sure Iris naggs her students about safe sex. I would know, we never do it raw—"

Barry hung up and threw his phone to the nearest wall. It broke in a satisfying _crack_.

"What the fuck, Barry!" Oliver and Dig exclaimed at the same time.

"Barry, your phone!" Lyla chided him more gently.

"It's a mass-produced consumer good and all his data is backed up, chill guys," Felicity reminded everyone as she placed a hand on Barry's shoulder. "The new iPhone is out, and it's not that great but I'll customize it for you, yeah? I'll make it special. Are _you_ okay?"

Special.

 _"Don't think that you're special, boy,"_ Keante had said, but Barry knew that he was special to Iris.

She always told him how smart and hardworking and kind he was, and she used to call him cute and even handsome but she didn't compliment him on his looks anymore, and that was fine because he knew that she cared about him, she always told him that. Barry _knew_ that she meant it.

In fifth grade, the last time Barry remembered crying, Iris had been very upset about him getting bullied at school. Barry had tried not to cry about it because it was his own fault, usually he knew how to interact with people, with _everyone_ : kids his age, older kids like Iris, and adults like the teachers at school or even Joe and Francine. He'd read lots of books about social cues and body language because he'd wanted to know if Iris felt the same way for him, and he'd understood that she _didn't_ so he'd been more careful about showing his feelings because according to the books he was very obvious.

He'd known from the start that Hartley didn't like him so he would keep his distance, but on the playground Hartley and his friends would push him around and make him trip or throw play balls at him and they _wouldn't_ leave him alone. And Barry had tried to fight back when running away or reporting them to Miss Collins and Mr. Johnson hadn't worked, but it was three or four against one so he had no chance of winning from the start. 

So Barry had let himself cry to Iris, just that one time, pretending to be worried about his broken glasses, hoping that she'd hug him that much tighter to make him feel even better than usual.

She'd done that, _then_ she'd pulled him in her car, had driven to his school, had yelled at Mister Johnson and had made him give her the address of the Rathaway's main residence, _then_ she'd driven all the way to that big villa and had lashed out at Hartley's guardian, who'd vainly tried to assert herself but had ended up cowering to Iris' fury.

_If Hartley or any of his friends touches a hair on Barry again, I swear I'll come back here and I won't play nice like I'm doing right now...What? Who cares who the Rathaways are? Get me in trouble? My mom's a lawyer! My dad's a cop! Who do you think will get in trouble, huh? You heard that, Hartley? I know you can hear me! You think that you won't get in trouble because you're special? My Barry is special too! In fact, he's the best kid in the world, so you won't ever again ruin his day at school or I'll come back here! I know where you live now!_

And the bullying had _stopped_. After Barry's dad calling the principal hadn't changed anything; after Miss Collins and Mr. Johnson scolding Hartley hadn't changed anything; after the principal calling Mr. and Mrs. Rathaway hadn't changed anything...Barry had cried that _one time_ , and Iris had made his problem disappear. _Just like that_.

Someone tell him how he was supposed to fight his already big crush on her after that. It was impossible. His feelings grew and transformed whenever she'd compliment him while looking like he was a wonder when it was her who was wonderful; whenever she'd patiently wait for him to stop being sad about his mom, humming cheerful tunes that made him hum along in his head; whenever she'd appear at the locked door all rushed out and worried even though she'd told his dad that she couldn't watch over him, and she'd take him to the library so that she could still take her tests but keep him company too.

And then sometimes she would hug him and ruffle or kiss his hair when he tried to cheer her up when she was sad about breaking up with her boyfriends, and once she cheered up she'd say how none of them really mattered anyways, how she didn't need them in her life to feel complete because she had her career plans and her family and Linda and _him,_ Barry.

So yeah, Barry knew that he was special to her. Keante _wasn't_.

 _"Go play in the dirt with kids your age instead of monopolizing Iris' free time, boy,"_ that rude dumbass had said?

 _You're the one monopolizing the time she could be spending with me!_ Barry thought.

How could he get Iris to spend more time with him, though? He did not want to bother her, she was truly stressed out by school, she thought that her teaching style sucked...

Oh.

She could show _him_ the topics her students weren't getting right! Off course it would be harder for him to understand, but Iris always said that he asked good questions. Students didn't want to sound dumb in class by asking questions, so maybe they failed because they didn't tell Iris what they didn't understand about the lesson. And Iris couldn't answer everyone's questions in class since she had to lecture too. But Barry alone would definitely ask enough questions for the whole class, and Iris had time to answer all of them.

And since they were friends, she wouldn't mind reviewing her lessons with him, right? They could always change topics if she didn't like speaking of her work with Barry. But she really loved teaching, and he really loved learning new things from her, so he believed that it would work. And if she had to choose between him _plus_ work and Keante...That was two versus one.

"Barry?" Felicity's voice brought him out of his musing. "Are you okay?"

"What did he say to rile you up like that, Barry?" Lyla asked him.

Barry stared, mortified. He didn't want to repeat Keante's words.

"I've never seen you so mad..." Felicity commented as she finally spared a look to the broken phone.

"Didn't know that you had it in you to break anything _on purpose,"_ Dig admitted, half-teasing.

"Good for you telling that guy to shut up," Oliver told Barry with a firm nod. "And for following up with your threat. He called you boy one more time?"

"Yeah, yeah," Barry half-admitted half-lied.

"So what you're going to do about that Keante, 'side piece'?" Lyla asked as she walked over to the pizza, and Dig and Felicity failed to hold their laughter at that.

Barry kept holding Oliver's gaze as he organized his thoughts.

"Keante isn't my problem," he said carefully. "I don't care about him, I care about Iris. I just have to...make her focus on what I know matters to her."

Oliver grinned.

* * *

**2\. Central City**

"You little shit," Linda said when Barry answered her call, but he moved his jaw carefully before speaking, the pain of the punch he'd received thirty seconds ago aching like crazy.

"One moment Linda, please," he requested before leaning out of the way of another punch, then kneeing the guy who tried to give it."

Two down. The other two look like they were rethinking this whole beat up. Was it worth it? All because of some damn best score on a stupid game. They could just go back to the arcade and keep playing until the mall closed in order to beat his score. How were those guys older than him? They were as petty as Hartley Rathaway in fifth grade!

"Guys, let's go," one of the two still standing decided before helping their leader up, while the other helped his other fallen friend.

"Thank you for waiting, Linda" Barry spoke on the phone again as he watched the high schoolers scurry away.

He tucked his pride away to savor it later. Linda first.

"You weren't supposed to know that I texted Scott with your phone," he confessed. "I expected him to send his reply when I still had your phone so I could delete it before you saw it."

"When did you even pickpocket...Oh, it fell in one of the bags I kept piling on you," The sports reporter recalled. "Iris was the one who put it back in my pocket when I was making you load all the bags in the trunk. Alright, I deserved it."

"You _didn't_ , and I'm really sorry, Linda," Barry apologized. "I'm sorry for using your phone without your permission, and I'm sorry for being such a brat to you before. You're Iris' other best friend, we should get along."

" _Other_ best friend? You're saying that you are her best friend too?" Linda echoed just as Barry spotted security officers speed-walking towards him.

Should he run? They were still far enough, he'd outdistance them in no time.

 _Running is for cowards,_ he reminded himself.

"Yeah, I'm her best friend too," he confirmed.

 _For now that's all I can be,_ he reflected.

Barry would come visit her every school break if he needed, to remind her that he was there for her, he _and_ Linda were there for her, and she didn't need those guys.

He couldn't confess his feelings to Iris yet, he'd have to wait three years and four months for that. He would become a legal adult six months before he started college, and during those six months he would make Iris start looking at him as _more_ than a best friend...

"Yet you tried to _sabotage_ her date," Linda pointed out sharply on the phone, bringing him out of his thoughts. "By the way, Scott said that if Iris herself didn't cancel first, he wouldn't either. So your little tactic didn't work, hun. As a co-best friend, I'll let this slide and won't tell on you to Iris, _if_ you promise not to do that again. Okay, Barry?"

"Really? Thank you Linda! I won't do that again, I promise. Thank you so much," Barry said cheerfully, feeling terrible about his white lie.

Technically, he truly was done using text messages to sabotage Iris' dates. But that's not what Linda meant and he knew it. 

_I'll make it up to Linda,_ he promised himself. _I should be nice to her anyways, not out of guilt. She's funny and smart and she makes Iris smile and make all those cute sounds...I don't want her to hate me._

"Hey Linda I really gotta go, sorry," he warned Iris' first best friend as the security officers got close and started gesturing at him.

"Alright brat, go," she allowed. "With any luck I won't see your deceptively cute face for another four years or something. Get a girlfriend _your own age!_ "

She hung up first, and Barry sighed before pocketing his cell phone and letting the security officers seize him.

He had _just_ come up with a plan to cancel Iris' date with Scott, but there was something in Linda's words that made him uneasy, about his 'deceptively cute face'.

 _She's right, I'm being deceptive,_ he reflected. _I need to do better. BE better, otherwise I won't be good enough for Iris either. After Scott, I'm done. I wouldn't even be doing this if he wasn't the one ruining my plans in the first place. Iris should've told me about that date before last night!_

Earlier when he'd parted ways with Iris, Barry had pretended to be annoyed by her eagerness to help him with his literature homework, but he had actually anticipated that because he'd repeatedly let her know that he was putting it off.

His initial plan had been to convince her to stay for a homemade dinner after she helped him with his homework, and maybe movie night? He'd bought DVDs of movies he knew they both liked. 

But last night during Thanksgiving dinner, Iris had shared the news of her first date with some reporter named Scott Evans after her Black Friday shopping with Linda, and Barry had panicked a bit. He'd had a fitful sleep and had made the lasagna around dawn to calm his nerves and growing despair. He'd even done his homework, it wasn't that tedious when his mind was going sixty miles an hour. When Iris had texted him that she was coming over to take him shopping with her and Linda, he'd remembered that Linda was also a reporter...And during the shopping he'd heard the confirmation that Linda had been the one introducing Iris to Scott...And Barry had seen Linda's phone drop in one of the shopping bags while she dragged Iris ahead to another store...Felicity always said that she needed practice hacking cell phones... 

In the end, texting Scott through Linda phone hadn't worked, but now that he was in trouble at the mall...But what if Iris didn't pick up her phone? What if she didn't care that he'd gotten into a fight? What if she simply told him to take an Uber home and wait until she returned from her date?

 _She cares about me,_ he reassured himself as he handed his student ID to the security officers. _She'll come...right? Maybe if I sound panicked...Damn it, Linda's right: I'm a deceptive little shit._

* * *

**3\. Central City**

"Barry, you need to...you need to leave. Go back to Star City." Iris said without greeting him back, and Barry felt his smile fall at the distress in her voice, and her facial expression, her whole body language screaming _reluctance_ , and the cute comfy clothes she was wearing adding to the picture of fragility she was projecting.

 _What happened?_ He asked himself, but then it dawned on him. _Oh, shit. Her parents told her everything, of course they did...Fuck!_

"Iris, please, I can explain," he promised right away. "I never meant to upset you, I swear—"

"Are you in love with me, Barry?" Was not the question he'd expected, _at all._

But it was the question she asked after closing the door behind her and walking past him to sit at the top step of the porch.

Barry had planned on confessing so much later in the future, but he guessed that he had to lay all his cards on the table now.

"Yes, Iris, I'm in love with you,", he answered after he sat across from her, "and I know that you might thing that it's not right, that it's wrong, but I don't agree...How could _love_ be wrong? I love you so much Iris, and I know that you love me in your own way and _I know_ that I can make you happy if you gave me a—"

"How did you plan on making me go with you to Vegas and sign that marriage certificate last summer?" She asked next, quietly, her voice still shaky but there was a calculating edge to it, and Barry felt like he was on trial, like Iris was channeling Francine's lawyer poise. He felt guilty, because he _knew_ he was guilty.

Of being too young, stupid and foolish.

"Barry!" Iris called out to him, and he blinked, almost smiling at the mere fact that he was in her physical presence instead of seeing her across a screen, but he remembered that he was on trial.

Iris was his judge, jury and executioner, and it seemed more than fair to him. 

"How?" She reiterated.

"D'Angelo's comeback, do you remember?" He tried to ease into the facts. "He performed at the Cosmopolitan..."

"You got tickets for _that?"_ Iris asked, clearly in awe.

"...and with the Music and Art festival and the Jazz festival approaching, I was sure that we could hunt down a few of your other favorite artists too," Barry kept going, sadness coating his voice now that he remembered how excited he'd been about that trip. "Stevie Wonder, Erykah Badu, Kendrick Lamar, Maxwell...Not all of them would've been there so early, but there were other celebrities around we could've asked for autographs. But I knew that you were really excited about D'angelo's comeback..."

"Why didn't you..." Iris started but then paused and got back on track. "Alright. So we would've gone to Vegas. But the marriage certificate. How would you have _tricked_ me into signing it? And then not talk about it?" She questioned him in a clear accusing tone this time.

"By saying that it should remain an inside joke," he confessed as he wrung his hands together, realizing how stupid it sounded, even after his friends had told him so last year. "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right? And it would be a remake of our first fake marriage with mister dinosaur..."

Did Iris even remember that? She blinked rather than open her eyes wide in recognition...Barry really was a stupid kid to care about something that was clearly insignificant to her _._ How could a _real_ grownup like Iris find that fake marriage funny? It was so dumb.

"How long would we have stayed there?" She asked him sharply after an odd pause, and Barry took a second to catch up to the subject change.

"Five days, since we had the school turnover from summer to fall," he answered then, his mind working hard to remember the details of that getaway. "Tuesday afternoon to Saturday afternoon. D'angelo's show was on Friday night, so I was thinking of visiting one of these infamous chapels while we waited for it, I...I had a fake ID, it was just for that! I don't use it to do anything illegal...Well, Oliver had it made for me so I can go to clubs with him, but I don't drink alcohol or anything! The ID is just for entry...Anyways, yeah I was supposedly legal for a Vegas wedding, but if the joke upset you, the concert would've cheered you up and we'd still have half of Saturday to make better memories—"

"Oh my God, Barry!" Iris exclaimed breathlessly, her fingers going to her lips, shock coloring on her face.

 _No, please don't hate me,_ he pleaded internally.

"I know, I know, it was stupid and wrong, I realized—" he amended as calmly as he could.

"I would've done it," Iris confessed just as the front door opened and Joe showed up behind it.

Wait.

WHAT?

"Iris, why is he still here?" Joe asked coldly, and for a few seconds Barry was back in that guilty criminal mindset. If Francine joined them too, he was done for.

"Can you give us ten minutes, dad?" Iris requested impatiently, and Barry was glad that he wasn't the one at the end of her father's glare.

"Iris Ann West—" Joe started with his voice raised, but his daughter didn't let him finish.

"He's my friend, dad! _Barry's my friend!_ " Iris almost screamed, and Barry could swear that she was ready to stand up and fight the man who had taught her all that she knew about fighting.

_She's still calling me her friend,_ Barry noted with relief, and hope started bubbling in his chest...

"Is ten minutes really too much to ask, to end an _eight-year long_ friendship?" Iris asked then, her voice small, her demeanor turning from fierce to meek.

To end...?

"No, of course baby girl, take your time," Joe conceded softly, sympathy taking over his expression, but he spared a nasty look at Barry before closing the door.

Barry couldn't even be mad at Joe. He couldn't even feel guilty anymore, or remorseful...

His brain refused to process his emotions because surely he'd die from heartbreak if it did. He was in self-preservation mode now.

But...

"Iris, you said that you would've signed the marriage certificate," he had to point out, to make sure that he'd at least heard that right. 

To make sure that he hadn't been totally delusional about one day making Iris fall in love with him. To make sure that he hadn't imagined that she cared enough for him to have seen him in a romantic light if he wasn't underage.

"When my parents told me about the marriage certificate, I _did_ immediately think that it was a joke," Iris rushed to tell him. "We did get a fake marriage when you were six, in fact when dad told me that you asked him and mom for their blessings I thought that's what they were referring to. Doing it all over again would've been goofy but definitely not upsetting...I definitely wouldn't do it _now_ , but last year? _In Vegas_? In the middle of having so much fun with you? We would've visited all those museums too—Barry, you've always wanted to go to the Las Vegas Natural History Museum! It would've been so educative and entertaining at the same time."

Tears were building at Barry's lash line, blurring his vision.

When he'd booked the tickets for Vegas, he'd only focused on activities that would've pleased Iris, but of course _she_ would've thought about the activities that would've satisfied _his interests_ too. 

God, he loved her so much. And he'd been such an idiot. They should've gone to Vegas last year, he shouldn't have told Iris' parents anything. Things would've been so different!

"Oh and the Springs Preserve, you know?" Iris kept going, smiling as if she wasn't going to kick him out of her life in a few minutes. "The only reason why Las Vegas can still be called that? Do you remember what Las Vegas means?"

"'The Valleys' in Spanish," Barry remembered indeed. "porque existían manantiales que creaban extensas áreas verdes que contrastaban con el desierto que las rodeaba donde había agua de manantial en abundancia para los viajeros del oeste,"**

" Estás aprendiendo español en la escuela?"** Iris asked, shocked. "Why didn't you tell me that?"

"I'm not learning Spanish," Barry answered what he believed was her question. "I learned that sentence by heart from Wikipedia, to impress you if we ever got to the Springs," he admitted sheepishly.

"Aww Bear," Iris reacted fondly.

She had minored in Spanish on top of double-majoring in English and Education, which was why it had taken her five years to graduate from college. She wanted to eventually volunteer teaching English in the predominantly Spanish-speaking community of East Central-City. Not even a month ago she'd absentmindedly mentioned that she should get working on that. But he'd never brought up the subject again because of course he didn't want her to be busier than she already was, it would mean less time for them to talk.

He had been _so selfish._ How much of her time had he been hogging all these years? How many plans had he ruined for her? Keante had been right all along. 

Barry's heart almost stopped when Iris suddenly dissolved in tears.

"Barry, I'm _so sorry!_ " She cried out.

"What? Why?" Barry questioned her as he scooted closer but kept his hands to himself.

Was she regretting telling him to go? He wasn't angry, if she changed her mind everything would...

"I failed you, didn't I? All those years I'd been doing things _wrong?_ " Iris asked between sobs. "I should've encouraged you to hang out more with kids your age when you were still here in Central City, instead of making you spend so much time with me. I took you to the library _all the time_ so you would read books or play computer games while I did my homework and studying. I was supposed to watch you play like a normal kid _at the playground,_ I was supposed to encourage you to meet new friends, other brilliant kids full of life _like you_. Instead, I tailored your activities around my school schedule..."

"Iris, no!" Barry objected. "What are you talking about? That's not what happened! And I _love_ spending time with you, wherever we go!"

"Because you've never known _better!_ " She argued. "But you're going to be fine now. I can imagine just how much more fun you'll have in Star City without me monopolizing your free time!"

Barry blinked. He'd just thought the _same thing_ about her! So they just needed to spend less time together, right? They could make it work, they always did! Why was Iris being so extreme by ending their friendship altogether?

Oh.

*

_"You know that Iris could've gotten in trouble, right? If someone had gotten a hold of that marriage certificate and figured out that you're a minor..."_

_"Lyla, no one would've known! I wasn't going to make copies or anything. We've done a fake marriage before, it was just a joke...Okay yes I was trying to send her a subliminal message, but that's it! I just wanted to keep doing it until we married for real! No one would've known!"_

_"Well, you told her parents, who definitely told your dad and your uncle. The Wests are law enforcers, Barry. Iris' an adult, and you're not. She could get in legal trouble if she was caught doing anything inappropriate—"_

_"We're not doing anything inappropriate! I know more than anyone that the law is against...I wouldn't try anything, I'm not stupid! We're just friends! She doesn't see me that way, not yet, but when I'm really eighteen..."_

_"You think her parents are going to trust a teenager who wants to marry their daughter not to try anything until he's legal?"_

_"They know me! They know that I respect Iris, I'd never do anything to get her in trouble! They know me!"_

_"Alright Barry, if you say so."_

*

"Iris, wait, _wait!_ " Barry begged as she stood up, but she shook her head and her hand to forbid him to stand up too. "I would never get you in trouble, Iris, _I swear!_ Not willingly!"

"I'm glad to hear you say that, Bear," she replied with a fake smile. 

"You don't believe me," he realized with horror. "You think I'd try something because I love you? I would never force my feelings on you!"

 _Just send her subliminal messages, right?_ He heard himself think as if he was an objective third party to this disaster.

"That marriage certificate—" Iris mentioned.

"You could've kept it!" Barry guaranteed. "I wasn't going to...You think I would've _blackmailed you_ with it? Iris! I would _never_ do that!"

"What if you got frustrated with me not returning your feelings, Barry?" She questioned. "We're never going to get married for real. We're just friends. You're too young!"

" _For now,_ but I won't be a kid forever!" He reminded her. "In less than four years..."

"In less than four years you will fall in love with another girl," Iris predicted, then hardened her tone, "a girl _your age,_ alright Barry? Don't get any adult in trouble. Please. You're a good kid. There's another good kid out there who will make you happy."

" _You_ make me happy!" He pointed out. "Not because you're older, because you're _Iris!_ "

"Goodbye, Barry," she wished him without acknowledging his words, walking backwards towards the door. "I...I'm sorry, for everything. Be careful, okay? Take care."

*

_ "Take care of yourself and your dad, alright? I love you so much, my beautiful boy. Everything is going to be alright. You're going to be okay. " _

_ "Mom...mom, wait! Dad, I want to stay with her! Mom!" _

_ "I'm just going to rest Barry, okay? You're going to be okay...I love you very much." _

_ "I love you too, mom!" _

*

"I'm sorry, Iris," he replied as tears finally rolled down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry. Goodbye."  


Their words sounded so _final,_ but they were still _both alive_ and they were _both_ _young_!  


So what if Iris was nine years, eight months and twenty one days older than him? Women lived longer than men anyways! He and Iris would have a long time to spend _together_. It's couples with much _younger women_ that did it wrong: the men were sure to die first and leave their female partners _lonely_ for years!

_"I love you, Iris,"_ Barry whispered as Iris quietly slipped past the door and softly shut him out of her life.

* * *

**4\. Star City**

Barry Allen, PSEO student taking a biology course at Star City University, wandered around the huge performing arts building after spending Saturday morning at the science library. 

SCU was his mother's alma mater, and she'd been a pianist, so he'd hoped to catch an orchestra's rehearsal to get a feel of what she'd experienced as a student back in the day. He had a good musical ear because he listened to a variety of genres, but over the past few years he'd also watched free-streaming seminars about music and music history. It helped him appear more learned than was expected of his real age, and it endeared him to grandma Elena, who went to orchestra concerts on a regular basis.

Barry heard a piano coming from a small music hall, and his heart started beating a little faster when he heard _Jazz_ rather than classical.

"Sorry," he' apologized when he'd startled the pianist...a latino guy? Soloing 'Watermelon Man'? Cool.

"No worries," the pianist assured him with a friendly smile. "Is there a group rehearsal coming up? I didn't see anything posted on the printed schedule."

"Oh no, I'm not—I just..." Barry stuttered before clearing his throat then speaking more evenly. "It's just that this was my first time hearing live Jazz since I was nine, and my mom was a pianist, so I couldn't help listen in."

"Was? Sorry for your loss, man," the stranger offered right away and Barry returned a thin smile. "Wait, your mom was a Jazz pianist? That's really awesome."

"Ah, no, my mom was classically trained," Barry amended, "my neighbor's the Jazz lover. Took me and his daughter to a Jazz fest once, I'll never forget it."

Barry eyed the grand piano. It was white, just like his mom's. Had his dad sold it with the house, or was it catching dust in some storage unit? Barry hadn't asked. He knew how much his dad missed her, and he now understood why it had been so hard for him to stay in Central City after her death. The whole city reminded him of the love of his life, whom he'd lost forever.

Henry Allen was from Boston, Nora Thompson from Star City. They'd visited Central City the same week, and had met at Jitters. He had been on his way to a seminar, she had been on her way to the concert hall to rehearse then perform with her orchestra group.

They'd both ordered a large cup of coffe: decaf, black, two sugars. The overwhelmed barista had forgotten about one order. Barry's parents never found out whose because the first name initial scribbled on the cup looked as much of a H as an N.

Neither could afford to wait for a new order, so they split the coffee, pouring half of the content in an empty cup. It had been Henry's idea, and he'd promised to buy Nora coffee the next day. When she'd told him that she wouldn't be in town the next day because she was on a tour with her musical group, he got bold enough to ask her out for dinner that same evening, and she accepted.

The rest was history.

"To be honest, I'm classically trained, too," the pianist admitted, bringing Barry back to the present. "But a colleague of mine recommended me a ballad to play when I proposed to my then girlfriend..." he showed the golden band on his left ring finger. "So whenever I'm in need of inspiration, I ask her for a piece to learn. This one is the most complex yet, and I'm glad that you're not a Jazz connoisseur yourself because you'd know how bad this is. What about you? Play any instrument?"

"Just choir for seven years," Barry answered with a shrug. "I can hear instrumental music quite well though, enough to know that you're incredibly talented..."

"Dante," the stranger identified himself with a nod. "Dante Ramon."

"Hi Dante, I'm Barry Allen," Barry returned the favor. "So yeah, I can tell that you're some musical genius Dante, because I've kept up with some informal musical training."

"Does that mean that you're up for a duet, choir boy?" Dante requested with an expectant look and an encouraging one-sided smile.

"Oh, man, I doubt that I know any lyrics to the pieces you play," Barry argued shyly, though he really wanted to sing along the music of a white piano again. "I do know a few ballads, but...What was the one you proposed with?"

"Whatever, Whenever, Wherever," Dante let him know, and he must have seen recognition spark in Barry's eyes because he beckoned him over. "Hop on, muchacho."

Barry dropped off his backpack on a seat, walked to the steps to get onto the stage, and tested his volume and reach before signaling to Dante that he was ready.

That song by Maxwell was a short one, and one of Iris' favorites, and Barry wished he'd sung it to her in person during that perfect last evening they'd spent together three years and a half ago.

He'd sung it to Iris on video calls, but he'd been so focused on staying on key with his frustratingly changing voice that he'd never actually had the opportunity to pour his feelings into it. It really was ideal for a proposal.

Now that Barry had as much control over his vocals as he could without proper training, and that he was in the presence of such undeniable talent, it was easy for him to bare his soul and lace every note with his longing and regret and _love_ for Iris Ann West. 

"Man, that was beautiful," Dante complimented. "Smooth tenor range, and the delivery...It felt real, _personal_. Did you have someone in mind?"

"I did, yeah," Barry admitted. "Thank you. I wouldn't have achieved that level of control throughout the song without the cues of your piano _._ It felt safe to feel the song rather than just deliver it accurately since you were leading but still enhancing my vocals. I can't thank you enough for this opportunity. It felt cathartic." 

"Why aren't you one of us!" Dante exclaimed with mock offense. "Seriously, what are you majoring in, if not in music?"

"Biochem," Barry half-lied as he sat at the front edge of the stage but kept his upper body turned to face the musician.

Half a lie because it was the major he was going for but he wasn't a college student yet.

"If you have any room left for an elective, I highly recommend you take a music course," Dante suggested. "It will look good on a resumé, especially for a science student. Interviewers should know not only that you're well-rounded scholar, but that you're capable of integrating an institution's core values _as well as_ the culture that lends it its prestige. SCU is the alma mater of many internationally renowned musicians, its culture revolves around the performing arts..."

"Oh..." 

_He's a professor, not a student,_ Barry realized.

"...and I realize that I'm quite literally preaching to the choir," Dante joked, "Did your mom go here too?"

"Yeah," Barry confirmed, though he himself didn't want to enroll at SCU as a degree-seeking student.

He'd applied to a dozen colleges and universities in the hope of escaping the unexpected pressure from his uncle and grandmother to join the family business. Barry missed his dad, so he might go to MIT, as Dr. Henry Allen now worked for Massachusetts General Hospital and taught a few courses at Harvard's Medical School. Barry would have to start his social life all over again, but with Oliver getting married, Felicity giving him the cold shoulder and going to college at UCLA—

*

_"Nah, MIT's overrated. I want good weather all year long to keep me sane. And who better than Californian boys to whore myself out with in a vain attempt to move on from Oliver? Not that it worked for you and Iris."_

_"I didn't 'whore myself out'!"_

_"Six girls in two school years, Barry!_ _You're Oliver 2.0 now. The student surpassed the teacher."_

 _"I dated them all!_ _None of them were one night stands!"_

_"See, that's what I won't do. Oliver's right not to give false hope to his hook-ups—"_

_"They weren't hook-ups! I was really trying to fall for them! You think that I want to be single forever? I want to be happy!"_

_"We're just eighteen, Barry, we have our entire lives to find happiness. And you're the one who said that only Iris made you happy. You swore that what you felt for her was true love, that you wouldn't give up on that love unless Iris herself told you that she didn't—"_

_"She shut my out, kicked me out of her life! There's nothing I could've done!"_

_"Oliver's getting married, there's nothing that_ I can do _. Iris isn't married. I know you stalk Linda's profile pages to keep tabs on her. Iris isn't out of the market, so don't play the martyr with me, Barry."_

_"She said that we would never get married..."_

_"But she didn't say that she would never_ love you. _Plus, people who say that they will 'never' do something jinx themselves into doing it."_

 _"Felicity, Iris believed that I could_ willingly hurt her! _She clearly didn't trust me, nor want me in her life anymore. And at least_ I tried _, right? _Don't play the martyr either, Felicity. You only have yourself to blame for Oliver!_ You never confessed your feelings, you acted like nothing happened last year, when he kissed you that night he got really drunk...And now he's marrying his ex Dinah Laurel Lance because _she _took her chance, for a second time!_ You _did_ nothing! _"_

_"Wow, way to go pissing me off unnecessarily, Barry! You know what? I'm leaving. See you when I feel like forgiving your stupid bearded face...Okay, I lied, the beard's nice, you look mature and ridiculously hot. Why can't we fall in love with each other?_

_"Magnets of the same side?"_

_"Right. Oh, well. Nuh-uh, I'm still pissed at you, bye."_

_*_

—and with Dig and Lyla too busy with their work, Barry would no longer have much of a social life in Star City anyways. The Palmer twins were cool, but they were low key pressuring him to join their circle, and Barry knew that their parents were friends with uncle Donald and Carla, so he was suspicious of their sudden friendliness. Moving out of state for college was Barry's safest bet.

"I actually took advantage of our Spring break to come here all the way from Central City and attend a two-day seminar," Dante informed him. "I learned much more than I already hoped to. I can't wait to tweak my syllabus and pass on the knowledge to my students."

"You've gotta be kidding me," Barry deadpanned, then got on his feet and walked to the piano, extending his hand at his new acquaintance. "I'm from Central City too, man! Oh, I mean, _Professor_ Ramon?"

"Dante is fine, Barry," the older man reassured him. "Maybe I'll care about my title when I get tenured, but I was the same age as half of my students when I started teaching at CCU, so I didn't bother with honorifics. But wow, talk about a small world! Hey, are you coming home his summer at all? Which part of town do you live at? We could do a little show at this youth center me and my colleague volunteer at on the east side? Or just do an encore of this duet in front of my colleague on campus, she'd love your voice...Ah, sorry for coming off so strong, it's a bad habit of mine."

Barry managed to chuckle at the pianist's rambling despite the pang of longing he felt for his hometown. He hadn't been there in over three years! And technically it wasn't home because he had nowhere to live there anymore. He'd applied to CCU, of course, and had been accepted and offered a full scholarship...So _technically_ , he could go back to Central City. However, neither side of his family would be pleased by that choice, which he frankly couldn't justify when he'd also been accepted at _MIT._

"Barry?" Dante called out. "Sorry, was I presumptuous to think you'd like to meet again? I must confess that I felt an odd connection to you right away, and knowing that you're from my hometown explained it all. But if you'd rather we not—"

"I'd love to meet again, really," Barry admitted truthfully, "but I'll probably spend the summer with my dad in Boston."

"Oh, I see," the pianist reacted clearly disappointed. "Too bad, I'm certain that Iris would've loved hearing you sing. I could tell that my rendition of the song wasn't to her satisfaction."

No way. 

NO FUCKING WAY.

Barry fought hard not to rain questions on Dante. The first logical one would be to ask if he was indeed speaking of _Iris West_ , because maybe there was a music professor at CCU whose first name was Iris too. It wasn't a common name, but there were fourteen million people in Central City, there had to be a few other Irises out there. Also, Iris had been teaching at the high school level, not the undergraduate one, though she could've become an adjunct professor in the past three years.

 _Youth center on the east side,_ Barry echoed Dante's words. _Iris wanted to teach there!_

"It's really nice that two busy music professors take the time to give back to the community," Barry stated casually, stealthily fishing for his answers.

"The kids are great, it's worth it," Dante assured. "Oh, but Iris West teaches English, not music. We actually met at the center, she helps the older kids and some of the parents who aren't fluent yet in English, and I give them piano lessons and some singing lessons. Iris and I rarely see each other on campus, CCU is almost as big as here and our department buildings are far apart."

Barry's good mood at knowing that Iris was doing what she loved suddenly fell because...Iris was a _professor at CCU_.

Even if he went back to Central City to see her again now that he was a legal adult, they still couldn't be together, because he'd be a _student at CCU_. There still were rules against their relationship.

 _Don't get ahead of yourself Bartholomew,_ he chided himself. _First of all, you don't know that she'd ever give you a chance, and she could be meeting the love of her life right this moment. Second of all, you're not even sure if CCU bans all types of student-professor relationships. You wouldn't be taking her classes, there wouldn't be any conflict of interest, so it's none of the university's business._

A chiming tone made him startle a bit.

"Ah, that's my reminder that I need to get going, I have a flight to catch in less than four hours, " Dante announced as he checked his phone. "Well, it was great meeting you, Barry. Good luck with your studies, and if you ever visit home—"

"I'll come to CCU," Barry promised. "I'll see you there, Dante, for sure. Thank you so much for the duet, and safe trip home."

"Thanks. _Do_ come see me when you're in town, uh? That would be awesome," the pianist said as he gave him a gentle tap on the shoulder then hurried down the steps when his phone rang up this time. "¡Oye Cisco! No te preocupes..."☆

Barry watched Dante Ramon leave the room, then he stared at the white piano. He stared and stared and _stared,_ and reflected on the reason why he was standing there. The reason why he'd been able to connect with someone who happened to know Iris.

The same reason why he'd been in this building in the first place, and the reason why he was able to sing in a piano and vocal duet at all.

 _Thanks, mom,_ he talked in his head before jumping off the stage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> *Rebecca and Natalie are very pretty names, no offense if one of them is yours. It's just some silly name stereotyping.
> 
> **"'because there were springs that created extensive green areas that contrasted with the desert surrounding them where there was abundant spring water for westward travelers"
> 
> **"Are you learning Spanish in school?"
> 
> ☆"Hey (Listen) Cisco! Don't worry..."
> 
> I did some research for that Las Vegas getaway, my friends, I'm so proud of it. However, I don't know anything about Jazz or pianos or music in general, not more than the average person at least.
> 
> Everyone take care of yourselves!


	3. I Lost A Part Of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris has moved on. Really. She's fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter reads like chick lit and I love it? I hope you'll love it too.
> 
> I made slight changes to chapter 1, and recommend re-reading a short passage of the phone call with Scott at nearly the end of section 2: from "Wait, who's that?" to "Or did you already have dinner?" It's only essential to a passage of section 2 in this chapter so it's optional.
> 
> Time skips again, here's the break down (all in Central City)
> 
> 1\. End of the school year after ending her friendship with Barry.  
> 2\. Her Twenty-seventh birthday night and morning after.  
> 3\. Before the Spring break when Dante went to Star City  
> 4\. Present time: the Sunday before Thanksgiving break, four years after the fallout with Barry.

1\. 

"I just want to understand, Iris," Principal Meyers said with a sigh. "You were the students' favorite before Thanksgiving break, and now I'm dealing with their angry parents on a regular basis. Your classes have among the lowest passing rates this quarter, whereas you had such encouraging numbers before, even when you were a temp..."

"I was too lenient before," Iris explained succinctly. "From now on, my students will know to take my classes seriously."

The older woman blinked at her, then let an uncomfortable silence take over her office.

"I don't mean to pry, Iris," she spoke up, and Iris wanted to tell her to _shut up then_ , but she held her peace.

"Is everything alright in your personal life? Did you go through a loss that you haven't reported? I know that both of your parents are alive and well, but maybe the loss of an extended family member, or a pet? A breakup?"

"Everything's fine, but thank you for asking, Principal Meyers," Iris replied, trying to soften her tone on the name because even to her ears she sounded limit robotic.

"Alright, well," Mrs. Meyers said with a nod and a tap at the folder in front of her. "Please go through these reviews, and of course take them with a grain of salt. But if multiple reviews highlight the same problem—"

"I'll work on it, of course," Iris promised. "Is that all?"

"It was your first school year as a full-time teacher, Iris," the principal reminded her. "So it's normal that it's less than perfect. We are known for our competitiveness, so I do appreciate your willingness to make your tests challenging. But the students must still enjoy learning from you, right? That's what we're here for: to inspire them to be the best versions of themselves. They can't do that if they dread showing up to class."

"Understood," Iris simply replied, and after she let out another sigh, Principal Meyers let her collect her class evaluation and leave.

Iris spent the whole evening reading over the reviews.

**_She used to be so helpful, now she's just mean._ **

**_I felt like I was finally catching up on all the concepts I clearly missed from previous classes, then after Thanksgiving I felt left behind again._ **

**_She stopped giving us those ungraded pop quizzes that helped us remember the grammar rules better. Maybe she got too lazy reading them all._ **

**_She switched from Andy to Miranda over Thanksgiving break..._ **

**_This class ruined my GPA!_ **

**_I think Miss West was told to be more strict because they were jealous of her popularity. She already has to wear grandma clothes even though she's young and pretty and now she stopped being friendly. Please be yourself!_ **

**_I thought that the pace of the class was a bit slow before, but it was better than the fast and furious pace after Thanksgiving break._ **

**_I was so excited when I heard that Miss West was teaching this class but now I'm so disappointed._ **

**_She's still very thorough with her written feedback on essays, I'm counting my blessings._ **

**_Why did the pop quizzes stop? They helped me review for tests!_ **

On and on went the negative feedback.

Two reviews stood out, and Iris knew exactly who'd written them. 

**_The pace was soporific at first, but then you stopped babysitting us and I appreciate you for it. It's refreshing to have a teacher hold us accountable for our out of class study time, and this isn't a science class so really all we have to do is read the assigned texts, simple as that. No one's going to hold our hands in college, so while I'm sure that the others will whine about the class getting harder, I thank you for preparing me for the next stage of my education._ **

**_Whoever broke your heart did us all a service. Now I can take you seriously. A little too late, but the next kids will benefit._ **

The Garcias. Allegra and Esperanza. The other students called them the 'No' cousins because Allegra did _not_ smile often even though her name meant 'joyful', and whoever pissed off Esperanza had 'no hope' of ever enjoying school life again, i.e. she was a bully that even teachers were scared of.

Iris liked Allegra because indeed she was always focused on the future. Iris' classes hard been the only ones she was taking at CC High; she took the rest as a PSEO student at CCU, where she'd already been accepted for next fall. Allegra was only focused on her studies and her part-time job. No boys, no parties, no chatting with classmates before or after class. She was all business and she'd let Iris know during their first meeting to discuss her impressively well-written paper.

Esperanza was bluntly rude, but Iris had learned to ignore her offhanded remarks.

 _"You think that the boys and male teachers won't hit on you just because you wear ugly clothes?_ " Had been her first words to Iris, right after she'd walked into the classroom and looked her up and down.

_"Is it true that you and coach Tony used to fuck?"_

_"¿Hablas español tambien? Eres demasiado lista para lo que te pagan."*_

_"Miss West, you're on duty for detention right? Alright I'll see you later...Well, if I hear what's his face with the ugly sweater vest there? Right, if I hear Bryan click his stupid multicolor pen for one more minute, I'll dye his hair rainbow with all the inks. I'll end up in detention either way, so do you want me to stay in class or...?"_

Iris wanted to dislike Esperanza, but she couldn't. The girl reminded her too much of her own younger, wilder side. The side that only Linda remembered fondly. The side that had given gray hair to her parents, and had given her a reputation of slutty bitch converted into nun among those who'd known her back in the day. The only difference was that Esperanza was that same type of bitch, but _meaner_ , and with a 4.0.

Iris wished she'd been a disciplined student in middle school because her parents would have probably let her get away with breaking curfews back in the day, the same way everyone, even Principal Meyers, let Esperanza get away with her attitude.

If she'd been smart like Esperanza back in the day, Iris wouldn't have been grounded for a whole year, and she wouldn't have been forced to babysit the neighbors' kid whose adorableness had cemented her intention of becoming a responsible and reliable young woman. Iris had already been set on a teaching career, but before the neighbors' kid had entered her life she had been under _no_ _illusion_ that being an instructor would always be enjoyable. The neighbors' kid tricked her into thinking that being a teacher was not only a noble calling, but a _rewarding and inspiring_ occupation as well.

So really, Esperanza was right: whoever broke Iris' heart, aka that same neighbors' kid, had done everyone a service. Now Iris was living in the real world of neverending challenges and disappointment and hard work for not enough pay, and there was no one out there to make her magically forget her troubles with a smile or a blush or that unique, breathy enunciation of her name.

_Iris!_

_Hi Iris!_

_Iris, look!_

_You're the best Iris!_

...

_You look stunning, Iris._

_I love you so much Iris._

_Iris! I would never do that!_

_You make me happy...because you're Iris!_

After crying in the shower—she hated that she cried so much lately—Iris spent some time on her laptop looking at the CCU website, and even that was depressing because on every page there were pictures of these happy students and faculty members and alumni, and Iris wasn't sure that she belonged to that group of happy knowledge-seeker anymore.

Because, now that the neighbors' kid was gone, Iris wasn't the same. Every day she looked at herself in the mirror and she wondered how she'd gone so long not realizing that she'd been dependent on a drug, that she'd been a post-surgery patient plugged to an IV of opioids, masking the pains from different aspects of her unfulfilled life:

Her creative work was so uninspiring that even the library editorial team had changed their minds about publishing it—which, _thank goodness,_ because now that Iris' eyes were wide open she realized that the neighbors' kid had inspired a few lines of her favorite poems;

Her love life was so laughable that it wasn't funny at this point. _Ten boyfriends_ in eight years. The same self-absorbed yet insecure assholes that felt better about themselves with a beautiful woman like her at their side. If the neighbors' kid hadn't been there to cheer her up right away, Iris might have taken the time to evaluate why she couldn't keep a lover, and she would've figured out that she fell for the same assholes. She'd figured it out eventually, she'd dodged the bullet with Scott...Thanks to the neighbor's kid, ironically.

Her parents. The same parents who'd given her the ultimatum to either wise up or get her friends in legal trouble...They're the ones who introduced her to the neighbor's kid, and then who asked her to cut all ties with him. She resented them because this abrupt rehab was all their fault. Addicts never wanted to go without their daily dose, and it had been five months now.

At least Iris still had Linda, and now she had Stacy Conwell, her new roommate, who didn't know her from her neighbors' kid days. Stacy was easygoing and funny, and she could cook—

*

_"When did you learn to cook, Barry? You mastered the skill in just one year!"_

_"Closer to a year and a half, actually. Do you like it?"_

_"Do I like it, are you kidding me? This isn't quite grandma Esther's recipe, but it's just as good! No wait, let me take another bite...umm! Barry, don't ever, ever tell my dad, pinky promise okay? You make the best lasagna."_

_"Really?"_

_"A hundred percent truth! Wow, do you hear how dumb this is making me sound? Please don't learn to bake brownies, I'll get fat. Is that what you want, for me to be dumb and fat? No, nobody wants that."_

_"That's not possible, Iris, come on! You're perfect—perfectly capable of exercising if...if weight gain becomes a problem, I mean! Yeah, Joe will just make you jump rope for hours on end."_

_"Ugh, don't bring back those memories! Anyways, thanks so much for dinner, Bear."_

*

—and was a grad student at CCU. She was the one who'd told Iris of the almost entirely online Master's in Creative Writing program.

Iris was tired of teaching high school who never showed any passion for the subject she taught, who didn't bother asking questions when they didn't get a point of the lesson, who didn't read the assigned readings...Then whined about their bad grades. She wasn't there to hold their hands, as Allegra had put it. She'd only ever wanted to hold the neighbors' kid's hand. He'd been the student she'd loved teaching.

At least in undergrad Iris wouldn't be able to stress about the future of hundreds of students at once; she wouldn't have to deal with parents-teachers meetings or be on watch for detention or see her ex every other day or deal with seventeen and eighteen years old jocks who thought that they were flattering her by showing their interest in her.

So yeah, thanks to her new friend Stacy, Iris was going to be an adjunct professor at CCU in just two years. It would be tough to teach and be a student at the same time until then, but Iris had time to take on extra projects now. There was no boyfriend and no neighbors' kid to make her waste hours on end feeding on illusions. Iris still hung out with Linda of course, but her best friend was busy during sports championships and since middle school the two of them had found a way to hang out without affecting each other's productivity.

And once Iris had a more forgiving schedule as a college instructor, she'd be able to spend more time at the East Side Youth Center. She would start teaching there this weekend, just two one hour sessions on Saturday mornings and Sunday afternoons for now.

'Rehab' was tough, but Iris knew she could go through it. When it was all over, she would have recovered from deep sense of loss that plagued her still.

 _"Did you go through a loss that you haven't reported?"_ Principal Meyers had asked. 

Yes, she did.

She lost her pride, her inspiration, her friend...Her first kid. A part of her she'd taken for granted all those years. 

She couldn't even say his name, she might cry harder.

* * *

2\. 

"I really didn't know that Clark was engaged, Iris," Linda assured her. "I'm so sorry for getting your hopes up."

"You didn't. It wouldn't have worked even if he'd been single," Iris lied to make her bestie feel better as she signaled the bartender for another round of shots. "Long-distance relationships are too much of a hassle."

Clark Kent was worth the hassle, however. God, that Lois Lane was the luckiest woman in the world. The guy wasn't human. Built like a Greek god and making the nerdy look sexy as hell, Clark was kind, smart, and so humble! And gentlemanly without an ounce of toxic masculinity...He was only missing a beard to be utter perfection, which was for the best because Iris might have attempted to break that marriage before it started if Clarke Kent had a beard.

Iris wasn't obsessed with beards, but when she saw a man with a nice beard, especially those that were just short of looking unkempt, her cavewoman's base instincts kinda took over.

Speaking of base instincts: Iris deserved a bottle of champagne for not giving into the temptation of a one night stand with Scott at that CCPN anniversary party Linda had taken her as her plus two a few nights ago. The guy was a douche, but his bearded face looked like it belonged between Iris' thighs. No toy could recreate that soft scratchy friction against her inner thighs and pussy. Even Keante who sucked at giving head had had that going for him.

"What about that pretty blonde guy I saw you talking to at Jitters the other day?" Linda moved on from the out of town reporter as the bartender lined up their shots.

"Oooh, _Detective Pretty Boy!_ " Stacy singsonged, making Iris roll her eyes.

"That's my father's new partner, Eddie Thawne," she informed her bestie. " _Not interested,_ even if they weren't rules against that."

Iris didn't like Eddie's beard. Could that Abercrombie & Fitch model's facial hair even qualify as a beard?** In any case, it looked unpleasantly prickly. Iris had no plans to stock up on eczema cream to treat beard burns.

"I don't know, the forbidden part of it would make it kind of hot, right?" Stacy said, making both Iris and Linda tense up. "What? Y'all haven't heard of taboo kink? How are two hot women like you so vanilla?"

"Excuse me!" Linda exclaimed in outrage as she waved a hand to encompass her entire body. "I'm Korean-American, every aspect of my life is _spicy!_ "

"Is that right, Park?" Stacy asked, her voice suddenly sultry as she carefully wrapped three fingers around her shot glass and downed the drink while locking gaze with Linda.

"Omg, you're bi too?" Iris' best friend asked breathlessly.

"Lesbian," Stacy corrected her with a swipe of her tongue over her glossy pink lips.

"Not happening!" Iris warned her birthday party chaperones before they started eye-fucking each other.

To think that earlier in the night, she'd wondered why she'd kept these two pretty much separated for almost three years. Her subconscious had known damn well that they'd get along _too well!_ No ma'am, she was _not_ going to imagine anything indecent between her sister from another mother and the person who was making her save hundreds of dollars in takeout money every month!

"Iris, what?" Linda whined. "It's going to be casual, and you know that I hate PDAs anyways!"

"Yeah, Iris, don't worry, totally casual." Stacy reassured. "Unless she's _that good,_ then we're eloping to Vegas or something."

"Girl," Linda chided, looking back and forth between Stacy and Iris.

"That was a joke, _girl_ ," Stacy pointed out, oblivious.

Iris shook her head then downed both hers and Linda's shots before joining the crowd on the dancefloor.

After making a hasty selection from the guys who gravitated around her like bees around her namesake, she almost got her wish for a scandalous semi-public round of birthday sex. But the guy didn't have condoms on him and tried to manhandle her into giving him a blow job, so instead she got her other wish to meet someone more miserable than her. It didn't matter that she was the reason for his misery by kicking him in the nuts, right?

"Sweetheart, you're twenty seven, not twenty-one," her mom told her after making her drink a tall glass of water, two minutes after Iris had emptied her stomach in the toilet.

To encourage Stacy to fuck anyone _other than her best friend,_ Iris had offered to leave her the apartment for the night, which was a fucking nice thing to do on her birthday. Stacy had found a stranger, and Linda had found her own, but of course after the aborted attempt to find her one-night stand, Iris had given up on her birthday sex.

"I know mom," she answered carefully, trying to salvage what little dignity she had left. "I didn't mean to wake you up. I'm sorry that you had to see me like this, I swear this isn't a habit."

Thank God her dad was sleeping at the police station tonight because he was working nonstop on a tough case.

"I know it isn't, honey, of course," Francine replied as she sipped on some tea. "But I'm still worried that you felt the need to go to this extreme to celebrate your birthday. It's the middle of the week, aren't you taking summer classes?"

"I'm done with the in-class one, only have the online ones left," Iris informed her mother. "The one I took on campus was an accelerated course, and I thank the Lord almighty that it was pass or fail because I still suck with deadlines as a student. I never procrastinate as a teacher, but I stressed myself out with that final assignment. The prof forgave my tardiness because she loved my poem."

"I'd like to read that lovely poem then," her mom requested.

"What 'lovely' poem?" Iris asked, confused.

"The final assignment you just mentioned?" the D.A. replied, just as confused. "That your prof loved enough to let you pass?"

"Oh, it's some _mopey sonnet_ I knew she'd relate to," Iris specified. "Professor Kim is this classy lady who looks put together and shit, but one depressed career woman recognizes another."

Like some drunkard cliché, she let out a hiccup at the exact moment that she realized what she'd just said.

"Could you repeat that?" Francine asked quietly as she looked up from her tea mug. Iris knew that any other mother would be shocked speechless or freaking out, but D.A. Elliott had heard it all in the courtroom so whenever she was taken aback she switched to her lawyer mode.

"Can we put off this discussion, please?" Iris begged as she dropped her forehead on the uncovered dining table. "Please mom, it's my birthday..."

"Your birthday ended before you even got here," her mom pointed out evenly, "but yes, I'd rather wait for you to be completely sober in order to have a proper discussion about your depression. And make no mistake, Iris Ann West, I will get your father involved if you make me wait too long. Right after the cleanup at the Forth of July cookout, yeah, that would be the perfect time..."

"Jesus, mom" Iris exhaled in mock horror, knowing that her mom was kidding. "That's blackmail. I know the law: I have the right to remain silent."

The two West women giggled at her lame joke, and after nagging her daughter about taking pain medicine to bed for when she woke up hungover, Francine went back to bed.

"You just had to open your big mouth," Iris chided herself as she got ready for bed, opting to sleep in her lacy thong rather than risk a traumatic episode by looking through her high school wardrobe. 

She lucked out with some hot wet dream, which at first kept her mood blessedly neutral when she returned to her apartment later that morning, starving but in no mood to eat, and surprised Stacy and her sex-and-breakfast partner making out in the kitchen.

"Oh my God, you're _gorgeous!_ I mean, of course you must know that already. Wow your eyes..." The unnamed woman rambled off after she stopped blushing from the embarrassment of getting caught frenching against the fridge.

Iris raised an eyebrow at Stacy.

_You're fine with your hookup hitting on me right in front of you?_

"What? She's got _eyes_ ," Stacy replied to her unspoken thought because they were that close now. "Only reason why I never tried to make a pass at you myself was that I needed a decent place to call home and you're painfully, _obviously_ straight, so..."

"My bad, I make the positive assumption that everyone is pan until proven otherwise," anonymous one-night stand mumbled before sipping on coffee.

Iris shrugged, wished the two women a good day, discarded her rumpled clothes from last night and took a bath...because the shower she'd taken at her parents' had been just to feel human again.

Now she wanted to feel _good_ , so after getting her hair care out of the way she used her precious black-owned, handmade, all natural, fair trade, organic and the whole spiel bubble soap to condition herself for the TLC session she seriously should've done yesterday but better late than never.

Yes, so, that wet dream... _God_ she hadn't had one in a while even though psych 101 claimed that her almost dry spell of three years should have triggered a whole series of porn videos at this point. Her two one-night stands with guest speakers at CCU symposia might have curbed her subconscious' thirst.

Dream guy had been between her legs the whole time, eating her out like a man starved, and at first Iris had thought that it was Tony because she unfortunately saw him often enough at CC High. But the haircut wasn't right, and Tony was muscular but had relatively narrow shoulders. Dream guy was toned but not that buffed and he had wide shoulders, which supported Iris' indecently widespread legs. The contrast of their skin was sexier than it really was in real life. Iris didn't get a kick out of that, but maybe it was actually the freckles on dream guy's skin that appealed to her? Malcolm, who had darker skin than Iris, had a constellation of freckles on the left side of his lower back; it was really just a birthmark, but Iris had loved gazing at it.

Anyway, where was she? Yeah, dream guy wasn't Tony, and oooh, now that she was revisiting the steamy scene, Iris could tell that dream guy was just the fruit of her horny imagination because he most definitely had _a beard_. No wonder that cunnilingus felt so damn good even now that the dream was just a memory...Though dream guy had to be awarded for his technique too, it seemed that he'd taken the class 'Making Iris West Come With Just Your Mouth' and had passed with flying colors.

Iris' own fingers weren't doing that good of a job under the warm fragrant bath water, but masturbation didn't have to always end with an orgasm, right? As long as she felt good...though coming would definitely rid her of that lingering migraine the painkillers had left writhing weakly in her skull.

 _Focus, Iris Ann!_ The twenty seven year old and a day chided herself as she increased the pressure of one finger on her clit while she massaged her inner vaginal walls with two fingers of the other hand.

Where had been dream guy's hands, by the way? Oh, _oh_ , on her tits, hell yeah. Dream guy was definitely all made up: all her exes had neglected her boobs because they weren't big. _Fuck,_ Iris could almost _feel_ dream guy's right palm traveling down her side, curving around her hip and making a short stop to grope her butt cheek, leaving goosebumps on her skin both in the dream and in reality. Then return trip back up but with the knuckles and the back of his hand gliding up, and hmm, there was something _familiar_ about the left hand still fondling her other breast, no? She knew that watch—

Iris almost tripped in the bath tub in her rush to get out and get to the sink in time to throw up, as if she had anything left in her stomach.

It was mostly bile, and its green color was nowhere as beautiful as the shade of the eyes that had looked up when Iris had moaned in her dream.

"It's just a dream, it's just a dream," Iris chanted as she cleaned the sink with shaky hands, scratch that _her whole body_ was shaking and she had cold sweat or maybe it was just the bath water cooling on her skin...

"I'm a good person, I'm a good person," she repeated the affirmation Linda had told her to remind herself. It had taken weeks for Iris to find the courage to tell her best friend everything after her fallout with _him_ , and Linda had told her that she had nothing to feel guilty for.

*

_"Linda, I would've signed the damn marriage license..."_

_"Yes, and? I already explained to you that it takes more steps, after the initial signatures, to actually officialize the marriage. Maybe your parents were right to worry about your reputation, but they were wrong about the validity of that license."_

_"The fact remains that Barry had a fake ID, and my parents are law enforcers but I still would've indulged his joke anyways. What does that make me?"_

_"Would you marry me, Iris?"_

_"Huh?"_

_"If we went to Vegas, and I had a fake ID saying that my name is Chun-Li, and I told you to sign that piece of paper with me, would you do it?"_

_"Yes, but that's not the same. You're an adult."_

_"Doing the same dumb illegal shit a thirteen-year-old would've done, like plenty of adults have done in real life, not_ hypothetically _, actually. You know why? Because it's_ Vegas _and people do dumb shit in Vegas for fun!_ You know that, _that's why you wouldn't have minded signing the marriage certificate! It's all fake, it's just a joke!"_

_"But he meant it! Barry wanted to marry me one day! Because I've somehow made him think..."_

_"You haven't made him think anything. Iris, you're beautiful and smart and that kid has looked up to you since he was six years old. How does him being in love with you make you a bad person? Barry could've gotten in any type of trouble by now with that fake ID. He realistically looks eighteen so it wouldn't be hard for him, especially with a friend like Oliver Queen. But he doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, is a perfect student partly thanks to you, and he politely answers the phone and asks for a moment in the middle of a fight..."_

_"That's not funny, Lin,"_

_"It actually is! I can't believe I was right there when that fight happened, I was wondering why Barry was so out of breath. My point is that Barry is trying to be_ good, _Iris._ For you. _Why? Because_ you're _a good person and he wants to be worthy of you. Please say it, that you're a good person. I know you don't believe it right now but I promise you that it's the truth."_

*

"I'm a good person," Iris said one more time after she washed her face, then unplugged the bathtub, and made sure she didn't look haunted before she exited the bathroom. Because she _was_ haunted by the dark, definitely _not_ good thoughts her little devil was whispering to her.

**_A beard, huh? He would look even older than you with it, so no one would say anything to your face about him being younger. Too bad he's not coming back, Henry sold their house and everything. There was less than a year until he turned legal. A real shame._ **

* * *

3.

"These two again," Iris grumbled under her breath as she and Dante walked towards the main entrance of the East-Side Central City Youth Center.

Two teenagers were engaged in a not so PG lip lock in a not so hidden corner behind pillars: Enrique "Rick" Garcia (unrelated to Allegra and Esperanza as far as Iris knew), seventeen years old, and María Gomez, to whom Iris taught English when she bothered showing up for the free classes.

María was only _fourteen._

"You say that like you weren't a teenager not so long ago," Dante mocked before yelling at the kids in Spanish to be on time today.

"Rick is going to be eighteen soon, and María just turned fourteen," Iris informed him. "They're going to get in legal trouble if they don't break up soon."

"Nah, Rick and María's parents are all friends, the kids grew up together," the music professor pointed out.

"I know, but the law doesn't care about that—" Iris started arguing.

"Who will tell the law you speak of?" Dante asked with mild disapproval. " _You?_ "

"What? No, it's none of my business—" Iris assured.

"Exactly," the pianist confirmed firmly but without sounding hostile. "It's _nobody's_ business but Rick and María's, and their parents' _if_ things get serious between them. I didn't think that you cared about age difference that much. And please don't say things like the law around here. You know that some of the people we help are undocumented."

"Oh my God, ¡lo siento!" Iris whispered, looking around to check if anyone had been paying attention to them. 

"I see that you're speaking Spanish more instinctively," Dante noted with his signature one-sided smile.

Dante Ramon was charming, and a piano virtuoso who'd rather train the next generations of pianists than chase after fame and glory...And he was two years older than her.

But he was _married_. She'd helped him propose even, by telling him to play and sing the song she wished her future husband would sing to her: 'Whatever, Wherever, Whenever,' by Maxwell.

It's not like Iris even had a crush on Dante, it's just that when she'd first talked to him two years ago, she'd reflected that they'd be a good match. At this point, Iris wasn't looking for some epic romance, not that she'd ever believed in love at first sight or anything like that.

Her own parents had met in college. Her mom was from Chicago, her dad was born and raised in Keystone City but he'd permanently moved to Central City when he enrolled to CCU. They had taken the same criminal psychology course in sophomore year. They had liked each other from the start but had remained casual friends until they were about to graduate and Francine Elliott had boldly proposed Joe West that they get married if they were both still single at age thirty. After that, they'd become friends who kept skirting close to the 'benefits' line, but had decided to date other people.

Iris' dad had privately confessed to her that he'd broken up with his girlfriend a few weeks before his thirtieth birthday just to propose to his college crush, and Iris' mom had smugly informed her that she'd known about the poor woman whose heart Joseph West had broken, another lawyer named Cecile Horton. But at the time, Francine had already fallen in love with him and she couldn't let her guilt get in the way of her perfect match.

So yeah, Iris Ann West didn't believe in love at first sight or fate encounters or anything. True love was built over time on top of a foundation of trust, understanding and good communication. Physical attraction helped, of course, but it wasn't a deal breaker for Iris.

Dante Ramon was off the market now, but there were other brilliant male faculty members at CCU who could be a good match for her. She just had to be proactive about finding them.

"It's a good thing, right?" Iris asked. "Do you know any foreign language? Spanish and English are both native languages for you..." 

"I know some German and Italian because of my classical training," he informed her. "I did go to Vienna for a semester in grad school, and when I came back my friends would point out that I was saying random stuff in German rather than Spanish. I've lost all my German at this point, and after my trip to Vienna I've ended up not leaving Central City again...But I will this Spring break."

"Going somewhere nice?" Iris asked, wondering if she herself should visit her cousin Bobby in Keystone City, which was just across the river but it would be a nice change of scenery all the same.

Bobby and his wife Mary had just had a baby, little Wally West. Why Iris' cousin would call the poor kid 'Wallace Rudolph' was anyone's guess. Those old-fashioned names always required the person to go by a nickname, just like Bartholomew Henry...Oh.

 _Ten days,_ Iris calculated _. It's been ten days since I last thought of Barry. I'll get there one day._

"Yes, I'm going to the University I wish I could've attended in grad school," Dante answered with a dreamy smile.

"New York University?" She estimated. 

"That would be nice too, but no," the pianist corrected her. "I'm going to Star City University to take a two-day seminar."

Star City. _Barry's new home._

"Oh! I've never been!" Iris said truthfully. "I wasn't aware that it was famous for the performing arts!"

Barry's mother was a classical pianist like Dante, now that she thought about it. Had Nora Allen gone to SCU? She must have, most of Barry's maternal family lived in Star City. Barry was sure to go to college at his mom's alma mater, if he didn't to his father's, Harvard. What major would he pick? He was fascinated by anything science-based, but really he was a well-rounded student...

 _Alright, alright, no need to catch up on the ten days of silence,_ Iris chided herself.

She knew that she'd think about Barry when she saw Dante after Spring Break, but after that she should definitely work harder on forgetting her younger, _former_ friend.

Barry had most definitely moved on from her by now. Three years was a lot of time for a teenager.

\-----

Iris would never remember how she managed to keep her mouth shut and facial expression passive when Dante told her about performing a quick duet with a college student named Barry Allen at Star City University.

 _"It's too bad that he's going to Boston over the summer, to see his dad I think,"_ the music professor had lamented. _"But he promised to drop by on campus whenever he comes back to Central City. I know that you'd like him."_

 _He's never coming back,_ Iris had thought, not sad at all. She'd been grateful to get such unexpected updates about Barry's life: he'd kept up with some musical training, was going for or was already in college for biochemistry, and was planning on being with Henry over the summer. Possibly to enroll at Harvard too.

He was doing well, great even. And he had a lover, someone who made him sing 'Whatever, Wherever, Whenever" by Maxwell with, as Dante had reported: _"so much genuineness, Iris. That young man knows true love, and it fuels his talent. I wish I could express emotions in my singing like that. I really hope that you'll get to hear him sing that song some day."_

Iris had, but it had been a while. Four, five years? Barry had sang it well, but not with so much emotion that Iris could tell that he was in love. But he had been thirteen, what could he have known of love?

It was all in the past anyways. She'd finally had her closure through an oblivious Dante.

* * *

4.

The Sunday before Thanksgiving break, Iris had been wondering what to do with herself for Thanksgiving when she saw the news on TV.

Her parents planned on visiting the Elliotts in Chicago, who were hosting some big Thanksgiving party. Iris could've gone, but she'd lied to her parents that she was behind on grading because she truly didn't want to deal with her maternal family. All the Elliotts were lawyers, doctors, and politicians. No nurses, or researchers, or teachers...Because the family looked down on those less prestigious occupations. She'd loved visiting as a kid but Iris' dad had warned her that things would be different as an adult. Even he as a level three detective somehow didn't make the cut. When Iris had visited them for Christmas as a temporary teacher at CC High, the way her cousins had snubbed her...She'd never felt so humiliated. She couldn't believe that those people were her mom's blood, _her own blood_. She admired her dad for putting up with that elitism bullshit. She couldn't.

_**Fire at the Dorms of CCU.** _

"Oh my God!" Iris exclaimed, then went to her bedroom where she'd left her phone charging. Indeed she'd received text messages and emails about the fire.

Both the reporter on site and the school communication claimed that there were no human casualties, mostly students with first degree burns, though the residents of the room where the fire had started had second degree burns and had been sent to the emergencies because they'd inhaled so much smoke. Poor kids.

The main problem now would be hosting all these first years students for a few days, because _of course_ it was one of the freshmen dorms that had caught fire. CCU had the money to repair the building expediently, but from the damages seen on TV it would take at least two weeks of fast work to make the rooms affected by the fire inhabitable again. And there weren't that many vacant rooms in other dorms. Iris knew that not only from her own experience as a freshman ten years ago but also from overhearing some of her students complain about housing options. The school surely could afford to put students in a hotel, but where could they book enough rooms for all of them around _Thanksgiving?_

And though most of the other dorms would be vacated during the break, no one would want strangers sleeping in their beds while they were away. This was a real _crisis_ , especially with the weather predicted to be particularly harsh the upcoming weeks.

Iris read the new email she received from the Student Housing Department. They were asking for volunteers amongst faculty, staff, on-campus students above the age of twenty-one and off-campus alumni to host fifty two students for two weeks. There was a background check process to go through before assigning the students to their temporary housing arrangements, so prompt responses were critical.

Of course Iris was signing up to host a student. Stacy had moved out to live with her girlfriend of over a year, Lucy, who she'd met at the club on Iris' birthday night. Iris couldn't believe that she was basically responsible for her own loss of the best roomie one could ask for. She was happy for Stacy though, but after a month she hadn't been looking for a new roommate yet. She wasn't pressed on money, and she'd reasoned that she could save the extra bedroom for Linda in case she got sick of living in close quarters with relatives during the holidays. The Parks were a loud and obnoxious bunch when they wanted to be.

Iris was halfway through her last preliminary form when she received a phone call.

_**Dante Ramon.** _

"Hi Dante, how are you?" she greeted. "Did you read the emails about the fire at one of the freshmen dorms? It looks really bad, I'm so glad that the firefighters got everyone out."

"Hey Iris," he replied. "Yes, and I was calling about that actually. My younger brother is one of the residents of the building."

"No way! Is he okay? Was he hurt during the fire?" Iris questioned him.

She remembered him mentioning that he had a younger brother, but Iris had never met him.

"Cisco's fine, thanks goodness," Dante replied, though his tone wasn't convincing. "It's just that he has nowhere to go now. My parents and I are hosting our entire family for Thanksgiving, and Cisco had volunteered to stay at the dorms so that a few relatives could stay in his room instead of booking hotel rooms, of which there aren't many available around. But now he has nowhere to sleep. He's got a friend who offered to pay for his hotel room...Ah! As fate would have it, it's actually—"

"Dante, no, of course Cisco can stay with me, ¡ningún problema!" Iris offered right away. "I'm sure you'd feel better if he stayed with an adult who you know and trust. I was actually filling up the forms for the hosting..."

"No, _please_ , could you skip that, Iris?" Dante requested. "The school is going to randomize the hosting assignments after splitting groups by gender, so Cisco definitely won't be assigned to you that way. I know that asking for a treatment of favor isn't right, but Cisco is... _Cisco._ He's a good kid, _I promise,_ he can cook and clean and is a neat freak, he's a great roommate really. He just doesn't trust people in general, and I'm so embarrassed about what I'm about to say, but I have to tell you: Cisco's _obsessed_ with his hair. He has a crazy hair routine that he must stick to. It's not a daily routine, but a couple times a week he turns into a _diva_ and I cannot in good conscience impose that on a stranger. And, I mean no offense at all Iris, but...because of your own beautiful hair I made the assumption that you would know a thing or two about hair care routines and would be forgiving of my brother's fastidiousness...?"

Iris couldn't help laughing in good fun, and because she'd never heard Dante sound so humble. He was a virtuoso, _a musical genius_ , so he carried himself with the poise and confidence that came along his training as a classical pianist and the assurance that he likely was the most accomplished person in the room. He wasn't arrogant though, and he didn't demand recognition or honor or anything. He let everyone call him Dante, even his students, even though he had a Ph.D and a couple of master's degrees. But he was always assertive, and at times he was borderline patronizing. Even now he wasn't groveling the way Iris would expect from anyone else, but it was clearly a lot for him.

Well, Iris _did_ know something about sticking to a strict hair care routine. Stacy had respected but had clearly been puzzled by it and maybe a little annoyed with it whenever she had last minute plans to go out and Iris was hogging the bathroom in the middle of finger-detangling her hair with her deep conditioner on.

"You did call the right person, Dante," Iris assured him with a big smile still. "Would you mind giving me his phone number? Or you can give him mine. I'm pretty lenient with roommate etiquette, but I'll have a set of rules and an informal contract for him to sign. Just to have him respect me because I'm a teacher and I might be his instructor one day."

"Great, I was about to tell you to do so myself," her colleague admitted. "Cisco doesn't trust everyone but once he likes someone he can't respect boundaries if there aren't rules. It's a family trait, really, I'm just like him. Hence me asking you for this big favor. Thank you so much for this Iris, I owe you one."

"Good luck hosting the Thanksgiving dinner, by the way, " Iris wished him.

"Thanks, I'll need it," the pianist replied. "I'll give Cisco your number, then. Please yell at him in Spanish or call me if he gets insufferable. He usually isn't, but as I said we don't know when to stop pushing. I gotta go, thank you Iris, bye!"

"Bye Dante," Iris returne before the call got disconnected. 

Well, it was a good thing that she'd cleaned the apartment squeaky clean yesterday. It was ready for a fastidious teenager.

Cisco texted her twenty minutes after Dante's phone call. Or, more accurately, he _rained text messages_ on her.

**_Professor West?_ **

**_Thank you so much for taking me in._ **

**_I can cook. Please, I won't feel welcome to your place if I don't bring you food or make something in your kitchen._ **

**_Can I move in tonight?_ **

**_*May I move in this evening?_ **

**_Mechanical engineering nerd, I suck at English. Forgive my grammar in advance._ **

**_Yes for moving in tonight? My friend will help me carry my very delicate gear._ **

**_I meant my hardware._ **

**_Jesus._**

**_I totally meant computers. Desktop and laptop._ **

**_So, two loud teenagers at your place for at least one hour around 6pm. Forgive us._ **

**_Maybe I should wait till you reply._ **

**_Btw this is Cisco Ramon._**

**_I do NOT answer to my government name Francisco. Please don't try calling me that._ **

Iris waited two minutes to be sure that it was all that he had to say.

_**You're welcome Cisco. I'll be in my apartment all evening, feel free to move in. Just call me when you arrive. I am partial to cheesy, saucy lasagna. I'm looking forward to meeting you.** _

She typed in her address as well and sent it all in one text message.

 _ **Same!** _He simply replied, a stark contrast to his previous effusiveness. 

_"Kids_ ," Iris whispered fondly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> *"You also speak Spanish? You're too good (smart) for what they're paying you."
> 
> **borrowed the epithet from "no love in the hunt" by mmtion, though in that story it referred to Oliver Queen. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11043375
> 
> Friends, I'm sorry if this ruins your day/night, I know that we're all already affected by these trying times...but please take a moment to acknowledge/honor the memory of Logan Williams, the actor who played young Barry in s1-s2. He was only 16. Thoughts and prayers to his family.


	4. So Hard To Believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After all these years, neither Barry or Iris could really believe that this was happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reunion, finally.
> 
> This fic is helping me recover from my quarantine blues. I haven't stepped outside since pi day, AT ALL, because I catch infectious diseases like a sponge absorbs moisture, and I want to stay alive to finish my WIPs, among other things. It's not just older people and the sickly who can die from this epidemic, friends. Please, PLEASE, stay home unless really necessary, and don't pass on this lethal disease to anyone.
> 
> Sorry for the slow updates on my other fics. I'm not giving up on any of them, I promise. I'm just taking a break to care for my mental health first. Hence the 9k words of gibberish here. I hope that you'll enjoy some of it.

1.

Barry was just about done settling in his hotel room when Cisco texted him.

_**Dante found the ideal host for me!** _

Barry sighed in relief. He'd just checked online and the room he'd wanted to book for Cisco wasn't available anymore. He himself had been lucky to find one so quickly.

Well, if one could be considered lucky waking up to the shrill of a fire alarm and the acrid smell of smoke. Barry had never seen a building on fire from that close. It had looked nightmarish from outside, but there was a reason for that.

The student who'd started the fire had apparently knocked over a scented candle while sleepily going to the common bathroom. When he'd returned to his single bedroom, his girlfriend had been screaming, watching the curtains being engulfed in flames.

And guess what the student had done instead of rushing to grab the fire extinguisher down the hallway? He'd opened the window! Had fed it more _oxygen!_ Combustion was taught in middle school, but Barry guessed that in his panic the student had forgotten about the elementary exothermic reaction. So yeah, the flames got bigger, and somehow the male student had thought that it was a good idea to detach the curtain railing and just throw the curtains outside. That action alone had burned his and his girlfriend's skin, and had spread the fire in his tiny bedroom: paper from textbooks, polyester from clothes..they'd all burned. It must have been nightmarish from the inside too.

But guess why the student's girlfriend had lit the scented candle and let it burn overnight, in the first place? To mask the smell of the _fresh paint_ on the exterior wall of the building that had sneaked into the room when they'd opened the window to smoke a joint. Yep, that's why the _entire southern side_ of the dorm looked so bad. And one could imagine the disaster for other student residents on that side of the building who had left their windows open to get rid of the smell of booze and alcohol permeating their own bedroom...

If the two students who'd accidentally started the fire were reported to be well and on the path to a full recovery, Barry planned on laughing his heart out about this crisis. There had been signs taped all over in common rooms, and reminders emailed to everyone in the building _forbidding to open the windows for three days_. It was cold outside, much colder than Barry remembered his hometown to be this time of the year, and windier and dryer, so why would anyone open their windows in the first place? But the Student Housing people had known that underage drinking and illegal smoking was happening in that freshmen dorm (like in all other dorms for that matter), so they'd warned them still. All for nothing. Now fifty two students had to live with strangers for two weeks.

 _ **Dante says that you know her!**_ Cisco texted again before Barry could express his relief and let him know that he was on his way back to campus.

Barry wondered who it could be. Someone both he and Dante knew, who could host Cisco? Izzy Bowin maybe? She was a senior student of Dante, and she lived in the fancy apartments for juniors and seniors. Barry hoped that things wouldn't be awkward when he helped Cisco move in there: he'd had to gently turn down Izzy on her multiple attempts to go on a date with him. Barry had been baffled that she hadn't even minded that he was quite a few years younger than she'd first thought he was.

(Well, it made sense, right? He wasn't underage anymore.)

Cisco himself had thought that Barry was the TA of the calc-based physics class they were taking together. They might have never become friends if Dante's younger brother hadn't assumed Barry to be the professor's help, because Cisco had major trust issues.

 _**My bad, Dante said that you used to** _**know her,** Cisco in question amended in his next text. _ **My English...Ironically, she's an English professor.**_

"No way," Barry whispered just as his friend kept sending messages.

_**Dude I still can't believe that you're taking my brother's singing class.** _

_**He's cool in general, we both know that, but he's such a condescending ass when it comes to music.** _

_**The simple fact that you can tolerate him in the classroom proves that you're a saint.** _

It was true that Dante was very strict and bluntly critical as an instructor, but Barry knew that he meant well so he didn't mind the condescension. Other students were less tolerant of his borderline belittling comments. Many had switched to the other section of the same course, taught by Professor Darric Crister*, whom Dante despised because he wasn't even formally trained in the performing arts. Dr. Crister had a PhD in music history, but was naturally gifted with musical talent. Apparently there was no instrument he couldn't play, including vocal cords.

_**Anyway, I told Professor West that we'd be there at 6pm.** _

Barry finally replied.

_**But that's three hours from now. She doesn't live that far from campus.** _

_**You know where she lives? Cool, you can drive then. But I promised to show my gratitude for her hospitality by making food, and she asked for lasagna. We need to stop by the grocery store.** _

Oh. It was still her favorite? Barry couldn't explain why he'd expected her not to like it anymore...No, that was a lie. He'd expected her to discard everything that could remind her of him, and since lasagna was the one food she'd eaten that he'd made for her, he'd thought that she would've forgotten about it the way she'd clearly forgotten about him.

He'd been hurt by the fact that Dante had told Iris about him yet she hadn't told Dante that she already knew Barry in return. Not that Barry could talk, all he'd admitted to the music professor when they'd met again was that Iris was the daughter of his Jazz-loving neighbor and that they hadn't seen each other in years.

Apparently Iris and Dante hadn't seen much of each other this semester, very likely because the virtuoso was teaching an extra class and was preparing the school orchestra for a performance due at the end of the semester. Therefore, he couldn't teach at the youth center as regularly as before. He definitely didn't have time to talk to Barry for more than a few minutes before and after class, and even then it was just to discuss music.

Barry himself had tried to stop by Iris' office before his schedule got crazy. The building housing the writing branch of the English department was a ridiculous fifteen minute walk away from the music building, and even further than that from the molecular and cellular biology building where Barry spent the most time because that's where he had lecture and lab for his physiology and genetics classes.

He'd actually seen Iris from afar, but had frozen on the spot, letting her walk away without seeing him in turn.

He had seen a few pictures of her on Linda's social media pages, yes, but seeing her in person had been different.

God, she'd gotten _more beautiful_ than before. Barry had been certain that it would be impossible, but of course he'd been proven wrong about that.

And her wardrobe wasn't as conservative as it was when she was teaching high schoolers, so she had made heads turn. But Iris herself been too focused on a conversation with an older professor to notice the attention on her, including his.

Barry had lost his determination to reconnect with her on campus at that moment, and had reasoned that reuniting off campus around Thanksgiving break would be more symbolic anyways. So he'd focused on settling in his new school life, making friends, and re-familiarizing himself with his hometown, like he'd promised Oliver.

"Dude, I don't know which recipe to pick for the lasagna," was Cisco's first words when he immediately placed the central unit of his desktop in the back of his own car, which Barry had borrowed to move his belongings to the hotel. "I'm confident that I can follow any one recipe to the letter, but I'm not well versed in the art of making lasagna and her only description was 'cheesy and saucy'. They're _all_ cheesy and saucy!"

"I know a good recipe," Barry let him know as he helped load suitcases, boxes full of books and gadgets and bags.

When they were ready to go, he took a deep breath and cleared his throat.

"Hey, Cisco?" He called out.

"Hmm? Yeah, no, I stopped looking for recipes, I trust you," his friend replied hastily as he buckled his seat belt while looking at his phone screen. "I'm just making a list for my own snacks. I only have Twizzlers."

Thank goodness that all first year students were forced to use the school's meal plan, because Barry would've spent all his hard-earned money eating at the hotel for two weeks. He worked for the Events and Activities department on campus, helping set up and take down stages and table arrangements. It was tedious, physical work, but it allowed him to skip the gym and play video games with Cisco instead. Oliver didn't need to know that he was slacking off.

"Did Dante tell you how I know Iris?" Barry asked his new friend.

"He said that you were neighbors back in the day?" Cisco answered uncertainly before looking up from his phone and frowning at Barry. "Which isn't a reason to call her by her first name, dude. Pretty sure that my brother is the only professor who's okay with that, and he's strict enough that no student would ever interpret it as permission to fraternize. Dante's own words, not mine. Even you don't get to hang out with him despite the fact that he clearly likes you...Anyways, why are you asking? Oh! Don't tell me that Professor West hates you because you pranked her or something? I didn't give your name, so you could stay in the car if you two parted on bad terms. Man, I feel like my speech is improving just knowing that I'll be in the presence of an English instructor for two weeks! She sounds cool, I can tell from her _one text!_ Such an adult, though."

Barry sighed and shrugged. He doubted that either him or Iris could properly prepare for this reunion anyway.

Oliver had predicted that nothing would go as planned, even if he did have a plan.

*

_"It's been four years, man, move on. I'm sure that Iris already has. The fact that she's not wearing an engagement ring doesn't mean shit. Laurel had to have hers resized, and she doesn't even plan on wearing it on her finger, but on a necklace around her neck. So Iris could be just like her as a career woman, unwilling to be defined by her marital status, or whatever. I personally don't care. I'm not marrying Laurel to be a trophy wife."_

_"You're marrying her because she's emotionally safe for you, unlike Felicity who would've made you feel more than your playboy's lifestyle can tolerate."_

_"I don't think that you have the right to criticize my playboy lifestyle after you've left your own trail of heart-broken girls, Barr."_

_"I was trying to form a lasting relationship with each and every one of them! It didn't work, and it was no one's fault. And none of them even cared about me... I can't believe that it took me until the Palmer twins approached me this year to realize that to most people in this city, I'll never be more than a pawn on my grandmother's chessboard. And that every self-proclaimed important business owner wants a turn at playing this modern-day game of thrones!"_

_"Those girls still ended up crying like widows when you broke up with them. And you can't escape the game, Barry, even if you go to MIT for college. I'm sure that your dad wants the best for you, and there's nothing better than coming back here when you're done with your education and starting climbing your way to the top ranks in your family's business. Or, if I borrow your chessboard metaphor, your best bet is to keep moving forward until you turn from a pawn into a_ queen _and start ruling this city—sorry, I couldn't help it."_

_"No, that was a great pun Oli, I'm just surprised that you made a spontaneous joke. Maybe Dinah Laurel is good for you, after all. But Felicity..."_

_"Barry, guys like us don't get the girl of our dreams. Guys like us get the girl who's a good compromise between a friend and a business partner. We don't marry for love, we marry for the family's legacy."_

_"But I'm not like you Oliver. I'm not a playboy and I'm not a rich heir."_

_"Maybe you should stop giving false hope to all these girls then, and get some plastic surgery while you're at it because no one has to check your fake ID —which you don't need anymore, _finally _— to know that you're a Thompson."_

 _"That's just it, Oli: I'm not a Thompson. My name is_ Barry Allen _, and I'm the luckiest guy alive to have met you, Felicity, Lyla and Dig when I landed in this big, dramatic city, sad and lonely to be away from my dad and my best friend...But now that our paths are diverging, it's time for me to go home. Central City is my home, regardless of the fact that my dad sold our house. Even if Iris doesn't want me, I want to build my life in my hometown, away from the drama of the elitist world you and my maternal family were born into. Yes, I was born privileged, but this...Star City is too tricky for me to navigate. I've tried being deceptive once, and it didn't work out the way I wanted. I want to be myself from now on, and I can't do that as my uncle's nephew. And ultimately, I want to go back to Central City because that's where_ my mother _decided to give birth to me and where she chose to raise me. That's where she thought that I would be happy. That's where she requested to be buried. I know that memories of her hurt my father, but they don't hurt me..."_

_"Because you had Iris, before and after you lost your mom. I think I get it now, especially the part about finding yourself in your hometown. I traveled a lot in middle school and part of high school, but once my parents and I settled back in Star City for good, I never felt more confident about my future than in the place that had seen me take my first breath. Barry, I wish you the best of luck, and of course you can count on me for anything I can help you with...Just, don't get your hopes up too high, man. Four years is a long time. Iris has changed, and the fact that she didn't try to reconnect with you is very telling. You're going to take her by surprise, and she might not take it well. Whatever your plan is, don't expect it to work. And remember to make new friends and have a real life outside of the classroom, mister 4.6 GPA. Do that, and you're gonna be okay at least. Real happiness will take a bit more time and work."_

*

"Oh, hey!" Cisco's exclamation brought Barry back from his thoughts. "Caitlin and Ronnie got assigned to the same senior dorm, what? Lucky bastards. We know how _they'll_ spend their Thanksgiving break when no one else will be in that building..."

"Cisco!" Barry chided him as he drove off. 

"Dude, I know you're not a virgin—oh, _please,_ like I haven't seen how suavely you've been dodging our thirsty classmates in physics. Even the TA has his eyes on you, I'd bet my drone on it."

"Hartley _hates_ me," Barry informed him. "He used to bully me in elementary school and..."

"Barry Allen, how can you be so smart yet so clueless?" Cisco asked with a dramatically solemn tone. "Never heard of boys pulling the hair of the girls they like? Rathaway clearly has had the hots for you since...woah, it's been what, ten years?"

"Just about, yeah," Barry realized, feeling very uncomfortable by his friend's claim.

Hartley liked him? That was... _too disturbing_ to conceive.

Barry wasn't homophobic. He understood being sexually attracted to the male body on an intellectual level. He'd seen Oli and Dig in all levels of dress codes, and with as little as a towel around their hips, and _hot damn._ But he didn't swing that way, as they said. And even if Hartley and Barry were the last two human beings on Earth _and_ men could suddenly reproduce with each other...No. _Absolutely not._ That would be the end of the human race right there.

"Can't imagine harboring unrequited feelings for someone for that long, man," Cisco commented with a disapproving shake of his head. "That sounds exhausting. If I can't work up the courage to ask Cynthia out by the end of the school year I'll just move on. Life's too short, I want to enjoy it to my heart's content, not to its _dissatisfaction!_ Be bold or go home!"

 _Or in my case, go home and be bold,_ Barry thought wryly, his heart beat refusing to go back to its basal state because it _knew_ that in less than three hours, it would possibly break in pieces again, with no chance of ever getting whole again this time.

* * *

2.

Iris took advantage of the three hours she had before Cisco's arrival to go to an impromptu Jitters date with Linda, Stacy and Lucy, mostly to let them know that they wouldn't have a free room to crash for two weeks. Iris' apartment was conveniently located just outside downtown, at a reasonably close distance to CCU, Jitters, CCPN, the mall where both Stacy and Lucy worked, and quite a few clubs and bars that the group of women frequented. It was quite common for a wasted Linda or for overworked Stacy and Lucy to ask Iris for a friendly breakfast and bed when the drive home seemed too jarring.

"Hey Iris, are you going to participate in the annual karaoke sing-a-ton fundraiser?" Lucy half-asked half-suggested as she pointed at multiple flyers around the coffee shop. "People would pay just to _gaze_ at you, I can imagine how much they would pay to gaze _and_ hear you sing a love song..."

"How are you still so start struck by Iris after knowing her for a _whole year?_ " Linda commented with a short laugh even as Stacy rolled her eyes, but then Linda smiled a Cheshire smile at Iris. "I have been trying to make you sign up for that _forever,_ though."

"I'm not that good of a singer," Iris objected halfheartedly after rolling her eyes at her best friend's dramatization.

She was a passable singer. Her dad was the one with the natural singing voice, and he and Iris' mom had once been worried about Iris wanting to become a pop star as a kid because she could sing on key and actually had 'the looks'.

So yeah, she definitely could help raise money for whatever good cause Jitters was organizing the event... _If_ her schedule matched that of the sing-a-ton week nights, which it hadn't in the past couple of years since the event had started. But this year was different: she wasn't studying and grading papers at the same time anymore. She finally had the stable schedule and somehow satisfying paycheck that she'd wanted for a while, and her evenings were free as long as she did all her work before leaving campus or caught up on grading during the weekend once she came back from the youth center.

Iris ending up telling the girls that she'd think about it. After all, it wouldn't be difficult to learn the lyrics of the pop songs that played as background music in the coffee shop.

Iris had just returned to her place when she got a call from Cisco, ten minutes before six.

"¡Hola Cisco! ¿Has llegado?"**

"Woah, ¿habla español?** That's so cool Professor West! But please let's speak strictly English while I'm under your roof because I need to be eloquent enough to impress a girl with my suaveness."

"I can definitely help with that," Iris half-joked as she gave her apartment one last inspection, making sure that nothing was out of place. "By the way, call me Miss West, I don't have a PhD like your brother. Are you outside? Do you need help? Oh, you have your friend helping, right?"

"Right, about that..." Cisco's cheerful voice toned down a notch. "You actually know my friend, he's my classmate. I just wanted to make sure that you're fine with him entering your building. He might have landed on your blacklist because of what he did as a kid?"

Wait, what? Who could possibly...?

Oh.

Hartley Rathaway, right? Dante had once mentioned that his brother was into engineering, and so was the spoiled only child of Osgood and Rachel Rathaway.

Iris saw him regularly because he had a Latin class right next door to Iris' writing class, and on the first day of class they'd almost bumped into each other.

(Latin, though? How pompous and _unpractical!_ )

*

_"Of course_ you are _here, why am I surprised? I should've known."_

 _"Known what exactly, Hartley? That we were bound to see each other again, as we live in the_ same city? _Are you in my class? I don't remember seeing your name on the list..."_

_"I'm majoring in a field I doubt you know anything about: acoustical engineering. So no, I'm not in your class."_

_"Good for you, Hartley. I teach several writing intensive English courses, and all degree-seeking students are required to take at least one such course. So maybe we'll see each other in class in the future."_

_"Now that I know, I'll make sure to avoid you, Iris West. You're not_ my _professor, so don't expect me to address by a title or anything. Vale!"_

_"You have a good day, Hartley. Don't ruin any classmate's school life this time. The university has very strict codes of conduct."_

_"Ha! That should be my line, but we'll see who'll get in trouble despite being '_ special'. _"_

*

Clearly the boy was still bitter about Iris ruining his fun as a bully, but she was an adult now and certainly the better person of the two of them, so she reassured Cisco.

"It's alright, Cisco, Hartley can come over. I'm unlocking the front door and coming down to you guys, see you in a minute," she let Dante's brother know before hanging up and pocketing her phone. She buzzed Cisco in, left her apartment door unlocked and quickly went down to the lobby to help the kids transport one of the lighter bags, or maybe the groceries since Cisco had offered to cook.

She froze at the sight of Barry carrying a desktop under his arm and looking confused as he chatted with Cisco.

Barry.

Barry Allen.

_Bartholomew Henry Allen._

That was him, right? She wasn't suddenly imagining her former friend after going almost a whole month without sparing him a thought?

 _He's got a beard,_ she couldn't help noticing. _Like in my dream, oh my God...Wait, WHY IS HE HERE?_

"Oh, hi Miss West!" Cisco greeted with too much cheer, his wide eyes full of panic. "So, you know Hartley too? Which isn't that much of a surprise since you know Barry! Is everyone in the damn school connected or what?" He muttered much more quietly, but with the silence between Iris and Barry in that empty lobby, it was easy to hear him.

"Hi, Iris," Barry greeted calmly, though his eyes wouldn't meet hers, and that made her sad. 

"Hello Cisco, hello Barry," she forced herself to reply just as calmly but with artificial cheer to let them know that she wasn't upset.

She was shocked. And feeling like _an idiot._

Now that she thought about it, hadn't Dante tried to tell her that she knew Cisco's friend? And not five minutes earlier she'd cut off Cisco without letting him identify his friend.

She'd known that Barry knew Dante, and as a freshman in a science major it was more than likely for him to befriend Dante's brother...If he were in Central City, which Iris had assumed he _wouldn't be._

"Come on in!" She invited the two young adults, somehow keeping her cool. "Is there anything I can grab? I see groceries bags right there!"

"Yeah, um for the lasagna!" Cisco confirmed as he looked down at his burdened hands, then he threw an urgent look at Barry but then smiled at Iris again. "I think we're good carrying them, it's a nice exercise for us. We're nerds who spend all their free time playing video games, a little cardio and weight lifting won't hurt."

Um, _what?_ Barry looked like he _still_ exercised regularly. He'd told her four years ago that Oliver Queen regularly dragged him to the gym, not just to bar and clubs.

Barry looked great, taller than she remembered and his shoulders definitely as broad as dream guy.

 _That was a completely objective and totally innocent observation,_ she thought loudly in her head.

 _ **Oh, don't worry about me just yet,**_ the devil on her shoulder reassured her. _ **The night is still young, and so is Barry underneath that beard. This is going to be so much fun...**_

Iris tried her best to be a good host, and actually managed to avoid being in close proximity with Barry by taking care of putting away Cisco's snacks while Barry and Cisco dropped things in the guest bedroom

"Candy, candy, more candy," Iris commented with amusement before she finally saw some diversity.

Oh, five boxes of brownie mixes! Funny, that's exactly how many of those Iris went through in two weeks...

"Iris?" Barry's voice was somehow smoother than before, but it still made her startle even though she should've seen him coming.

He wasn't short, or small, or skinny. Not anymore. His presence was more than physical too. Despite the uncertainty in his eyes, Iris could tell that he'd gained a lot of self-confidence over the years. She could barely detect the vestige of innocence and baby chub on his face. He wasn't a little boy anymore.

"Sorry," he apologized as he took half a step away from the opening separating the kitchen from the dining room. "I shouldn't have..."

"Barry, it's okay," Iris told him with a fake smile and dismissive wave of her hand, and her heart dropped in her stomach when she saw the spark of recognition in his eyes.

"You're still a terrible liar, Iris," he let her know, the little shift of his lips a gesture she didn't know how to interpret in return because she'd never seen that before.

"I'm trying to be _courteous_ ," she pointed out curtly as she turned around to put the brownie mix boxes next to the ones already in her cupboard. "The least you could do is play along and _pretend_ that nothing's amiss," she admonished him when she turned around, immediately feeling guilty upon seeing him looking down his feet, his hands shoved in the front pockets of his jeans.

_He dresses differently,_ she observed.

Of course he'd outgrown the clothes she'd help him choose over four years ago, but she'd expected him to keep up with the business casual look. Maybe the Star Wars printed shirt underneath the black denim jacket and the lightly ripped blue jeans was his weekend look?

"What if...What if I _don't want_ to pretend that nothing's amiss?" Iris heard and saw him enunciate when her gaze trailed back up to his face, and Jesus, _that beard_...

"I'd say that it's pretty bold of you to complain when you're the one catching me off guard," Iris replied instinctively, outrage rising in her throat. "How dare you just waltz back in my life without a warning—"

"Without a warning," he repeated as he locked eyes with her, his voice adopting a sharp edge. "The way _you_ kicked me out of your life? No, wait, you gave me _ten minutes_ to prepare..."

"Bartholomew!" Iris exclaimed in outrage, staring in shock as he kept holding her gaze.  


Barry had _never_ talked back at her! And he'd _always_ kept his eyes down whenever she reprimanded him!

"Uh-oh, you know it's bad when you hear your government name," Cisco's voice said before he popped his head from behind Barry. "Dude, don't upset my perfect host. Hey Miss West, mind if we get started on dinner?" He then politely asked Iris.

"We?" Both Barry and Iris repeated.

"Yeah, dude, it's _your_ recipe," Dante's brother told Barry before trying to squeeze into the room. "So you'll help me execute it. Move, Allen...Woah, where are those firm muscles coming from?" He questioned after he stumbled into the kitchen because Barry hadn't moved an inch, and his hard gaze was still on Iris.

"I'm _not_ eating if he's cooking," Iris declared, knowing that she sounded petulant and so childish, but damn it!

Barry had no right to pop out of nowhere and disrespect her in her own home!

"What? Why?" Cisco asked, bewildered, and after a quick look between his host and his friend he looked like he'd rather be back in his burned dorm building.

"Oh my God, did _you_ burn that building on purpose?" Iris asked, very aware of how crazy that sounded.

"The hell kind of _pranks_ did you pull back in the day, Barry Allen?" Cisco demanded to know, scandalized by Iris' accusation.

"I don't think that she'd like you to hear my answer," Barry replied with the barest of smirks, but Iris saw it and she _snapped._

"Let me escort you back," Iris bit out as she stomped towards Barry and he stepped backwards to let her through. "Cisco, we'll find a recipe online and make the food together," she reassured the flabbergasted younger Ramon brother. "The deep pans are in the third cabinet to your right, can you get the water boiling first, please?"

She was satisfied to hear the kid obey as she kept walking towards the entrance.

"Oh, you plan on _poisoning_ him on his very first night?" Barry teased her with a full on grin as he kept going in reverse in the same direction as her. "Dante will regret bypassing the assignment system. That's how Cisco got you, right? There's no way the school would've assigned such a young woman like you to a male student. Though Cisco isn't eighteen yet, his birthday is December eleventh...So he's totally safe with you."

Iris saw red, and without thinking, she grabbed the lapels of Barry's jacket and redirected him to the first door her jerking movements led her to, which was her bedroom's.

_**You're going to get fired,**_ the little devil predicted with excitement, _**but if you can get him to perform cunnilingus half as well as in that dream, it will be worth it.**_

* * *

3.

The biggest fact that had hinted to Barry that none of his girlfriends truly cared about him, though he only understood it a few days before he'd deliberate that the relationship wasn't going anywhere, was that they wouldn't get upset or angry at him. _Never._

Barry's parents loved him unconditionally, but even they would scold him or glare at him if misbehaved, intentionally or by mistake; Iris almost never raised her voice at him, but she would frown deeply or calmly let him know when he did something that upset her, like breaking a plate because he'd try to help her with house chores even though she'd explicitly forbidden him to touch breakable objects; Felicity would roll her eyes and make very funny faces at him or just walk out on him whenever he pushed too far in his teasing about her and Oliver, or she would slap his hand when he tried to use one of her laptops without asking for her permission first every single time even though her answer was always 'yes, of course'; Lyla would threaten to train him if he kept testing her patience; Dig would bluntly call on his bullshit in a very flat tone, and then would redirect his anger on Oliver, who always laughed at his voice then.

And Oliver? Oliver would curse at him, work him harder during training, shove him, punch his shoulder, scream at him...And at first Barry thought that his supposedly cool, older friend actually hated him.

 _Barry, if I hated you I wouldn't bother expressing my disappointment and frustration at what you do,_ Oliver explained the one time Barry had almost cried after being lectured very loudly. _I'm expressing these emotions so strongly because I care that much about you, and that's my way of showing it. It's not that I don't care as much for Lyla, John, or Felicity. I care about all of you. It's just that they don't disappoint me or frustrate me as much or often. I know the best that they can do and that's what they show me almost every time. But you? I know that you can do better, I've seen you do better, so it pisses me off when you don't live up to the expectations you've given me yourself. I love you, Barry, okay? Don't tell Lyla or Dig that I said that, but it's true. You're the little brother I never had and didn't realize I wanted until Felicity dropped you into my arms. I promised that I'd teach you everything I know about life, so I want you to remember this: people who care about you will express the emotions you evoke in them, always, not just the positive emotions but the negative ones too. They might not be as effusive as me, but they'll have a tell, I know that you already know the others' tells because your reactions to them are obvious on your face too. So if someone hides their negative emotions like anger, frustration, or exasperation...When you're the one causing them, then they don't really care about you, especially if you repeat the same mistake over and over again. People who care about you are supposed to encourage you to do better because they should only want to be with the best version of you that they know you can be._

So, to make sure that he was right to end the relationships, Barry would spend a whole week trying to get a strong, negative reaction out of his girlfriends by doing something he knew was a pet peeve of theirs.

He'd call Becky 'Rebecca' repeatedly, and the first time she'd drawn a blank look, but afterwards she'd just let him call her by her government name. Not once did she correct him, even though he'd once heard her scream at her own mother for saying her full name;

He'd mess up Jenny's curls on their way to a date, and though she did look silently miserable the first few times, she would just gather her ruined hair into a ponytail and act like nothing was wrong;

He'd start making private but derogatory comments about Anya's handicapped twin brother, and she never reprimanded him;

He'd plant chopsticks straight up into his bowl of rice when Caroline invited him at her cousin's gourmet Japanese restaurant, and she only glanced up in shock from her own bowl the third time, possibly wondering if he was doing it on purpose;

Erin let him whine about the uselessness of the new wave of feminism without arguing once, despite the wild looks her peers from the girls power club would throw at her during lunch at school;

He kept 'forgetting' to put in a good word to his uncle or grandmother for Crys' dad, and she'd just nod when he promised that he would do it the next time—he'd done it after breaking up with her, which might be why she'd asked for a second chance.

Maybe they all thought that they were really in love with him, because all of their tears had seemed sincere. But most likely they were sad for disappointing their parents for not being able to secure a close relationship with Elena Thompson's grandson. Or maybe they liked the sex that much, he'd be dishonest if he said that he hadn't spent hours on end learning how to individually pleasure them, many times without getting anything in return.

But he could say for sure that they didn't care _enough_ to push him to be a decent human being. 

So, once Barry had made peace with the unbelievable fact that he was in the same room as Iris West, and not just any room but the kitchen where he'd once promised himself to cook her favorite foods, he immediately decided to test her, to check if she _still cared_ for him.

Though he was aware that after four years he couldn't expect her to react the way he remembered, he knew _intimately_ what made her tick. He knew her expectations of him in awkward situations: follow her lead, stay quiet unless asked to speak up, _never_ talk back when she lectured him, keep his eyes down until her voice softened up.

And honestly, he'd struggled to go against eight years of conditioning. But he'd done it, and it had _paid off._

Iris almost hurt him shoving his back against the door of her bedroom, which she'd just kicked close behind them, and Barry couldn't help but laugh in happiness.

That, plus all her reactions in the kitchen? She still cared, a lot. _A whole fucking lot._

"What's _wrong_ with you, Barry?" Iris hissed at him when she regrettably let go of his jacket. "You come into my home after four years and immediately disrespect me in front of your friend, who's sure to report our interaction to his brother, _my_ friend and esteemed colleague...Why would you do that? Why are you even here? You've been at CCU since September? How...How did I not know? Why didn't you tell..."

Her voice had started to break off and her eyes were shining with unshed tears, and that's not what Barry had wanted. He _never_ wanted to make Iris sad.

"Iris, I'm so sorry," he apologized immediately, grabbing her shoulders because she brought her hands up to hide her face when the tears started rolling down her cheeks. "I didn't mean to—"

"Don't you _dare_ say that you didn't mean to upset me," Iris angrily demanded as she lowered her hands to glare at him. "Or that you'd never _willingly_ get me in trouble. Don't you dare lie so blatantly, Barry, when we both know that I taught you _better!_ "

Barry blinked as he instinctively tightened his hold on her arms.

She'd just thrown his own words back at him. The words he'd spoken four years ago hoping they'd convince her to keep him in her life when it had been clear that she was unprecedentedly angry at him.

Fair enough, he'd been the one to bring up memories of that day in the kitchen. And he wasn't _done_ airing his grievances.

"You _did_ teach me better, Iris," he agreed when he let go of her and balled his fists at his side. "For years, you taught me how to be a _good person_ , but the moment your dad told you whatever he told you, you decided that I was suddenly _unworthy_ of your trust. Of your _care_. Just the night before we'd had the best time of our lives, and you'd admitted that we would've had fun during that Vegas trip...And _still_ you kicked me out of your life. Just because you'd learned that I was in love with you. As if my feelings were something tainted, _dirty,_ and you threw them away along with my friendship."

Her outrage dropped so quickly to make room for guilt that Barry wondered if this was some weird dream, because everything was actually going the way he'd wanted. He'd definitely fantasized about entering Iris' bedroom, which he never had despite visiting her a few dozen times in this apartment before going to Star City.

_Don't look around, don't look around, don't look around,_ he chanted in his head. _And don't you fucking dare look at her boobs, you idiot._

"I do owe you my deepest apologies for how I treated you that day, Barry," Iris declared quietly as she lowered her eyes to the hands she was now wringing around, seemingly taking less space now that her anger had faded away. Her shoulders were curved inwards, her legs and feet fidgety, and Barry remembered that the only other time he'd thought the word 'fragile' when thinking about Iris West was that fateful Saturday morning of Thanksgiving break four years ago.  


He hated, _hated_ being the source of her anxiety, and couldn't wait to be allowed to make it up to her. To make her _happy_ and make her feel _loved._

"I wasn't truly mad at you, you must know that," she said, but then shook her head, the curls of her high ponytail flying around behind her head. "Wait, that's not entirely true. I...I resented you for blinding me to the sad realities of my life—"

"What are you talking about, Iris?" He questioned, curious and a little bit defensive, because of course he didn't want her to resent him.

"You said that I made you happy, remember?" She asked but didn't even wait for him to nod to continue. "Well, you made me happy too, Barry. _So happy_. To the point that you helped me create this illusion of a life I thought I was living, but it was just a facade..."

Barry was torn between feeling elated at her admission that he'd made her happy, and being offended by her accusation.

What illusion? What facade?

"I taught you a lot, Barry, because you were always such a wonderful student," she recalled, her compliment so natural, given so freely, and after years of having the stoic Oliver Queen as his best friend Barry had forgotten how good that felt. "So smart, so inquisitive, so observant...If all students were like you, surely teaching would be the most rewarding profession in the world. But other students _aren't_ like you, Barry, and I didn't truly understand that until you were gone. I didn't realize that I had a passion for _teaching Barry Allen_ , not for teaching in general. I thought I was a good teacher because I'd contributed to your education and look how great of a student you became. You finished Valedictorian of your high school class, didn't you?"

"Uh, yeah," he confirmed with a little blush at the unabashed pride shining in her eyes as she looked up. "But I got lucky, there were those genius twin brothers, but they were only interested in acing their science tests, so..."

"And so modest," Iris added, beaming. "How could I not think that I myself was a good person when I'd raise you to be one? But then you left and I realize what a mediocre high school teacher I was—"

"That's not true, Iris," Barry denied, shocked by her statement. "Iris, how could you say—"

"I wasn't nearly as patient with them as I was supposed to be," she explained. "As I always was _with you_ because with you I wasn't even being patient, I was merely anticipating the moment you'd figure out the good answer. And they looked _so bored_ , Bear, so uninterested in learning what I was passionate about, unlike you who shared my enthusiasm at every lesson. It was the most miserable three years of my life as a scholar."

"And not only was my professional life a disaster, but my personal life had never even been great, and I hadn't noticed for the longest time," Iris kept going as she lowered her gaze again, rubbing the palm of one hand with the thumb of another. "Can you tell how many boyfriends I had, Barry? You might not remember the ones I had when you were younger, but I probably told you about them anyways. Do you remember?"

"Ten," Barry answered accurately as he stared at that thumb, focusing on her neatly purple-painted nail. 

( _Fuck,_ it had been a while since he'd gotten laid, and of course _any part_ of Iris' body could turn him on. He'd never thank Oliver enough for teaching him how to control his body, though with Iris standing so close that control was precariously thin.) 

"I'm not very sentimental when it comes to romance, you know?" Iris claimed with a shrug. "So to me, failing to keep a boyfriend for a long time wasn't really a big deal at the end of the day. But after David, because I think Malcolm and him were different, I kept choosing the same type of guys: insecure and immature assholes. Every single one of them. And I never stopped to think that _I_ was responsible for turning into an ex collector because I thought that I was a good person, so I couldn't possibly choose wrong, right? No matter that Linda warned me about half of them even before she met them, no matter that my parents would bluntly disapprove of them. And it never was a big deal when they broke up with me because when it still hurt my pride that I was clearly _not_ good enough for them to stay, you and Linda, but mostly you when I was in college...You would be there to cheer me up, Barry. The pain from the breakups was so fleeting thanks to your presence, that I never tried to protect myself from further heart breaks. I never stopped to question my poor tastes in men."  


Shit. Barry had always been so proud of being able to cheer up Iris after a failed relationship that he'd never realized that he'd been some type of painkiller that prevented her from fully curing her chronic ex-boyfriend-idis. And deep down, he was glad for it: had Iris chosen a great guy to be with, she might have already been married by now.

But Barry did feel terrible about her teaching experience at CC High. He'd thought he was helping her get a useful insight into her students' reasoning, but he'd just made her wish that all her students were like him, which of course was impossible.

"And I should've trusted you, Barry, _I should have,_ " Iris stated when she finally dropped her hands to her side and looked him in the eye. "But I ended our friendship because it came down to either trusting my instincts or trusting my parents' advice. My instincts had told me that your crush for me had faded before you turned ten, and I'd just learned that I'd been wrong about that; my instincts had made me believe that whatever fake marriage you'd planned to have us sign in Vegas would be just a joke, but I'd learned that you truly meant to marry me some day...So how could I trust my instincts, which screamed at me that you'd never wrong me, that you were my precious friend and that I shouldn't let speculations about an event that never even happened come between us, when I'd been wrong all along? How could I trust my instincts when they claimed that I was a good person, but in reality I was the kind of babysitter, the kind of teacher that would _seduce_ her own kid, however involuntary that seduction had been?"

"You _didn't_ seduce me!" Barry objected vehemently, finally giving into the urge to grab her hands, and they were so small now, they had been bigger than his during the times they were the most tactile with each other. "Iris, I fell in love with you because you _are_ a good person: kind, patient, smart, hardworking and so, _so radiant_ , Iris. I only ever tried to return the light you shone on me every time you smiled at me or hugged me.

For a moment, Barry was certain that he and Iris were getting on the same page, that they were successfully dropping the weight on their chest that he now understood had equally affected them for the past four years...

But then, after Iris searched his face and he smiled at her, she drew a blank face and jerked her hands away from his hold. She even took a symbolic step back. 

"I'm not a good person," she deadpanned, then suddenly grew agitated. "Oh my God, what was I even thinking bringing you _here?_ Did Cisco see that? Barry you need to leave..."

"What? No!" He refused, planting his feet when she tried to get him out of the way so she could open the door behind him. "Iris, what's wrong? We were finally talking—"

"There's nothing to talk about anymore," she decided, trying vainly to push him off balance. "Barry, get out of here!"

"Why?" He questioned her, growing frustrated. "You just explained to me why you kicked me out of your life four years ago, so how can you expect me to leave without an explanation for why you're kicking me out _now?_ Tell me, Iris—"

"You said it yourself!" She declared, talking to his chest because she was that much shorter than him now.

Her desperate voice resonated at a much lower volume than he'd expected considering her distress. 

"Cisco's safe with me," she agreed with his rude, taunting statement from earlier. " _Any_ male student would be safe with me. But _you_ wouldn't be, Barry. I'm not a good person because I can't, I don't... _Please, leave!_ "

It took a ridiculous number of seconds for Barry to process her words, because one: he was so worried about her clearly troubled state of mind; and two: it was hard to believe that he'd actually heard her right.

But then he _understood_ what she was implying, and his eyes took the liberty to finally inspect the room. 

"I'm _perfectly safe_ with you, Iris," he objected softly, his voice involuntarily lower than his normal range as his eyes locked onto her bed.

Her sharp gasp made him look down at her, at her body almost flushed against his and at one of her hands extended towards the door because she was still trying to get him out of the way.

Her gaze met his, and he knew that it was too late to mask his desire, to mask the lust he'd been guilty of feeling for her since he was thirteen and fisting himself raw after waking up from dreams of her...Because Iris' body deserved to be worshiped, not coveted for his own pleasure. 

And he could do that now, he could worship her properly! Well, at least he knew the basics. If anything good had come out of his serial dating in Star City, it was his understanding that every woman was different and the only way to satisfy her in bed was to communicate verbally and through body language. Emphasis on 'bed' because Barry had never had sex anywhere else with his exes, but of course he was already dying to kneel down where he stood and gently remove Iris' socks so he could start kissing her feet and work his way up to her lips...

"Oh my God," Iris whispered, but along with the panic he could see reflected in the most beautiful eyes in the world, Barry also detect the lust she'd just admitted feeling for him too.

* * *

4.

Iris had seen men's lustful gazes directed at her since she was twelve, so at twenty eight years old she'd thought she'd seen all kinds of those looks.

Many lustful gazes were animalistic: their owners just wanted to take their pleasure from Iris' body, it was all basic instincts and no intellectual process; others' were shy: those men realized that they had no right to look at her that way; others' yet again were bargaining: if she gave them a good time, they'd return the favor.

The lust in the eyes of Iris' exes before they'd have sex was mostly possessive: they claimed that her body was theirs at that moment, and promised that they'd reward her (or rather _try_ to reward her) for agreeing to be the only ones to enjoy the pleasure her body would grant them.

But the lust in Barry's eyes was different. It could almost be misinterpreted for something else, for _many other things_ in fact because it was actually layered: it was bright yet bashful, it was worshipful yet penitent, it was humble yet eager.

Bright because it burned with years of teenage hormones fueling it, but bashful because it had been hidden for so long it was uncertain if it was okay for it to come out now; worshipful because Iris could tell that it wasn't just her curves that triggered it, Barry hadn't even been looking at her neckline (not much to see there, granted), he'd been looking at her hair and her thumb and her feet as if he didn't have a preference, he just wanted a chance to touch whichever part of her body she was willing to surrender for exploration...Yet he definitely felt terrible for being greedy, she could see that the second he saw her scrutinizing his gaze; it was humble as opposed to arrogant enough to think that its owner could give her whatever she wanted in return for a sexual favor, yet eager to make it worth her while, eager to learn how to pleasure her, and Iris shouldn't be surprised because Barry had always wanted to learn new things, no knowledge or practical skill was insignificant for him, and sex was no different.

"Oh my God," Iris whispered, because she was overwhelmed by Barry's feelings for her, which she'd thought had faded away over the years but they clearly hadn't gone anywhere; if anything, they'd grown _more intense_ and Iris was so over her head dealing with that kind of love at the moment; and here, in the bedroom where she'd blown the minds of her last three boyfriends, she actually felt out of her element.

And thank goodness that Barry waited to follow her lead, because if he'd taken the initiative to drag her to her bed, she knew beyond doubt that she would've let him do whatever he wanted with her, with no care for Dante's brother who was busying himself in the kitchen.

" _Fuck_ , Cisco!" She hissed as she went back to trying to access the door handle, and for a terrible second, when Barry's hand grabbed hers, Iris thought that he wouldn't let her leave the room without getting a taste of her.

 _ **All that time wasted on discussing**_ **feelings** _ **could've been spent more wisely on a quickie,**_ the little devil pointed out disapprovingly.

 _Shut up!_ Iris ordered her reverse conscience even as she stared at Barry with pleading eyes.

He knew her well, so of course he saw the panic in her expression and removed his hand as if her skin had burned him.

"Sorry," he apologized with a contained smile and a shake of his head (his haircut wasn't the same as in her dream but the length was close enough).

"Sorry, I just wanted to lighten up the mood with a joke but it would've been inappropriate anyways," he explained as he stepped aside.

"What joke?" Iris questioned him, channeling her teacher's persona to prepare herself to face Cisco with a neutral expression despite what had just happened between her and Barry.

"Later, if you're okay with us...talking some more?" He suggested shyly, his eyes not meeting hers. "In a much less, um..."

"In a much less charged situation?" She offered, managing to stay detached enough to talk and walk with confidence again. "Yes Barry, I would like that very much."

"Amen Hallelujah!" Cisco exclaimed with his hands thrown in the air when they both joined him in the kitchen again. "I'm not saying that just because I was scared of becoming the passive witness to my own friend's murder, but also because I need help here, please. Lasagna, remember? What temperature do I preheat the oven? What's the order of the layering? Do I grate the cheese or shred it?"

"Sorry, I actually only know _how to eat_ the final product," Iris admitted sheepishly.

After an awkward silence, all three of them burst in laughter, then Barry went to the sink to wash his hands, smoothly grabbed the apron and extra cutting board that Stacy had left behind, and shortly after he opened the cupboard where Iris kept the fancy food processor her parents had gifted her as a house warming present in the hope that she would try to fix herself some decent homemade meals.

Stacy had been the only one using it to cut vegetables, shred cheese, and make soups and desserts.

"Right, 'used to be neighbors'," Dante's younger brother commented after staring in shock at Barry's ease around Iris' kitchen.

"Dante made it sound like you two only hung out _one time_ to go to a Jazz festival," he explained with an apologetic tone when he looked at Iris. "Sorry if I've been looking weirded out this whole time, I wasn't prepared to see you two be so familiar with each other."

"One Jazz festival?" Iris repeated with amusement as she watched the two young men prep the filling of her favorite noodle dish. 

"What in the world, Barry Allen? Cooking is the _only thing_ I didn't teach you to do well!" Iris stated with mock indignity at Barry's back, which shook slightly as he laughed.

"He totally downplayed my role in his education to Dante," she told Cisco in a conspiratorial tone. "I'm even the one who made him learn the song that impressed your musical genius of a brother. Barry owes _every skill_ he knows to me, like I said, except for cooking!"

" _Every skill,_ except cooking, right!" Cisco acknowledged, his voice a bit tight, and Iris realized that she was distracting him from his vegetable cutting task. Sharp knife plus distraction was a dangerous combo. 

"Oh, I'll leave you two be, I'm sincerely of no use here," she admitted before an idea came to her.

"Hey, there's the new creamery on Broome and First, you guys have been there before, right?" she asked the two students. "I'm not trying to make a morbid joke or anything, but after that fire I think that you guys deserve some ice cream..."

"Mint chocolate chip!" Barry almost shouted, while Cisco _definitely_ shouted "strawberry shortcake!"

"I'll take pints," she announced after chuckling at their enthusiasm, then exited the kitchen, containing a giggle when the boys singsonged in unison "you're the best!" Though Cisco said "Miss West" whereas Barry said "Iris".

She needed the alone time to straighten her thoughts about having Barry back in her life. Of course twenty minutes and some to get dessert wouldn't be enough for her to figure out how to move forward, but it would be a start.

Barry Allen was back in Central City. Unbelievable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> *That's Music Meister, from the episode "Duet" in S3. I merged the code name with the actors' name, Darren Criss.
> 
> **"Hello Cisco? Did you arrive?"  
> "Woah, you speak Spanish?"


	5. Have Your Touch And Kiss Your Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The path of Linda's wisdom leads to the kingdom of West-Allen heaven...or hell?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update is a huge mess, which is normal because I'm losing my mind in quarantine. I miss dining out so much that I included one of my favorite foods in the chapter lol. 
> 
> I highly recommend listening to both the original version and the Kaytranada remix of "If" by Janet Jackson before getting to section 2.
> 
> The fic earns a bit of its E rating in this one, and warning for taboo sex? In case you forgot what this fic was about lol.

1.

"Yeah, you should just fuck him," was Linda's concise piece of advice after Iris was done explaining the situation to her over the phone.

"Linda!" Iris exclaimed in her car, parked in front of the creamery.

"Why not?" Her best friend challenged her. "Little shit's legal now. He definitely still wants you to _teach him_ all the bedroom skills you know—"

"I don't think that Barry's still a virgin," Iris cut her off. "Don't ask me how I know, Lin, I just _know._ He has this aura about him...He doesn't need me to teach him anything in that department."

"Even better for you, then," Linda commented. "Girl, when was the last time you got laid?"

"You _know_ when: November of last year, with a _real adult!_ " Iris answered with exasperation. "Linda, are you listening to yourself? You want me to have sex with an eighteen-year-old who goes to the school where I teach! _Oh my God,_ the Code of Conduct..."

"Ouch, yeah, CCU and its no tolerance policy for student-teacher relationships," Linda recalled. "But weren't there fine lines that could be exploited? Stacy mentioned a story about a classmate dating a professor without problems, right?"

"I remember, yeah," Iris acquiesced. "But Linda, it's not the same and we both know it. A female instructor and a male student won't be seen the same way than the other way around."

"You know what I'm not hearing among the _lame excuses_ you're bringing up?" The reporter asked rhetorically. "I'm not hearing you say 'Lin, I just don't see Barry that way' or 'eww I can't even imagine my little bear naked'..."

"That's not what I sound like, thank you very much," Iris deadpanned. "And if you saw Barry right now you'd swallow back that 'eww' and light your throat on fire. Linda, he's six feet tall of lean muscle mass and he grew a _fucking beard_."

And he didn't wear glasses anymore? She was just realizing it now. Had he gotten laser eye surgery?

"No way!" Linda exclaimed. "Oh my God, did he figure out that it was a weakness of yours? Wait, of course he did, the boy's _smart._ He had to know that Keante's facial hair was his only redeeming point— _don't_ try to fight me on this, Iris! Keante was more of a fuckboy than a boyfriend. But babe, aren't there attractive kids in your classes and at the youth center? Would you bang them?"

"What? _No!_ Linda!" Iris nearly shouted in outrage, then quieted down. "Oh, right."

"'Oh, right' indeed," her best friend echoed. "Girl, you know that I'd be the first to tell you if I thought that you were going down the wrong path. I warned you about your worst boyfriends, I told you when your one-night stand fun got out of control, and back when you ended your friendship with Barry, I argued that it was a bit extreme, remember?"

"Yeah," Iris confirmed.

"I know for a fact that _until then_ you'd never seen the brat as anything but your kid friend," Linda kept going. "We all saw how infatuated with you Barry was, but it seemed like a benign crush that was taking too long to fade away. I didn't know about the Vegas trip until it was too late, but until I learned about it I thought that Barry would just forget you the moment he saw a girl his own age with big boobs or a big butt, you know? 

"How did you all see it and I didn't?" Iris questioned quietly. "I swear I thought he got over his crush for me at nine years old! Or ten? He wasn't..."

"Well, I avoided him like the plague for a long time so I can't speak for his pre-teen years," Linda pointed out. "But at the mall on Black Friday four years ago? I didn't know what I was seeing at first, it was only after the whole texting Scott stunt that I understood what I'd seen."

"What did you see?" Iris asked. "Please tell me, because I still feel like such an idiot for not stopping Barry from entertaining the idea that we could've been together."

"Barry knows a lot about fashion and apparel design, right? I remember being impressed not only that you'd taught him, but that he'd actually bothered remembering everything," Linda recounted. "Dude knew the difference between teal and turquoise? An ankle-strap heel and a t-strap heel? A pleated skirt and a panel skirt? I was floored. You were in the fitting room, so you didn't see him shaking his head at these women who were gushing about some stilettos. I even heard him say 'you can't even walk straight in your chunky heels'. I laughed so hard that he blushed in embarrassment. So yeah, at first I thought that he just valued fashion because you did too—"

"Barry values _all types_ of knowledge," Iris argued. "I'm not surprised that he's a science major now, but really he could've gone for any field. He just loves learning new things."

"Maybe, but the little shit also figured out that if he sounded knowledgeable about fashion, then you would never scold him for _checking you out!_ " Linda claimed.

"What?"

"Iris, you didn't notice his infatuation because _he hid it_ behind technical words!" Linda pointed out. "Why would you think that it was inappropriate for him to _stare at your legs_ if he then proclaimed that a short yellow dress and purple slingback shoes were a good match because they were complementary not just in color but also because they both made you look taller?"

Oh.

"Seriously, I gotta give the kid props for his ingenuity," Linda commented with a chuckle. "He never complimented _you_ during that shopping session, he complimented _your clothes._ So all these years you couldn't see his crush because he disguised it into intellectual admiration and genuine interests in your hobbies. He embodied the cliché of the gay friend but without being gay; he put himself in the _friend zone_ to appear innocent and non-threatening even as he was looking more and more like a grown man. Did I tell you that he told me that he was _your other best friend,_ and that's why he and I should get along? He would've fooled me if I hadn't caught onto his plan to ruin your date with Scott...A plan he successfully carried out in the end, but it was for the best anyways. Sorry babe, I really thought that Scott was one of the good ones."

"It's alright Lin, I never held that against you," Iris assured her. "But you're making Barry sound so...manipulative."

"Hey, I'm not saying that he did it with malicious intentions," Linda defended. "It's actually the opposite, right? Everything he hid from you prevented you from being uncomfortable around him. When he realized that your parents were disturbed by his plans for your Vegas trip, he dropped the whole thing and asked them not to tell you. He didn't want you to distance yourself from him, which you would've done if you'd noticed that his feelings were still there and growing as fast as him. But, Iris...He eventually made you fall for him, I think. It was after you broke things off, but you then had the idea of you two planted in your head, you know? I wasn't sure before since we never talked about Barry again after you told me everything, but hearing your voice now? Girl, you're in too deep."

"It's not...Linda, it's just _physical attraction_ wrapped up in nostalgia and the affection I've always had for him," Iris defended herself. "I'm _not_ in love with Barry. I'm sure that I wouldn't even be entertaining this if one: I wasn't on a dry spell, and two: if I didn't feel like I owe him _something_ for ruining his social life! It's just _guilt,_ which I guess makes it wrong. So I shouldn't—"

"I maintain that you should give it a try, if and only if it won't get you in trouble at the university," Linda counseled. "A relationship between you two would be controversial, but it's not at all unethical when you think about it: Barry's of age, and you're not his teacher. And really, we need to be consistent with our womanist-feminist values: if we don't blink at J-Lo or Madonna dating younger men, why should we overthink you and Barry?"

"They didn't _raise_ their sugar babies!" Iris argued her best friend.

"First of all, Barry's the one with the wealthier family, he'd be the one buying _you_ stuff," Linda countered calmly. "Second of all, come on Iris, you didn't _raise_ Barry. You were his babysitter for a few years then his tutor. Yes, you encouraged him to be an excellent student, but you didn't control his learning twenty-four seven. He worked extra hard on his own during the many hours you weren't spending time together. And he clearly doesn't see you as a mother figure, you're too young, and you weren't his surrogate sister just like he wasn't your surrogate brother. You were _friends._ Except for when you told him that you'd help him with his homework, I didn't hear you say that you treat him any differently than you treated me at the mall. Well, actually, you _do_ nag me about submitting my articles on time, and you proof-read many of them. In fact, you're the reason why I've passed any writing class since middle school, so are you going to say that you raised me too?"

"It's not the same!" Iris objected.

"No it's not the same, because we do see ourselves as _sisters,_ Iris," Linda agreed. "You're the most attractive person I've met in my life and I'm bi, but I've never been sexually attracted to you— _wait,_ scratch that, the night of your twenty-first birthday...You were so bangable that incest _did_ cross my mind..."

"Shut up!" Iris replied with an uncontrollable giggle. 

Linda repeatedly reminded her of her twenty-first birthday celebration, and yeah Iris had revived her slutty persona for that one night. She'd dressed to break hearts all over the bars they hopped around.

"Anyways, you know that I subscribe to the school of spicing up one's life with every chance that presents itself," Linda stated seriously. "Whether you're in love with Barry or not, I say that dating him is an experience worth having. If you end up finding it weird, just end it."

"And break Barry's heart?" Iris asked, feeling terrible by the very idea.

"If the brat can't see that he's lucky to even breathe the same air as you again after the mess he made last time, then he's definitely not worth the trouble," her best friend pointed out sternly. "But he's too smart not to know to be careful this time around. And I believe that he truly loves you, Iris. So if he sees that he's making you miserable, he'll stay away."

Losing Barry again was more likely to make Iris miserable, she was sure of it. She was very dubitative that a romantic relationship would work out, but she'd very much like to at least stay friends. Maybe not as close friends as before, but...

"I could be the one jumping the gun in any case," she told her best friend as she eyed the line of customers at the creamery—she had to go now that the crowd was smaller.

"Maybe Barry only wants to rekindle our friendship," Iris speculated. "That's what he sounded the most hurt about: that I ended our friendship as soon as I learned about his feelings for me. I already told him that I'd never marry him, so he's probably just looking for closure? Maybe if we...you know, maybe he'll finally let go of his obsession for me. Seriously, his options for potential girlfriends are unlimited at CCU. Who am I to actually hold his interest once he checks the taboo kink off his list?"

"I won't bother giving an answer to that silly question," Linda stated flatly before getting serious again. "As long as he Barry doesn't make you feel like crap, I'll tolerate whatever you two decide to do," Linda promised. "But I _don't_ want to hear you say that you're a bad person Iris, alright? You're an amazing human being. Keep me in the loop, okay?"

"Of course, Linda," Iris agreed. "Gotta go. Tell Ian I said hello," she added with a teasing tone.

"Ian and I aren't a thing!" Linda denied immediately, lying so terribly that Iris couldn't help but chuckle. "But I'll tell him the next time I see him."

"Uh-huh," Iris acknowledged. "Bye Lin, and thank you so much for hearing me out. Love you."

"Love you too, gorgeous," Linda returned, "and feel free to keep thanking me for simply being the best friend you deserve. I thoroughly appreciate your positive reinforcement. See you!"

Iris breathed out a sigh of relief after hanging up. It always felt good to bare her soul to her best friend.

 _ **So, we're doing this, right?**_ Her other not so valued advisor asked, for once sounding uncertain.

 _Will you leave me alone once I get 'a taste of that love'?_ Iris asked back, quoting the little devil's words from four years ago.

She got no response to her question, and the silence seemed like an answer in itself.

* * *

2.

When Iris returned from the creamery, Barry detected a bit of nervousness in her that she hadn't shown when she'd left, and it put him on alert.

She hid it well from Cisco, of course, and the three of them did enjoy dinner. Barry had also baked brownies to have with the ice cream, and that seemed to bring Iris back to high spirits, but when she insisted doing the cleanup all alone, Barry got worried again.

"Thank you, Miss West!" Cisco replied cheerfully, happy to get away from the house chore. "Can I use the bathroom for thirty minutes, or an hour _or two?_ My hair still smells of smoke and ashes..."

"You're so dramatic," Barry commented with an eye roll.

"Yes, go ahead, Cisco!" Iris allowed him. "The water never runs cold here, so don't worry about timing yourself."

"Cool beans!" Cisco replied before fist bumping Barry. "See you in the morning? When should we even get going? Fucking morning classes. Oops, my bad!" He apologized when Iris stopped in her tracks towards the kitchen to raise an eyebrow at him.

"Seven-thirty seems like a safe bet," Barry estimated before walking towards Iris. "Is it better to go through Third Street or to go all the way down to River Boulevard then straight to campus?"

"The latter," she answered as she smiled at Cisco's little wave, her own hands busy holding plates and glasses and cutlery. "Traffic's crazy on Third during rush hour...Oh, thank you Barry."

He'd taken her load and walked into the kitchen first.

Then, as if four years hadn't passed since the last time they'd done it, they worked together to clear the dining table and the kitchen and rinse out the dishes before placing them into the dish washer.

Just like she would do back then, Iris started humming a tune and Barry would sing the song out loud, and she'd add a little harmony here and there but mostly listen to him. 

"Wow, even I can hear the difference in your voice," Iris admitted when they were done cleaning up. "I mean, of course it's been four years, so..."

"Is it why you've been nervous since you got back?" He questioned her softly as he wiped his hands dry. "You were worried that we'd changed too much to get along again?"

She stared at him for a while, speechless.

Right, he wasn't so direct before, so she hadn't expected it.

"Doing house chores together and singing is easy because we both kept doing it," she finally replied. "But yes, I didn't expect our personalities to have remained the same, especially after—"

The boom of a bass startled her, and oh, there was _something else_ that she'd have to get used to for a bit...

"Miss West, is it okay to play a bit of music? It's not too loud right?" Cisco basically screamed on top of his lungs _after_ turning off the music.

Iris eyed the clock on the stove: a quarter past nine. She then walked to the living room, and Barry was surprised to hear her voice so clearly when she warned his friend that quiet hours started at ten in the apartment building.

"Dante warned me," Barry heard her say as she returned to the kitchen, shaking her head with a fond smile on her lips when the music started again.

Just then Barry recognized the beat: the Kaytranada remix of "If" by Janet Jackson. This version actually started with the first two lines of the first bridge, repeated four times:

_**How many nights I've laid in bed excited over you** _   
_**I've closed my eyes and thought of us a hundred different ways** _

"If" was hands down Barry's favorite song by the queen of pop because if the narrator's gender was flipped, the lyrics sounded like they'd come straight out of his own brain; the music video, which had come out years before Barry himself was born, was way ahead of its time showcasing touch screens and video calls; the song, the dance choreography and the setting made the whole production sensual as hell.

At a time he was discovering the terrifying yet exciting world of sex, Barry had enjoyed the entire 'Janet' album, really, but 'If' was closest to his heart because it had seen him through the weeks of depression after Iris had ended their friendship. Uncle Donald and Carla had let him blast it in repeat as an alternative to making him speak to his school's counselor.

Barry usually didn't tolerate remixes of iconic songs, but he appreciated how the Canadian DJ had actually used the beat of electronic music to complement Miss Jackson's vocals, much better than the drums of the original fusion beat had. Also, Barry related more to this version of the song because the initial repetition of the lyrics better conveyed the deep desire of the narrator for her love interest.

_**Your smooth and shiny** _   
_**Feels so good against my lips sugar** _   
_**I want you so bad I can** _   
_**Taste your love right now baby** _

"Is that Janet Jackson?" Iris questioned as she looked at Barry, her head tilted in reflection. "Wait! Don't tell me! I know those lyrics..." she added as she pointed a finger at him to keep him from replying.

_**Day and night** _   
_**Night and day** _   
_**All I've got to say is** _

"If I was your girl, oh the things I'd do to you," Iris sang along the track, bobbing her head minutely as she listened to the rest of the chorus.

_Fuck._

Of course Barry knew that she hadn't been singing _to him,_ but she'd been looking straight at him...A fact she realized belatedly, if the widening of her gorgeous eyes was any indication.

"That's...that's a good remix of 'If'," she commented after she looked away, then she looked around the immaculate kitchen, and nodded satisfyingly.

"Thanks for helping me with the cleanup, by the way," she told him with exaggerated cheerfulness. "And thanks for the lasagna. Can't believe that I was about to pass up on that."

"You're welcome, Iris," he replied, and winced because even to his ears he'd sounded a bit breathless.

 _Shit_. It was the damn song. He might have masturbated to thoughts of Iris with it playing in the background. The original version, not this remix, and it had been five years, but clearly his brain didn't care about such details! 

"Sorry, um, I guess I'll go," he announced after clearing his throat and rubbing the back of his neck.

Wow, he hadn't felt this awkward in a long time, that was for sure.

"Barry, wait," Iris requested, her hand going to the inside of his elbow.

He'd removed his jacket, so he startled a bit at the delicate skin to skin contact. Then he looked down at her small and warm hand.

 _Jesus_ , he was going to dream about that purple nail polish. No doubt about it.

"We still have to talk, right?" She reminded him, her eyes fixed on the DS-1 printed on his t-shirt.

Did she find it too nerdy? He'd given up the business casual look after growing his beard, judging that he didn't need the clothes to look older anymore. That very t-shirt had helped him connect with Cisco two months and a half ago, after Barry had let him know that he wasn't the TA.

"Are you sure?" He asked her. "I don't want to rush you, Iris—"

"Barry, the earlier we talk about how we want to move forward, the faster we'll get where we want to be," she pointed out after letting go of him and sighing in measured but still obvious nervousness. "And if things don't work out between us in the end, at least I wouldn't have ruined too much of your social life this time—"

"Work out between us?" He repeated, shocked but forcing himself to keep up. "Do you mean..."

"I still have to check the University's Code of Conduct to check if that's allowed," Iris warned him with a casual shrug of her shoulders. "But yes, if that's what you want too, I'd like us to date."

Wait.

How could she be so casual about this? Was she _for real?_

_**   
If I was your girl ** _

_** — ** _

_** If I was your girl ** _

_** — ** _

_** If I was your girl ** _

The track had ended, and Barry didn't know the song that played next.

Barry preferred the structure of the Kaytranada remix of "If" because it didn't cut off at the painful reminder 'but I'm not' (your girl) like in the original version. No, this version let the whole chorus run and the disappointment bordering on despair in the words 'but I'm not, so I can't, then I won't" (do the things I want to do to you) was almost forgotten thanks to the repetition of the conditional sentence 'If I was your girl', which was framed by the upbeat tempo. It made the whole track sound hopeful.

Cisco had no idea how grateful Barry was to him for introducing him to that remix the first time he'd been to his new friend's room. It truly had kept him hopeful that things would go better between him and Iris than Oliver had predicted. 

_"Guys like us don't get the girl of our dreams,"_ the retired playboy had declared months ago.

"Is this a dream?" He asked out loud, because usually he woke up whenever he did that in his sleep.

Iris blinked at him then failed to hide her smile as she looked down.

"That was actually very smooth, Barry," Iris commented with a lopsided smile as she looked back up from underneath her long eyelashes."I bet you say that to all the girls."

"What other girls?" He responded cheekily, very appreciative of her flirty tone because it was helping him gather around the confidence he'd built up in the past four years.

Iris leaned her head back as she rolled her eyes then laughed in disbelief at his lame comeback, and Barry bit the corner of his lower lip as his eyes trailed down the column of her neck and his ears were blessed with the sound of her mirth.

She was beautiful effortlessly, but when she laughed? She was _divine._ A sun goddess brightening his life and warming his heart.

"Iris," he called out quietly, and his heart totally missed a beat when her arms suddenly wrapped around his middle and she pressed herself to his chest.

His arms didn't need any input from his brain to hug her back.

"I missed you so much, Bear," she whispered, emotional but not sad. "I'm really happy that...that you still care about me. About _us._ "

"I'll always care about you, Iris," he promised as he gently propped his chin on her hair. "Always."

She was so short now, _so tiny_ , and she fit so perfectly in his arms. He almost wanted to keep her there forever.

_Almost._

"Barry! What are you— _Barry!_ " Iris stuttered in mild panic as he lifted her off the floor and placed her on the kitchen island, and yep, _much better._

They were at eye level now.

"Oh my God," she whispered in shock as she placed both hands over her heart as soon as he let go of her. "You should've warned me! Why did you... _Barry!_ "

He couldn't help grinning like a fool in love as he placed his hands on each side of her body. Actually it was just his fingertips touching the newly cleaned surface, because he had to overextend his arms in order to keep the illusion of a respectable distance between them.

"My bad," he apologized without feeling an ounce of guilt, "I just really wanted to see your eyes. Your eyes are so beautiful, Iris."

And she was _so cute_ staring at him with that deer in the headlights look... _and_ when she narrowed her eyes in an attempt to look stern, but that tactic had stopped working when Barry was eleven; he'd just kept pretending that he was intimidated by her out of respect.

"Your eyes are very beautiful too, Barry," she finally replied, her tone much more calm than she looked. "And from that close I can see that you're wearing contacts. I was wondering if you'd had eye surgery."

"Remind me to tell you the story later," he suggested with a nod. "About CCU's Code of Conduct..."

"The rule of thumb is no student-professor relationship, but I've heard of exceptions," Iris let him know as she seemed to relax on her perch. "I'd have to ask a friend, she knows the details of one such exception."

"I've read every line of the fraternization rules and we actually qualify for two exceptions," Barry informed her as he glanced back and forth between her eyes and her lips. "The first one is if the two parties have known each other for more than a year before joining the university and both parties are of legal age before the first day of class. In that case the relationship must be declared beforehand...unless it also qualifies for the second exception: if there is no direct or indirect conflict of interests, meaning that the student not only won't take any course taught by the instructor after the relationship is declared, but that the student won't take any other course offered by the departments that the instructor belongs to. It's not as strict as one may think."

"Oh," Iris reacted, her eyes on his lips only. "Well, most student-professor romances bloom in the classroom or somewhere else on campus right? For those many cases, the rules will appear strict. We're lucky that—"

"May I kiss you, Iris?" Barry interrupted her as he flattened his palms on the counter, bringing himself a few inches closer to her.

She searched his eyes, and he was certain that there was no lust reflected in them this time. Just hope, happiness and _love._

* * *

3.

Soft. Everything was _so soft._

Barry's hold of her face with his large and warm hands; his beard caressing her skin; his lips pressing on hers; his tongue gliding against hers; her grip on his hair with one hand; the fabric of his t-shirt bunched in her other hand.

It was a very good kiss, slow and delicate and maybe a bit restrained. Not for long, though: they switched the directions of their head tilts, varied between gentle close-mouthed tugs of lips and languorous open-mouth sucking of tongues. But whether their lip-lock was chaste or dirty, they went at it very slowly, which gave them room to breathe (still faster than usual) and allowed them to stay in their bubble for long minutes.

If Iris hadn't started feeling heated, she might have let Barry kiss her for hours. But she _did_ feel heated, so she started exploring with her hands.

She slipped the one not buried in Barry's hair down his back, enjoying the hard planes of his muscles as she forced herself to move at an unhurried pace. She reached under his shirt and gently untucked his undershirt just as she opened her legs—good thing that she'd changed from her dress to a comfortable pair of jeans before going to Jitters—and she smiled against his lips when he hummed at the brush of her fingers against the firm, bare skin of his lower back.

As Iris had anticipated, Barry stepped closer to her, and she took advantage of his closer proximity to kiss the freckles down his neck.

(Yeah, she definitely had a thing for freckles.)

"Iris," he breathed out shakily, his hands shifting to her shoulders. "Oh, _fuck,_ Iris, wait..."

She barely contained her whine of disappointment as she felt his body heat desert her, then she heard him step back, again and again, until his back hit the fridge.

Oh, but when she opened her eyes, she was greeted by a very satisfying sight: his jade eyes glazed over, his cheeks and ears pink, that sexy beard framing his swollen, shiny and red lips, and his chest heaving.

"What's wrong?" Iris asked, and huh she hadn't meant to sound so seductive but she liked how he exhaled loudly in response.

"So-sorry it's...It's my fault, I, um," he stuttered as he ran a hand in his hair, then licked his lips.

Goodness. That was _Barry_. That was her little Bear. Her brain and heart were both a bit confused by the turn of events. _Not_ complaining, just confused.

However, her body was getting impatient because the last time, no the _fifteen last times_ she'd kissed a guy, she'd immediately been groped and undressed and ravaged on some surface.

( _Ugh,_ fifteen times in less than five months, all of them one-night stands. Linda had been right to do an intervention last year.)

 ** _A twelve-month dry spell isn't any better,_** the little devil grumbled.

 _You're still here?_ Iris asked in shock.

 _ **I'm not going anywhere until that wet dream comes true!**_ Her terrible conscience warned. _ **Linda said to spice up your life. We're in a kitchen, ergo—**_

 _Oh my God, would you just shut up?_ Iris demanded.

"We should, um, we should just talk?" Barry suggested. "Then I really need to leave, I haven't unpacked anything at the hotel..."

 _ **Not the t-word again!**_ The voice in Iris head whined.

"Talk? Talk about what?" Iris herself had to ask, because, hadn't they talked _already?_

"Shall we fill up the paperwork to declare that we're dating tomorrow?" Barry inquired hurriedly. "Or after our first date? Or our _third date?_ Wait, we already kissed...And um, do you have lunchtime free? Can I see you on campus? Ah, maybe that's a bad idea—"

"Barry, _slow down,_ " Iris instructed him, because he was getting fidgety and even fourteen-year-old Barry wasn't that nervous around her.

"We definitely shouldn't meet on campus, at least not before we fill up the paperwork," she advised as she hopped off the kitchen island and went to grab glasses from the dish rack. "And...I don't think that we should declare anything until you're sure that you want us to become official."

"Huh?" He reacted, his hand stopping on its way to accept the glass of water she was offering him.

Iris sighed, then nudged the drink into his hand, and he took it firmly but kept staring at her.

She saw his whole demeanor change, going from confused to assertive again. Actually, from confused to _skeptical._

"Do you mean until _you're_ sure that you want us to become official," he questioned her without the inflection at the end, "because _I'm sure,_ Iris. I've been sure for ten years."

"See, _this_ is why I want us to wait," she replied after she placed her empty glass in the sink and turned to face him. "Barry, your desire to be with me is based on a childhood crush—"

"It's _not_ a crush!" He denied vehemently. "Iris, I'm eighteen, you think that I wouldn't know the difference by now?"

"I don't know!" She answered, before an idea popped in her head. "You've had a girlfriend before, right?"

"Yeah," He confirmed, and it was so silly and cute that he seemed to be ashamed of that fact. " _Girlfriends_. I cared about them, but...They didn't care about me as much. And caring isn't the same as being in love. I _know_ the difference."

"What do you mean, that they didn't care about you as much?" Iris questioned him, and his long answer floored her.

He'd _tested_ them? He'd bullshitted six young, impressionable girls who were most likely too intimidated not just by his family's status in Star City but also by his assertiveness, and come on, Barry looked so handsome! Iris had put up with dumb stuff from _Tony,_ who'd been very intimidating himself as the star of the football team.

(And wow, _six_ girlfriends? That was _a lot._ Had Iris been a bad role model to her former young friend? She herself had had four boyfriends in high school, and he knew that.)

"Barry..." she sighed as she rubbed her forehead, looking for the right words to say.

"What? Oliver was right!" He claimed defensively. " _You_ didn't let me get away with any of my disrespectful bull—nonsense earlier! You've _never_ let me get away with any nonsense! You've always held me to a high standard and—"

"Barry, we were friends for _eight years,_ " she reminded him. "And I was _paid_ to make you behave for six of those eight years. On top of that, I'm _older_ than you, and so are Oliver, John and Lyla. We have a moral _and_ social obligation to make you acknowledge and reflect on your mistakes."

"Felicity _isn't_ older than me," he pointed out stubbornly. "Neither is Cisco, or Caitlin...Caitlin nags _everyone_ all the time!"

"And what do we all have in common?" She asked him, and she knew that he knew the answer but that he didn't want to say it because she was using her teacher's voice on him.

"Barry, we're all your _friends_ ," Iris explained anyways. "We don't have to fight for your attention, we don't worry about someone else taking our spot in your heart. We don't fear that you'll get fed up with us if you find us too judgmental and choose someone else who will put up with your 'nonsense'. And you said that you only annoyed them for a week. Maybe they thought that you just had a bad week, it wasn't representative of your _general behavior._ "

"I...I didn't think about that," he admitted with a frown before grabbing his hair tightly. "Shit! I mean, shoot."

Should Iris tell him that unlike Cisco, he was free to swear however he wanted? Cisco was still a minor living under her roof, and he was Dante's younger brother. Dante had little tolerance for swear words.

 _Nah,_ it was fine.

Barry hit the side of his head against the fridge and let out a quiet groan.

"I owe them all an apology," he declared somberly as he patted his pockets, probably looking for his cell phone. " _Jesus_ , Anya...she let me insult her brother just to keep me? She should've dumped me on the spot! At least Crys stopped being pressured by her dad..."

"It doesn't change the fact that you didn't trust them, Barry," Iris remembered to point out as he started texting his exes. "You shouldn't feel paranoid about the reasons why your girlfriends are dating you, that's terrible. I knew that your maternal family was powerful in Star City, but I didn't expect...I'm sorry that you had to feel guarded like that right from your first dating experience. You were right to end the relationships, you just shouldn't have made them feel miserable for a whole week."

"Okay," Barry acknowledged, looking relieved already. "And it's not like...I was just trying to get over you Iris. I tried to fall for them, but I shouldn't have bothered. My heart has always only belonged to you."

Damn. His candor turned the cheesy line into a poignant declaration, and she was a bit dizzy being the audience of such heartfelt words.

Except for Tony, Jake and Keante, Iris could say for certain that her boyfriends had cared about her. They'd liked her very much, in their own way. Quite a few of her one-night stands had actually wanted to form a lasting relationship with her—one of them, Melvin, a best-selling author on a promo tour, had been ready to cancel the rest of his tour and rent an apartment in Central City just to get a chance to date her properly. 

So, no, Iris wasn't a stranger to having guys look at her with heart eyes and tell her words that everyone wanted to hear from their love interests. But she'd never had one who looked so sincerely, so completely _in love with her._

She didn't want to believe that his feelings would last, though. He was still a boy, really; a boy who'd grown up looking up to her. While Linda was right to say that she hadn't really raised him, she knew that she'd given him as much affection as a caring family member would've, and thus for the greater part of his life. And he'd been a big part of her life, too, she wasn't blind to that fact. She'd still been a kid herself when she accepted him as her responsibility, when she started seeing him as a reflection of her own behavior. As a gauge of her own goodness. After being grounded for a year she'd wanted to prove to her parents that they could trust her then, that she was safe to be let loose again. She'd shoved her outrage and rebellious thoughts in a box and had locked them securely.

That box had seemingly re-opened the night of her twenty-seventh birthday, and she'd desperately tried to replace the dream guy of her sexiest and most realistic wet dream with another face.

Yet here was the real life model that her subconscious had used to create that dream guy...She was doing this _all wrong_ —

"Iris, no, _please_ ," Barry said, and she hadn't seen him move but he was now gripping her upper arms and was staring into her eyes, his own bright with panic.

"I love you, _I swear_ I do," he insisted as he rubbed her arms through her knitted sweater, then brought his hands to frame her face again. "It's not a crush, it's not some juvenile infatuation. It's love, it's real. I'll prove it to you, I will! Just give me a chance. _Please,_ Iris."

"Okay," she agreed as she placed her hands on his wrists, and gave him a smile that she hoped reached her eyes. 

"I believe you Barry, of course, I do," she lied as she went up on her tip toes to kiss the corner of his mouth, and he looked placated then, smiling at her brightly, hearts back in his eyes.

He would be the one to _dump her_ , anyways. With any luck she'd get a one week notice, too.

* * *

4.

When he'd apologized to his exes, Barry had been shocked by their easy forgiveness. Then he'd winced when most of them had asked if he was coming back to Star City next year, and if he'd like to catch up some time—not Becky, who'd made sure to let him know that she was in a _perfect_ relationship now.

He hadn't felt guilty about gently rejecting the others' attempts to reconnect because he felt that he was already paying the price for being such a jerk to them.

His three-days-old relationship with Iris had him in a constant phase of _panic_ : he was convinced that Iris was never going to officialize their relationship. Worse, she was going to tell him that it had all been a joke, perfect first kiss and everything. He was paranoid when she cut their following make out sessions short, even though it was clearly to avoid being seen by Cisco. And Barry had woken up in sweat on Tuesday, from a dream featuring the memory of her closing the door of her parents' house after telling him goodbye four years ago.

From outside he looked composed and confident, but that was just muscle memory from his extensive dating experience. Inside he was _freaking out_ because surely Iris would realize any second that he was not worthy of her, or her parents would find out about them and tell her to break things off again.

Therefore, when he received a text from her in the middle of his biomed club meeting late on Wednesday afternoon (earning a glare from Caitlin), he feared the worst: was she tired of him already? 

But Iris just wanted to know if he needed a ride back to the hotel because Cisco was using the car to run errands for Dante.

"Thank you, Iris," Barry said right away as he got into her car—it smelled good, a hint of her perfume complementing the citrusy car freshener. It made him very self-aware of his own smell of sweat and ethanol. He'd worked between classes and his biochem lab hadn't cancelled unlike his physics one, which was why Cisco had been able to leave campus hours before him.

While they exchanged summaries of their day, Barry decided to stop passively waiting for his dream relationship to fail. He had to be proactive about _making it work._

It was Thanksgiving's eve, so restaurants were still open, but his status as Iris' boyfriend wasn't official yet so they couldn't be seen walking down the street...Oh, there was something happening at the hotel's restaurant that would definitely interest Iris!

"Hey, if you don't have anything planned, what about dinner together at the hotel? They have a renown sushi chef visiting," he suggested, proud that his tone was a good mixture of assertiveness and deference.

"Sushi!" Iris repeated cheerfully, prolonging the long i ("the short i doesn't exist in the Japanese language, it's soo-shee!") and Barry smiled at her almost childish excitement.

"Should I change?" She then asked. "I look okay, right? Riverside Plaza is pretty upscale."

"You always look amazing, Iris," he reassured her, though he didn't know what she was wearing under her favorite beige trench coat, which she'd bought on that Black Friday four years ago.

 _Positive thoughts, positive thoughts,_ Barry chanted in his head.

"Welcome back Mr. Allen, ma'am," the doorman greeted them after the valet took away Iris' car (Barry didn't use valet parking for Cisco's car, but this was a special occasion).

"How's it going Finn?" Barry greeted back as Iris went through the opened one-way glass door. "It's gotten chillier every day since I got here, it's insane."

"There are actually chances of snow tonight," the older man informed him. "Stay warm!" He added with a wink that made Barry grin like a fool.

Yeah, that gorgeous woman walking with him was Iris West, and she _was_ his girlfriend.

His hotel room was a much nicer place to invite his girlfriend than his dorm room, for sure. Barry was a fairly neat person, but the cleaning crew made his temporary home even neater.

"That's a nice place to get back to after a long day at school," Iris coincidentally commented as she toed off her pumps while he closed the door behind them.

She startled a bit when he got behind her to help her out of her coat.

"Thank you, Barry," she said with a smile before he hung the coat in his small closet, which he did without looking because his eyes couldn't leave Iris.

She looked _regal_ in that long sleeve knee-length dress, its rich, deep green color flattering her skin tone. The boatneck and cinched waist design was modest, but it was clearly of high quality. If Barry had to guess, the fabric was a hundred percent cotton twill, likely designed and sewn by that local fashion designer, a CCU alumnus that Iris supported since her college days.

How did her students pay attention in class with her looking _like that?_

"The silver of your jewelry, the green of your dress and the dark brown of your shoes," he rushed to critique when Iris noticed his lingering gaze. "The deep earth tones are reminiscent of a forest, it's very elegant yet natural."

"Is that _all_ you'd like to say about my outfit, Barry?" Iris questioned him, her eyes bright with...amusement?

"You look dreamy, Iris," he complimented sincerely, blushing a bit. "Like a silvan elf queen."

Her eyes sparked up with recognition. Of course, as an English teacher, she knew about Tolkien's works, possibly more so than a casual nerd like him.

"Do you know how to say thank you in Sindarin?" She questioned him with her teacher's voice, but she now had this playful, anticipatory one-sided smirk on her lips that completely erased his doubts about their date and uplifted his mood.

"The 'hannon le' used in the Lord of the Rings trilogy was apparently incorrect?" He remembered. 

"Yep," Iris confirmed as she walked closer to him and extended a hand to open the closet wider and peer at his shirts.

She picked a hanger with a navy button-down and held it in front of him, nodding in serious approval before looking up at him and smiling again. 

"A more accurate alternative would be 'annon allen',"☆ she informed him.

"A...non-Allen?" He repeated awkwardly, surprised by the coincidental enunciation of his last name.

"Uh-huh, a non-Allen," she repeated his mispronounced phrase, biting her lip so she wouldn't laugh before she delivered the dorky joke Barry sensed was coming. "So, a _West?_ " she added with a wink, and both dissolved in tears of laughter at her terrible pun.

How had Barry forgotten that the woman he loved was not just smart, kind and beautiful, but also very funny?

Barry took a quick shower while Iris distracted herself watching the news on a channel in Spanish on his complementary cable TV.

And again, old habits made him forget that he wasn't supposed to feel comfortable walking around with a towel around his hips _in front of Iris._

The wide-eye look she gave him before sharply looking back at the TV was of course much more gratifying than the hungry or demure looks he'd earned from his ex-girlfriends in the same situation.

"Oh, hey, I called the restaurant and reserved us a table by the sushi bar," Iris let him know cautiously as she chanced more glances at him the more clothes he put on. "If it's not too crowded we'll be able to see the chef make our rolls! I haven't had pickled ginger in forever. And tempura!"

That kept a smile on Barry's face as he quickly blowdried and combed his hair.

That excitement about food? He had missed that about Iris too. He wasn't as much of a foodie as her, but he ate _a lot_ and he savored every bite. Except for Felicity, no one Barry knew in Star City cared about the taste of food: Oliver was so healthy that he drank wheatgrass tea twice a day; Dig and Lyla were always annoyed that they actually needed to feed themselves to stay performant; Barry's girlfriends always watched their calories; and Barry's family was all about the origin and price of their meals.

At the restaurant, Iris enjoyed the imported sake as well as a wide variety of rolls. Their bill actually came cheaper than expected because the entire crew had been impressed by her impeccable table manners and her ability to compliment the food in her choppy but still understandable Japanese. Barry thought that the Itamae and his sous-chefs had also, understandably, been charmed by her beauty. 

When they returned to Barry's room, Iris announced that she wouldn't leave right away because of her moderate alcohol consumption. He laughed at her joke about the rice vinegar used in almost all the dishes they'd consumed being _contaminated with ethanol_ , and that it could potentially skew the result of the breathalyzer test.

"Seriously, that's the secret of delicious sushi," she insisted playfully as she looked out the window. "Barry! It's snowing!" She announced excitedly a minute later.

"For real? Finn wasn't kidding," Barry commented as he joined her to gaze at the view of the river and downtown Keystone City.

He quickly detected some tension in Iris' posture despite the eerily peaceful moment they were having.

"Iris? What is it?" He asked her quietly as he brought a hand to her shoulder, pleased to feel her relax a bit at his touch.

"It's silly, really," she answered with a slight shake of her head. "But the Japanese believe that a couple seeing the first snow of the year on their date...will be happy forever. But we're not Japanese, right?" She asked as she looked up at him with sad eyes.

Alright, Barry couldn't allow any more doubts to spoil their romance for the rest of this Thanksgiving week.

"Don't you want us to be happy forever, Iris?" He asked her as he gently lifted her chin with a knuckle from his free hand, while the one at her shoulder slid around and down to her back.

"I do, but—" she started answering, but he quieted her with a kiss.

He'd meant for it to be chaste, but Iris threw her arms around his neck to pull him closer. She coaxed his mouth open and the whole alcohol in the vinegar was indeed a joke, because surely if there was any contaminant it was _sugar._ Iris tasted incredibly sweet right there. 

Barry really tried to take things slow as Iris led him to his bed, but she wasn't having it. Her movements weren't even frantic, but they were swift and precise. By the time they dropped on the luxurious mattress, Barry was in his undershirt and boxer briefs, his pants hanging down his ankles. He kicked them off, taking a moment to sit down and get his socks off as well while Iris inspected the condoms she found in the drawers of his bedside table.

"Sorry that you have to see this," Iris whispered seriously, and he turned around worryingly only to chuckle at the way she squirmed around to get her tights off.

Oh God, _her legs_...Barry had dreamed of worshiping Iris' legs too many times to count. Would she let him do that? It seemed that she needed an orgasm asap, and he didn't want to make her wait.

The way she tugged at the hem of his undershirt confirmed that she wasn't in the mood for a prolonged foreplay.

"I wanted our first time to be special," he admitted as he divested himself of one more piece of clothing, remaining in only his bottom underwear while Iris was still zipping down her dress after shifting to a seat at one edge of the bed.

"Barry, you _are_ special to me, so this is special too," she told him over her shoulder, turning her head and torso to look at him.

He held her gaze for long seconds, memories of all the time she'd made him _feel_ special echoing in his gradually hazy mind. Her tone was almost almost casual but not quite, and he imagined that they would've been more emotional about her declaration if sex hadn't been so urgent on their minds.

"Let me, please," he offered as he crawled over to her side to help her out of her sleeves.

Then he couldn't help kissing down her spine while caressing the toned muscles of her back—had she gone back to boxing?

"Barry, _Barry_ ," she breathed out his name softly, the sweetest music he'd heard his whole life.

 _She sounds desperate, but not at her limits,_ he assessed as she turned around, and the sight of her bare chest almost short-circuited his brain.

 _I'll make her beg next time,_ he promised himself before scooping her legs with his arm to bring them back on the bed, then pulling her dress all the way off.

He couldn't resist running one hand along one of her smooth thighs, and got rewarded by the shiver that made her tremble right before he lowered his head in order to mouth at the underside of her breasts. Her soft moans emboldened him, so he circled her taut nipples with his tongue, one after the other, all the while he discreetly took one condom packet and tore it open with his free hand—very slowly because his supporting elbow was wobbly on the soft mattress.

(He owed that fine motor skill to his biochem lab.)

Barry had to take away the hand that had been edging towards the inside of Iris' thigh when she moaned loudly at the way he kissed down her torso. He turned around and sat up to pull off his boxer briefs, his movement not much more coordinated than Iris' had been earlier.

The only barrier left between them were Iris' lacy panties and the condom he still had to take out of its square foil.

"Iris," he whispered in awe at her magnificence, his hands touching her anywhere he could reach. "Tell me what to do—"

"You've had sex before, haven't...oh," she couldn't finish her rhetorical question, her words turned into a breathy whimper as he rubbed her clit through the soft material of her underwear—which was soaked through already.

Iris parted her legs wider, lifting up her knees to allow him closer.

"Yes, but...I'm feeling all out of my element right now," he confessed as he used both hands to remove her panties, slotted himself between her thighs and leaned down to kiss up her sternum and lick the hollow of her collarbone before nipping at her neck.

"Teach me how to pleasure you, Iris West," he requested seductively before he could straighten up to slip the condom on.  


He was surprised to see her staring at him, the lust in her eyes not as prominent as the pure shock widening them.

"What is it?" He asked, a bit worried.

His dick was an average size, right? None of his previous girlfriends had ever complained, some had ever claimed that he was bigger than they'd expected.

"Can you...come closer?" Iris requested, sounding not shy but confused.

What was going on? Oh God, had she _changed her mind_ about having sex with him?

"Oh," Barry let out breathlessly, quickly lowering down on the bed with his forearms framing Iris' head when she started touching him, no, _exploring him_ : his pecs, his abs, his shoulders , his arms and back, and she shamelessly groped his behind.

He almost came when she licked a path up his neck while simultaneously pumping his dick through the condom.

"Iris!" He gasped, positively losing his mind.

"Barry... _my little bear,_ " she whispered in his ear, and oh.

He'd never truly acknowledged how _taboo_ their relationship could be seen. Iris hadn't quite raised him, but she'd been his caretaker for many years. She'd never made it look like she was babysitting him just for the money. Every day until she'd become just his tutor rather than his nanny, she'd showered him with affection, had treated him with tenderness.

He'd never seen her like a surrogate mother, nor a sister, but until he'd known that his feelings for her were romantic, Iris had been part of his _family_ to him, and she'd had to have felt something similar for him. Or maybe not. She'd always insisted that they'd been friends.

"Lie down, Bear," she whispered in his ear.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, it was _wrong_ to think about it now, but how many times had she given him that instruction right before tucking him in at night, and he'd wanted her to come in bed with him, back when his thoughts had been completely innocent?

And right now, after he obediently flipped on his back, she carefully lifted his head with one hand and placed a pillow under him with the other, just like she would do back then if he forgot to do it himself. 

_Fuck._ He couldn't tell if this was right or wrong...

"I'm going to fuck you, Barry," Iris announced breathily. 

...if his love was pure or sinful...

"Nice and slow for a start huh? Then we'll go faster," she promised as she kissed his chest, then licked his abs.

...if this was heaven or hell...

"Just like before, alright Barry? _I'll teach you,_ " she finally agreed to his request.

...but it was definitely a _dream come true._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> ☆"Annon allen" IS a decent translation of "I give thanks to you" in Sandarin. I'm a serious nerd, I looked it up.
> 
> I chose to raise the temperature now instead of escalating everything in the next chapter, which is E-rating through and through, interspersed with lots of angst because you know, West-Allen drama!


	6. This Is Too Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry learns a bed skill or two from Iris, and shows off his own; Iris has a heart to heart with Henry, enlightening Barry on facts he'd never suspected; rain and music are romance's best allies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title: "This Is Too Long"!!! Which is why it took forever to post.
> 
> You wanted details my friends, so let me know how that turned out 🙈 There's some angst to compensate for all the gratuitous smut. But I ended the chapter on a high note...You'll get the pun later LOL.
> 
> Section 4. is set on December 12th, so slight time jump from Thanksgiving. 
> 
> Warning for mention of depression and mild child neglect in the ** flashback in section 2 and the few paragraphs preceding and following it. I tried to balance it out with some levity from the little devil.

1.

"Fuck," Barry breathed out as Iris gracefully lifted back up after one last broad lick of her tongue on his lower belly. She'd worked around his rock-hard dick, and he couldn't tell if he was disappointed or relieved that she'd ignored it.

She swung a leg across his hips, briefly supporting herself with one hand at the base of his ribcage before sitting on her heels and bringing both hands behind her neck.

She stayed hovering over him as she gathered her long hair in one fist, twirled it like a cord and wrapped it in a low bun using her other hand. It didn't even take a minute, but Barry felt his body thrum with impatience and his hands itch to touch her— _anywhere._

But she'd just said that she'd teach him, and he didn't want to do anything unless she instructed him to do so.

"Don't worry," she told him with a knowing look and a small smile as he watched her tuck her hair in place. "I'll let you pull on it another time. When you take me from behind, yeah?"

_Jesus._

"I, I don't...no, I," he stuttered, trying to convey that he wouldn't do that—yeah, okay, it _was_ one of his wildest fantasies, but really he'd rather make love to her in all the many other positions that would allow him to see her face, to gauge whether or not he was truly pleasuring her.

"Barry, breathe," Iris instructed him, herself taking a nice deep breath through her nose.

He followed her lead, taking, one, two, three calming breaths, choking a bit on the fourth one because Iris took his cock in her hand again.

"You have good control over your body," she observed, or maybe complimented him? He didn't have the brain power to make that distinction because she brought his tip to her pussy and teased him up and down her slit.

He shifted to exhaling through his mouth, focusing on the action of his fingers gripping the bed sheets tightly and contracting his abdominal muscles even as he watched Iris swivel her hips above him. 

He felt her eyes on him, but couldn't meet her gaze. He was scared of losing it if he saw the facial expression that went with the quiet humming sounds coming from her lips.

"Hold my hips, Bear," she said softly, huffing in amusement as his hands latched onto her body so fast that they made a slapping sound.

"Sorry," he whispered, embarrassed, but she minutely shook her head in reassurance.

"It's okay, Barry, I love your eagerness. Always have," she admitted, and his chest filled up with adoration.

So he wasn't quite prepared for the hot and slippery tightness that engulfed him, but thankfully he instinctively went back to controlling his breathing, and by the time Iris was halfway down his length he wasn't too scared of cumming prematurely.

She leaned down a bit and placed her hands on the mattress, framing his torso, giving him an incredible view of her perky breasts.

He wanted to lick them, but their height difference didn't allow it at his current elevation.

Both of them moaned when Iris bottomed out, and Barry noticed right away that she wasn't dropping all of her weight on him. She wasn't putting any unnecessary pressure on her knees either, relying more on her legs and feet than on her hands to keep her balance. And once he looked closely he saw that the lines of her obliques were more pronounced than earlier.

Fuck, even her body control was turning him on.

"You feel so good, Barry— _oh fuck_ ," she let him know on her slow way up, her tone almost delirious. "So big and long, um...ah! Easy, Bear."

Damn it, he'd thrust his hips up without thinking, his body chasing her delicious heat, and he felt whatever blood wasn't crowding his groin area rush to his face and chest.

"Don't, ngh...don't apologize," she spoke up before he could indeed whisper "sorry".

He tried to make it up to her by slowly grinding against her pelvis when she was all the way back down again.

"I can take it, just...oh, yes, _slowly,_ Bear, just like that uh-huh..."

Her positive feedback emboldened him, so he gripped her hips a bit tighter and started controlling her speed on her next pass up, biting his lower lip hard before he dared dip her hips halfway through, then resumed pulling her up.

The unexpected move had the desired effect of stealing a moan from Iris, but also the undesired effect of having her vaginal walls spasm around him, which made him gasp loudly and almost lose control.

"Ooh, that was fun," she commented with a breathy laugh, and chuckling along with her helped him stay lucid somewhat, but not by much.

In fact, he felt the tightness in his balls intensify after merely two more slow bounces, and his cock pulsed in warning inside Iris.

"Fuck," they said in unison, and Iris lowered her chest a bit more and shifted her weight to one hand before bringing the other to her body.

"It's okay, 's okay," she reassured him, her words slightly slurred.

He instinctively snapped his hips up when she stopped moving her hips altogether before fingering herself—he couldn't see it, his head was thrown back, but he felt her fingertips brush his cock as she gathered her wetness before rubbing her clit.

He was trying to last, but she felt _so crazily good._ He felt that he was going to come first, and the dread of that outcome didn't even cool him down— _shit!_ He'd wanted to impress her. He wasn't a sex god or anything, but...

"Hands on my tits, Barry, come on," Iris' quick instruction helped him focus just in time to stave off his orgasm.

After sucking up much needed oxygen to recenter himself, he tilted his head down to watch what he was doing.

He should've thought about fondling her breasts on his own: half of his exes always came faster if he played with their boobs. Iris' reaction was similarly rewarding: she let out a long 'ah' and pushed her chest further into his hands.

"Yes, yes, you can pinch—harder, _fuck yes!_ " she half directed half commented and _woah_ her pussy almost squeezed him numb, and her hand started moving more aggressively on her clit.

Realizing that she'd caught up to him, Barry made sure to watch the telling signs of her orgasm: her body relaxed for half a second before tensing up _hard_ , and while his balls tightened to their limit he felt her inner walls tremble around his dick.

And her face, _God_...her eyes rolled back behind her fluttering eyelids before she squeezed them shut, and her jaw went slack.

She let out a low breathy moan just as Barry pumped up into her a few more times, dropping his hands from her chest to her ass (he'd think about her ass later, now wasn't the right time) in order to rock her in a tight forward and back motion. He closed his eyes when stars erupted in his field of vision...but then reopened them in shock at the sound of Iris' letting out a higher-pitched whimper when she came _a second time_ just as he emptied himself into the condom.

No way! Two for one? Talk about beginner's luck.

His pride flared even brighter when Iris failed to coordinate her movements above him, and she whined in defeat when her shaky hands failed to find purchase on the mattress. They both gasped at the heated contact of their damp skins when she basically dropped on his chest. He massaged her back soothingly as the last tremors of her body ebbed away.

For a few seconds, Barry enjoyed the soft press of Iris' curves on him and the staccato rhythms of their heartbeats, breathing as fully as possible as he recovered from his physical and mental high. Then he wrapped one arm around Iris' back and used the other hand to prop one of her thighs against him before slowly rolling to the side.

Iris hummed and shifted to better let him carefully pull out of her. They both winced when, instead of a sexy wet sound, his disengagement made a funky noise that was a disturbing cross between a fart and the sound of Cisco sucking loudly on a Twizzler. Ugh.

"Music to my ear," she joked, and he chuckled as he rolled over in the opposite direction to dispose of the condom.

He balked, not disgusted but definitely annoyed, when he got some of his own jizz on his hand when he tied up the latex. Come on, he was supposed to be able to do that neatly with his eyes closed...

Oh.

He'd ejaculated a bit more than usual. Huh.

He went to the bathroom to trash the condom and quickly wash his hands, and even switched to his cheaper, more comfortable contact lenses that tired his eyes if he used a microscope. It was a bad idea with either types of contacts, but if he fell asleep the softer ones wouldn't irritate his eyes so much.

When he returned to the bedroom, Iris was sprawled diagonally on the bed, belly down, her lower body under the sheets and her head by the nightstand closer to the window.

Barry put his boxer briefs back on then walked towards her torso. He saw her finish typing something on her phone before letting it drop on the floor, her arm dangling over the side of the bed while she tucked her face in the crook of her other arm on the mattress.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he gingerly sat down next to her, sensing that her mood had gone a bit low.

"To be honest, I don't know, Bear," she admitted in a muffled voice before tensing up.

What? Why? Had he been too rough? Was she hurt?

"Shit, I should stop calling you that," she mumbled as she turned her head towards him, her voice coming out more clearly.

"What? Why?" He asked her, lifting his eyebrows in confusion as she frowned at him with a little pout.

 _Cute,_ but really, why? He loved the pet name. Oliver called him 'Barr' sometimes, skipping the final y. But that was just a shortened version of his name (which was technically a nickname), whereas Iris used a real term of endearment.

"Does it really not disturb you that I used to be your _babysitter?_ " She asked quietly, her eyes searching his. 

Uh-oh, he better look away or she'd see—

" _Right_ , 'taboo kink'," she drawled before propping her chin on her arm, looking straight ahead at the window.

The curtains were still half drawn, the window offering the view on the Keystone City skyline. The snow had stopped, though. 

"What? No!" Barry denied belatedly, then winced when Iris glared at him from the corner of her eyes.

"I mean, yes, _but no_...it's not like that!" He tried to defend as a blush crept up the back of his neck. 

"Go ahead and explain how it is then, Bartholomew," she challenged him.

He swallowed down in an attempt to combat the mild dryness of his throat, then realized that it wasn't just dry because he was nervous, but because he and Iris had physically exerted themselves.

He slowly stood up and took the pitcher of water in the mini fridge and upturned two of the three clean glasses from the tray on top of it. That gave him some time to put his thoughts together. 

"Iris, _I swear_ that the idea of our relationship being taboo hasn't been at the forefront of my mind," he said as evenly as possible as he passed her one of the glasses.* "Not the social aspect of it, I mean. Yeah, our age difference is impossible to ignore, but it's the legality of the situation that always irked me, not...Seriously, you weren't babysitting me anymore by the time I started thinking of sex, you know? So no, it never bothered me."

He must have said the right thing because once she drank half of her glass and put it away on top of a pamphlet on the nightstand, she turned her head back to him and gave him a nod and a small smile.

"It wasn't until you told me to lie down and you put the pillow under my head that I remembered you doing that when you'd tuck me in back in the day," he confessed shyly.

 _That_ was the wrong thing to say this time, because Iris closed her eyes tightly and groaned into the crook of her bent arm.

"Of course _I'm the one_ who put the idea in your head!" She whined, shaking her own head so vigorously that her hair unraveled and spilled out over the shoulder of her hanging arm.

Oh. That was quite the cinematic scene, if one ignored how she huffed in annoyance afterwards. And then she flipped her head and her long dark tresses spread over her naked back....

Did she really not know how sensual that was?

"Iris, does that really bother you so much? That you used to be my babysitter?" Barry asked after recovering from his daze.

Maybe he should've been satisfied with her acceptance of his response, but he had to know what _she_ thought, what her doubts about their relationship were. They had to air out all their concerns _right now,_ for both of their peace of mind. And whatever Iris' doubts were, they could work them out together.

This was Iris Ann West, the love of his life. He wouldn't let her end things between them without putting up a fight this time around.

"I just...I feel like I did something _wrong,_ " Iris explained as she folded both arms and placed her chin on her crossed hands. "For you to start seeing me in a romantic light, you know? I was supposed to be an authority figure to you!"

"At fifteen years old?" He asked, incredulous.

She blinked at him, sighed a little then shrugged.

"You were more of a role model, I guess, on top of being a romantic interest," he conceded with a nod, "I wanted to be worthy of you so I wanted to be just like you: smart, passionate and confident. And we were friends, right? You never talked to me with an air of superiority," he pointed out as he placed his hand at the edge of the bed, not too far from her elbow.

He smiled in relief when she unfolded that arm to place her hand on top of his.

"We _were_ friends, Barry," she confirmed quietly. "So I thought that I _knew you_ , that I understood you. I was certain that the obvious crush you had for me earlier on had faded away. But I was wrong. Until I talked to Linda last Sunday, I still couldn't even pinpoint the signs that should've warned me that you had feelings for me."

"You talked to Linda last Sunday?" He asked, trying his best not to fidget. "How could _she_ have seen the signs? She only saw us the one time on Black Friday four years ago, and the time before that was definitely when I was ten."

Barry remembered having a bad feeling about the dismissive tone Linda had used at the end of their phone call four years ago. In fact, hadn't Linda wished not to see him for four years? And she'd told him to get a girlfriend his own age. That was borderline creepy in hindsight, but Barry wasn't the superstitious kind. Most importantly, Linda had seen through him so easily, had called him a 'little shit' and 'deceptive'.

"Does she disapprove of...us?" He asked another question he wasn't happy bringing up but knew they had to talk about.

Linda Park was Iris' best friend. Four years ago, Barry had told her that they were both Iris' best friends, but he'd known deep down that he was no rival to the sports reporter. How could he be? Linda had been in Iris' life even before he was born.

As a child, Barry had disliked Iris' 'girl' right away because he'd quickly understood that Linda was just as important to Iris as her parents. He'd understood that Linda was more important to Iris _than him._ And years later, Barry had realized that whereas Iris' love interests were not guaranteed a permanent spot in her life, Linda Park would _always_ be there. And at the mall on that Black Friday, he'd overheard Iris promise Linda that she would never again get serious with anyone without considering Linda's opinion of the guy, so it was perfect that Linda was the one introducing her to Scott Evans.

Therefore, if Linda didn't like Barry...

"Is that one of the reasons why you want us to test things out before becoming official?" He asked. "Because Linda doesn't want you to date me? She knows that I'm eighteen, right? Our relationship isn't illegal..."

He blinked in confusion when Iris burst in unexpected laughter, gripping his hand more tightly as she hid her face in her other arm to snort in amusement.

"Sorry, sorry," Iris said once she calmed down, and Barry didn't mind that much, he loved hearing her laugh.

He wanted to make her smile and laugh all the time, from the time she woke up to the time she went to bed... _with him._

"This is approximately what Linda told me after I'd told her about our awkward then sexually-charged reunion," Iris announced before changing her pitch: "'Little shit's legal now, you should just fuck him, he wants you to teach him all the bedroom skills you know!' By the way, I'd guessed that you were already proficient in sex, and I was right."

"What? And _what?_ " Barry asked, feeling his whole face heating up. "No, I'm not proficient in...Iris!"

He started fidgeting then, because not only was he embarrassed as hell about Linda's words, but he was somehow getting turned on by Iris' indirect compliment of his bedroom skills, his dick wondering if a round two was in the plans.

"It's a compliment, dude!" Iris specified as she shoved his shoulder.

Thankfully she didn't have the leverage to make him budge otherwise she might have seen his dick hardening underneath his boxer briefs.

For fuck's sake, they were having _a serious conversation!_ Why was his body acting like he was thirteen all over again?

"Seriously Barry, did you read books for that too?" Iris teased him as she patted his knee, lifting off the bed a bit and making him blank out for a second when she exposed her bare chest. "Giving me a g-spot orgasm the very first time? It's almost ridiculous."

Oh, that's what that second orgasm was? Cool.

Barry had actually stayed away from sex literature when puberty hit to avoid triggering his subconscious. He hadn't wanted to increase the already worrying number of erotic dreams starring Iris that he had on a regular basis.

He did _know of_ the mysterious g-spot, and obviously he knew about the clitoris, but really he'd just used the live feedback of his previous girlfriends to pleasure them. He didn't always make them come with penetrative sex, but he always made them come eventually, usually with his mouth and fingers...

Damn, _now_ he wanted to spend the rest of the night eating Iris out.

"Uh," he heard Iris whisper, and he slapped a hand on his eyes after seeing her glance at the tenting of his underwear. 

_Shit._

"I'm not saying that you're abnormal or weird, babe," she reassured him in advance, "but I don't remember any of my teenage boyfriends having such a short refractory period."

Her calling him 'babe' would've made him swoon if he wasn't so embarrassed. He did not have such a short refractory period _either,_ not since he'd started high school! This _was_ abnormal!

"Sorry," he whispered as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"I might start punishing you for every unnecessary 'sorry' you say," Iris teased him as she inched the hand on his knee further up on his thigh.

He gasped at the lust he detected in Iris' eyes, and at the way she licked her lips before she asked:

"Want me to blow you? Or you can teach _me_ how to give you a good hand job..." 

Holy shit, yes to _both?_ But maybe another time. Really, right now he just wanted to repeat what they'd just done. Having her on top was so hot.

"I'd much rather you ride me again, actually," he managed to say with a seductive smile and a pass of his knuckles over her cheekbone.

She remained silent for a moment, tilting her head as if in thought before nodding with a smile. Then she sat up, the sheets falling off of her just as Barry's sympathetic nervous system fully took over.

With his senses sharpened, he actually heard Iris grab a condom with the hand he couldn't see because he was focused on the hand that was pulling on the elastic band of his underwear.

"Take them off, hm?" Iris suggested, her smile and gaze playful.

She surprised him when, after making him grit his teeth as she softly fisted him to full hardness and sheathed him with the condom, she straddled him...but with her back facing his front.

"Oh?" He reacted as he wrapped on hand around her middle, the other pushing her hair out of the way of her neck and right shoulder.

Meanwhile, Iris used one hand on his thigh for support, then the other to guide him to her pleasure center.

Oh, oh— _fuuuuck!_

She was so _tight_ in this position, yet she seemed to take him deeper? The friction was insane, he'd never—oh shit!

"I'm not going to last, Iris!" He warned her before putting his lips on the uncovered side of her neck to shut himself up. Barely.

With his hands now on Iris' waist and both of hers using his quads as leverage, the ride was steady but vigorous, and he couldn't help grunting and moaning into Iris' dewy skin, running his lips from her ear to her right upper arm depending on her alternating elevation.

"Yes, yes babe you're gonna last," Iris corrected him, "just breathe, okay? You're fine, I p—promise," she added before twisting slightly to the side to give him access to more of her skin.

He gently traced his teeth along the outline of her jaw then licked a faint trail of sweat on her neck, humming as she exhaled loudly at the sensation.

And yeah, now that he was breathing with control and getting used to her tight fit in that position, he didn't feel that desperate anymore.

"I might not come, Barry," she warned him between two whimpers after another minute of movement that was turning frantic. "And it's okay, this a tricky...ah! A tricky one, don't feel bad..."

"I can rub your clit?" Barry proposed softly before planting his lips against her pulse point, making her moan some more by bringing one hand up and twisting her right nipple.

He wasn't too happy with the prospect of being the only one to come, especially when he could already tell that this was going to be his most explosive orgasm to date.

(Most explosive orgasm with a partner. He'd had crazy orgasms on his own when he was younger, and now he could reminisce those moments without feeling too guilty because of course some of them had happened from jacking off right after hanging up from a phone or video call with Iris.)

"No, no, it's okay...Oh, babe!" She rejected his suggestion but then her whole body gave a little spasm, and her pussy did _this thing_...It pushed Barry very close to completion.

"Don't touch my clit," Iris forbade him all in one rushed breath, and she lifted her right hand and hooked it to the back of his neck, and moved her left one to grip the forearm he had around her.

"Oh Bear, I can't...Oh God!" She started babbling incoherently, losing the rhythm in her hips.

Barry let go of her breast so he could use both of his hands to move her up and down his shaft. He set a much faster pace than before but he had to, he felt so close already, he needed her to finish first—

"Iris!" He cried into her hair when it was actually her orgasm that kicked in first almost out of nowhere, and it dragged out _his_ orgasm, which felt so intense that it was almost painful. 

He was probably holding her too tightly, but she was shaking pretty badly and he didn't want to let her fall. Her right hand was still on his neck but the left one was muffling the whimpers escaping her lips. Even then she still sounded more wrecked than him.

Fuck, _fuck,_ her orgasm kept going after the negative flashes of lights blinding him started fading. Her pussy felt so incredibly _different_ from earlier. To him it almost felt like getting deep-throated.

(Becky was the only one who'd tried that on him. The first time had been mortifyingly good because he'd imagined Iris instead of his girlfriend behind his closed eyes. Not his proudest moment.)

Barry helped a still shivering Iris get off his lap, and she downright collapsed on the bed, humming weakly as her legs hung off the edge, her toes flexing.

Thankfully he was able to tie up the condom neatly this time, so he quickly dumped it in the bin located on the other side of the nightstand, and he wiped his hand with tissues before climbing back onto the bed in order to pull Iris further up onto the bed. He piled up the pillows to get the perfect elevation before gently placing her head and shoulders on top of the fluffy nest.

She was so pliant and relaxed now, wow. 

"That was...that was amazing," he felt the need to tell her as he not so gracefully dropped down on his side, his breath still a bit erratic just like hers.

He could feel sleepiness creeping up on him.

"Deep...vaginal...erogenous...zone...orgasm," she enunciated slowly between breaths.

That sounded technical. As in, _anatomically specific._

He definitely should read books on sex now, and ask Caitlin about that super detailed interactive app she used to study for her human anatomy class.

"Or deep vaginal orgasm for short," Iris added with a more even tone as she rolled from her front to her side too. "That was my first one and _holy_ , I've been missing out. I had given up on it, to be honest."

"Your first one?" Barry echoed, shocked.

Of course his first reaction was to metaphorically beat his chest King Kong style, but after reflection he felt a bit angry at Iris' exes for not giving her what she'd obviously wanted to experience for a while.

"Like I said, it's a tricky one," Iris explained as she shimmied her shoulder deeper into the pillows. "I figured that the position was best for me, but I wouldn't have tried it if I didn't trust you not to drop me, for one. And you'd already come once so I knew that you'd last long enough to get me there. Plus your penis is just right for me, you have that nice upward curve..."

He stared down at her speechless. 

"What? You wanted me to teach you, I'm teaching," she reminded him, sounding a bit defensive. "Books can only get you so far."

"No, yeah of course, that's great," he pacified her while rubbing his palm along her arm, then took a few deep breaths before gathering the courage to tell her.

"To be honest I've never read about sex," he confessed, biting his lips when Iris frowned then stared with wide eyes. "I have no idea how I helped you reach that g-spot orgasm. With my exes I just went with the flow and asked them what they liked. I relied on oral to make sure that they reached orgasms."

Iris blinked at him a few times, then shook her head, a smile creeping up her lips.

"Well, I shouldn't be surprised," she commented with a shrug. "Of course you wouldn't need books if you're a generous lover who prioritizes good communication. It's just rare to find those qualities in guys your age. Where did you come from, Barry Allen?"

He could only smile sheepishly, blushing. He'd really missed being praised by Iris. She made him feel so giddy with words that seemed overly flattering but were actually sincere.

She made him _so happy_.

"Well, since you won't be taking any of my classes at CCU—which I'm kinda bummed about, Bear," Iris admitted as she sat up and let out a long sigh. "I have many excellent students, sure, but none of them are _you_...So I'll content myself with this one on one advanced sex-ed course," she finished with an exaggerated wink.

They both laughed at her joke. God she was such a dork, Barry couldn't wait for her to meet the equally dorky Felicity in person—they'd already talked to each other a few times via video calls, and they'd seemed to like each other.

Maybe Barry and Iris could go to California over Christmas break? Felicity might stay in LA since her family went there for vacation anyways. The weather would be so much nicer there than in Central City, too.

 _Don't get ahead of yourself,_ he chided himself even as he sat up in turn and started dropping sweet kisses on Iris' back (he was kinda obsessed with her back) before he'd get too tired to.

"Wait, what are your plans for Thanksgiving break?" He asked after he let Iris push him back down on the pillows, and she started kissing his neck. "I can't believe that I, I—didn't ask you ahead of time! Definitely...ah! Should've known better."

At least he was her boyfriend now, so there would be no date plan to ruin this time.

It was still not quite sinking into Barry's thick skull that Iris West was _his_ _girlfriend_.

* * *

2.

"Hey, maybe if you come, Barry will come too?" Dante speculated as he took out his phone, and Iris got distracted from her reply by the way Cisco bumped into the driver's door.

"¿Estás bien?**" Both her and Dante asked him with concern.

"Uh-huh, I'm fine!" The younger Ramon brother reassured them before sliding behind the wheel. "Come on Dante, leave Barry be. He's probably FaceTiming his dad or his mom's family right now."

"Right, right," the pianist acknowledged and put his phone back in his pocket before squinting at Iris. "But _you_ have no excuse not to sample my turkey..."

"I'll get fat!" Iris joked. "Your brother already made me _tons of food_ for the weekend, and I know he's not even going to help me finish it since he has his college meal plan!"

That got them all three laughing, and after wishing them a happy Thanksgiving and making Cisco promise to text her when he was on his way back, Iris waved them goodbye.

Iris waited until she couldn't see Cisco's car anymore before going back inside. 

She felt her eyebrows raise when she heard music coming from her bedroom.

"What if Cisco had forgotten something and had come back for it? There was no music playing when we left." She teasingly questioned Barry as she walked into her room, rolling her eyes at his mischievous grin.

_**Whoops now** _   
_**Sorry I can't go** _   
_**Sorry I can't go** _   
_**Sorry I can't go now** _

_He's so silly,_ she thought with a shake of her head before climbing onto the bed.

"Cisco's way too meticulous to forget anything," he replied as she dropped next to him.

He was on her laptop but logged on his personal music streaming service account. 

"Hey, I'm going to FaceTime my dad in half an hour, want to say hello? He asked about you," he offered way too casually.

"You want me to talk to Henry?" She asked, her heartbeat picking up. "Barry, that's not a good idea."

"Why do you say that?" He asked back with a frown.

Iris groaned softly behind her hands.

He hadn't lied last night: he really _didn't_ realize how taboo their relationship was.

"My dad knows how I feel about you," Barry informed her, as if that made anything better. "He's always known, Iris."

 _That_ had her looking up and frowning and him.

"What do you mean by 'always'? After the cancelled Vegas trip, you mean?" She questioned.

He blinked at her, as if she was some slow student taking forever to figure out the answer to a simple question.

"I mean always," he answered evenly. "I guess he and mom first asked me about how I felt about you after our fake marriage with Mr. Dinosaur?"

"Oh, you mean when you had the cutest crush on me," she realized, feeling ridiculous for freaking out for a second, but Barry's brief blank expression made her panic anew.

"Well, last summer dad figured out that I was partly coming back here to get a chance to be with you," Barry informed her as he switched to a Jazz music station after the peppy track of Janet Jackson's 'Whoops Now' ended. "I was so relieved that I didn't have to explain why I wasn't staying in Boston with him to go to MIT."

Iris didn't dare offend Barry by congratulating him on his acceptance because _of course_ he would've been accepted to any college he'd applied to.

CCU was a very good university too, mostly thanks to its affiliation with internationally renowned biotech corporations like Mercury Labs, Stagg Industries or S.T.A.R. Labs. But it was no Ivy League. It must have been disappointing for Harvard-educated Dr. Henry Allen to see his son choose a less prestigious school.

All that for a girl whom Henry had entrusted with Barry's care and academic education? Oh God, he must hate her!

"Dad was ecstatic that I chose my own path since he was worried that I'd just go along with everything my uncle would pressure me to do in Star City," Barry explained as he put the laptop on her bedside table before scooting up to sit against the headboard. "Then he felt bad for selling the house. Until I let him know that I had a full scholarship he thought that I was going to live with you."

"Wait, what? Why would you be living with me?" Iris questioned. "We weren't even on speaking terms in the summer!"

"That's what I told him," he recalled with a chuckle. "I can't believe that _he_ believed we'd already reconnected right after my eighteenth birthday. He said that he'd noticed a change in me, and yes there had been a change. But it was from hearing about you from Dante, not from directly speaking with you."

Iris shifted closer to Barry, feeling a bit shell-shocked.

"Barry, are you telling me that Henry is okay with you and me dating?" She inquired. "He knows about us right now, and he doesn't mind?"

"Yeah?" He answered before quickly adding: "I mean, he was furious about the Vegas trip because I was underage and bought the tickets illegally. He and uncle Donald actually expected your parents to immediately forbid me to see you again. Neither was surprised when it eventually happened the following year."

Iris stared at his Adam apple as he tilted his head back on the headboard.

"I...I was so stupid, really," he stated with a snort, "thinking that just because Joe and Francine liked me, they would be okay with me marrying you when I was old enough. I guess I was scared that you'd eventually forget me if I didn't drop you subtle hints that I wanted to be with you? I don't even know how I'll apologize to your parents when I see them next. I must have given them a heart attack."

He frowned a bit, then let his head hang to the side to look her in the eye.

"Dad claims that they owe me an apology too," he let her know hesitantly. "That they owe us _both_ an apology? I don't get why."

Iris felt her jaw drop.

"I think that I'd like to speak to Henry after all," she decided with a firm nod.

Something was weird. She had to be missing a piece of information, because it made no sense for Henry to be so nonchalant about his son dating an older woman. And she got the part about her parents owing her and Barry an apology. She had this deeply hidden resentment for her parents that she'd ignored for the past four years. But she couldn't really blame them since she'd been the one to voluntarily end her friendship with Barry. She could've ignored their recommendation to never see him again.

If they saw her now...

"Oh hey, speaking of dad, he's the reason why I switched to contact lenses," Barry said as he made a circle over his face with his fingers. "All the Thompsons wear glasses. I got a bit sick of being thought as my uncle's eldest son."

"Eldest?" Iris repeated.

"Wait, I didn't even tell you!" Barry exclaimed as he grabbed his phone. "I have a cousin now, Christopher! He's two years old now!" He shared the news, a wide smile spreading on his lips.

 _ **Lips that would better serve you by licking your pussy,**_ the voice in Iris' head pointed out.

 _Why didn't you say anything last night,_ Iris asked exasperated.

 _ **Two orgasms in round one, then the best orgasm of your life in round two? There was nothing to say,** _the little devil commented playfully. _**But I think he can top it off by reenacting the dream. His soft beard would feel so good...**_

"Yeah," Iris agreed dreamily, belatedly realizing that she'd say it out loud.

"Right?" Barry's cheerful tone brought her attention back to his phone screen. "And he's got Carla's dark hair so we do look alike!"

Ooh! Little Christopher indeed looked very much like baby Barry. Nora had proudly shown Iris all the pictures of her son's first five years.

 _Maybe Henry isn't angry at me because he's a man,_ Iris reflected _. Nora would've killed me for defiling her baby boy!_

 _ **What** **defiling?**_ The little devil challenged. _**You didn't take his first kiss, nor his virginity.**_ _ **And are you purposefully forgetting how happy-go-lucky Mr. and Mrs. Allen were about their son? As long as he was safe, well-fed and happy they considered themselves the luckiest parents on earth.**_

That was quite true. Iris had been shocked to learn that Nora was from a wealthy family because the lady could've passed for some classy kind of tree hugger, no offense. She had been the environmentally-conscious assistant director of the Central City Orchestra Hall, which always earned recognition for their carbon footprint that was significantly lower to other entertainment centers. Even Henry, who had the demanding and prestigious job of a heart surgeon, had always looked much more carefree than any adult Iris had known. _Back then._

After Nora's death, wrinkles had accumulated quite fast on Dr. Allen's jovial face.

Iris hadn't known much if anything about mental health until her parents had sat her down to discuss Henry's depression.

*

" _He's unlikely to keep the custody of Barry because of it, Iris. Especially with Barry getting bullied at school. Nora's brother will probably claim him."_

_"But there are treatments, right? Henry's a doctor himself, he must know what to do! Not just for himself, but for Barry too!"_

_"Depression isn't yet well-understood, sweetheart, and medication can only help so much. The cause of Henry's illness is the loss of his wife: his best friend, his lover and the mother of his child. That loss will never go away. He might never recover from it. He will hopefully be able to manage it overtime, but not anytime soon. He's doing better than expected, very likely because he's indeed trying to be strong for Barry. But the fact that he's working even more than before is a sure indication that his grief is getting in the way of his parenting."_

_"If Henry wants the best for Barry, he'll let Nora's brother take the boy. What? I'm sorry baby girl, but this is the sad truth. Henry is unfit to be a single parent. I disagree with your mother, he's not doing better than expected: he's getting by thanks to your help, and that won't last forever. I know that you care a lot about Barry, but it's better that way. You're getting too busy with college to spend time with him anyway."_

*

That had been weeks before Iris had made a scene at Barry's school, and now she wondered if Henry had been so grateful to her because she'd accidentally earned him more time with Barry: when Donald Thompson had next called Barry's school, the principal had assured him that Barry wasn't getting bullied anymore thanks to the intervention of his diligent tutor, a trustworthy student-teacher going to the best school in the state.

What hadn't been accidental, though, was Iris taking less classes during the school year so she could have more time watching over her younger friend. She'd claimed that her Spanish minor was more challenging than she'd thought, and only Linda had seen through her lie.

Graduating as a super senior had been worth the three additional years Barry got to spend with his dad. At least Barry had gone through the worst of puberty in Central City. It would've been so hard for him to feel awkward, ugly and unsure of everything while in a new city, surrounding by his sparkly rich family members with no relative his age to relate to. 

And Iris had made sure to stay present in his life through phone and video calls as well as social media. She'd been so relieved, happy and proud to see Barry adjust so well to the major life changes he'd been forced into.

Then, the following year, she'd completely shut him off.

Eight years of emotional support, then she'd vanished from his life, had indeed only given him a ten minute warning before depriving him of her care. The care Henry claimed had helped Barry go through his grief for his mother much more smoothly than most kids his age would. Iris had left Barry alone with friends like _Oliver Queen_ when he'd had to deal with being separated from his dad.

And then she'd had the gall to feel like _the victim_ of the story. She'd been a balanced adult, but he'd been an uprooted teenager dealing with a new rhythm of life in a new city among his pompous family. 

_**Oh, come now, you apologized,**_ the little devil reminded her. _ **And now you're giving him everything he's ever wanted from you. Well, actually, I'm sure that he'd want to eat you out too—**_

"Iris?" Barry called out as he looked up from another picture of his cousin.

"What's wrong?" He asked as his forehead creased with concern.

Iris watched in awe at the love and worry in his pretty green eyes.

How big was this boy's heart, to forgive her so easily? She still couldn't forgive _herself!_

"Iris, what—oh, hey?" Barry stuttered, confused by the way she suddenly hugged him, burying her face in his neck. She managed to keep her tears at bay.

The angle of their embrace was a bit awkward so Iris shuffled on her knees to hover above him, and this time she hugged his head to her collarbones, propping her chin on top of his head.

"You're okay?" He whispered against the collar of her dress, still sounding worried.

She hummed, not trusting her voice with real words at the moment.

"Okay," he acknowledged before lifting his head to kiss her jaw, then her neck, then the peak of her collarbone.

Oh, _oh,_ they shouldn't...

"Barry, you said that you were going to call your dad," she reminded him as her breathing became uneven.

 ** _Quiet!_** The little voice ordered. _**Let him make you feel better. Someone should change the music, too. Play 'Sexual Healing' or something.**_

Oh, but Iris was just fine with the track that had just started playing. It was a very sensual Jazz piece#—God, Barry had great musical taste on top of everything. A woman couldn't ask for a better boyfriend, really. She almost felt bad for his exes. _Almost._

"Barry," she exhaled shakily, a shiver licking up her spine from the way he smoothly slid his hands down her back then grabbed her ass to rock her against the thigh he'd elevated to fit between her legs.

Since she was wearing a dress, only her cotton panties were serving as a barrier between her pussy and the rough fabric of his jeans. The friction was amazing. 

"We don't have time for— _babe!_ " She tried to curb his eagerness even though she was already soaking her underwear.

"I'll be quick," he promised in her ear as one of his large hands slipped under her dress and started toying with her clit through the thin cotton barrier.

"What—" Iris gasped in a daze, horny and confused when his body vanished from her arms out of the blue, which forced her to lean into the headboard.

She frowned, her brain taking long seconds to process what was going on, but she instinctively shuffled around on her knees to avoid colliding with Barry as he slipped down the bed...to lay flat on his back right underneath her. 

" _Oh my God,_ " she moaned, holding onto the headboard for dear life when the hand still on her butt cheek moved up to grip her hip. Then the thumb of the hand under her dress pushed her panties to the side.

Iris didn't focus on the feel of his beard at first because his tongue and fingers mostly stole the show. She used all her energy and self-control to stay upright and keep breathing as best as she could while Barry played her like the skilled saxophonist of the Jazz piece that her brain was somehow still registering while processing all the sensations of the best oral she'd ever received.

Iris wasn't an ungrateful ex, Carter had been amazing too, he'd given her good head every single time. But he'd been clean-shaven, and in hindsight he'd performed cunnilingus a bit too clinically, too neatly. Barry was almost sloppy, but in the best way: he knew that his facial hair was an asset and occasionally twisted his chin against the sensitive skin of her pussy and inner thighs. And his fingertips, _holy shit!_ It was as if the former choir boy was mimicking a conductor: he switched from firmly tracing up and down her slit, to lightly circling her clitoral hood, to drumming two fingers all over her inner lips. And fuck, _of course_ he'd done some research about the g-spot in the few hours they'd been apart, because when he unhooked his thumb from her panties and instead used...his teeth? to keep them out of the way, he then teased her entrance before smoothly pumping a long finger inside her, purposefully sliding his digit along the front wall of her vagina. 

Iris felt the warning sensation that was not actually an urge to pee, but the sure tell that her boyfriend had found one of her orgasm triggers. Her silly pride for his success lasted only for a blink of an eye because she then had to brace for undignified noises, toes curling in her socks, that hot and weird pressure swooping in her low belly, sweat misting her skin through all her pores, and a frustrating loss of her fine motor skills. Thank goodness for the headboard of her bed, otherwise she would've collapsed on Barry's face right there.

Smart kid as he was, he quickly slipped out of the way, but not before lapping up her juices, which made her release another embarrassing moan.

He actually went back to sitting against the headboard, next to her this time, and she turned her head towards him just in time to see him suck on his fingers ( _fuck_ ) then wipe them against his jeans while he dipped his lower face inside his sweater and rubbed his beard dry (oh, babe...). Then he slipped his hands under her arms to sit her across his lap.

(Ugh, she'd sweated the most in her armpits, but he didn't react to the damp flannel.)

Just as she recovered all her faculties, Iris noticed that another track had started playing. She eyed her alarm clock, and sighed in relief that they'd only lost ten minutes at most.

 _ **Lost? You mean 'invested'. That was the best quickie of your life!**_ The little devil argued.

 _Please let me enjoy my post-coital bliss in peace,_ Iris pleaded. _You promised to leave after Barry gave me oral._

_**I said I'd leave after the wet dream came true, but alright, good enough. T' was fun hanging out...** _

_Don't sound like you're actually leaving forever,_ Iris drawled. _You're just part of my psyche. See you at my next scandalous act._

 _ **Looking forward to it!**_ The little voice quipped before going quiet.

"Sorry," Barry whispered after a moment of cozy silence, and Iris lightly slapped his shoulder with his back of her hand. 

"Who even apologizes for giving the best oral ever?" she asked incredulously.

Barry frowned, and she felt the fingers around her waist twitch.

"Come on, Iris, that couldn't be _the best_ ," he denied with a roll of his eye. "You don't need to flatter me. Knowing that you liked it and that you came is enough for my ego.

"Oh Bear," Iris reacted with a little laugh as she kissed his cheek then slid off his lap before getting out of the bed. "Have I ever flattered you in my life?"

"Iris," he said, and as she checked her appearance in the mirror of her vanity she saw him looking comically shocked in the reflection, but then he got serious again.

"I was apologizing because I took advantage of your vulnerable state to coerce you into sex," he claimed a bit too mechanically to actually understand what he was saying.

"I appreciate you watching out for my agency Barry, that's very mature of you," she complimented him before re-applying her lip balm.

"But that's not quite what the book you read meant," she let him know as she grabbed a new pair of panties to wear. "You coercing me into sex would mean that I didn't want the sex but thought that I didn't have the freedom to say no. I very much wanted the sex, my only objection to it was that it would make you miss the agreed time to call your dad."

He nodded in understanding as he moved to sit at the edge of the bed. Only then did Iris realize that he wasn't sporting a boner or anything, even though he'd seemed very much into eating her out.

 _Wow,_ his body control was unreal for his age. That very short refractory period the night before must have been a fluke, he'd seemed taken by surprise himself.

He'd probably been turned on beyond control, just like Iris had been since even before their date. Seeing Barry with nothing on but a towel around his hips had almost given her a heart attack. He was so fucking sexy it was illegal (thank goodness she could make that kind of joke). Then he'd begged her (or rather had _commanded her_ ) to teach him how to pleasure her, which had been just fine for her because she'd perfected a pseudo dom persona over the years.

It had taken many years for Iris to realize that she was actually more of a sub. She'd first attributed her eagerness to follow instructions in bed to her inexperience, because she normally was an assertive person. But once she'd understood what she was, she'd fully rebelled against her nature. That meant that her sex life had never been more than decent. She could never be wowed because she didn't actually let her partner satisfy her deep needs, but she'd accepted the trade off. Having control of her body was that important to her, especially when she didn't feel a strong emotional connection to her boyfriends.

Melvin the bestseller was clearly an experienced dom because he'd made her crack with his patience and incredible self-control in the heat of the moment. Her post-coital bliss had been so insanely satisfying that she'd quickly fallen asleep at the writer's hotel room, something she'd never done before with her hook-ups. Had Iris been in the right mindset last year, she might have very well accepted to date Melvin because not only were they sexually compatible, but they'd also hit it off intellectually in the few hours they'd shared. None of Iris' exes had come close to matching her like that.

As for Barry? Barry was clearly a dom in the making: he had a manipulative trait, an overall stoicism in the face of adversity, and a rare controlled assertiveness for one so young—which had always been part of his personality, but since coming back from Star City he exuded an authoritative charisma.

Barry might seem submissive with his eagerness to be physically under her during sex, but in all of their sexual interactions so far he'd ended up _controlling_ her pleasure, or at least the pace at which she took it. And their first kiss had been even more telling: he'd used his superior physical strength to place Iris exactly where he'd wanted her, had completely controlled the turns of their conversation, and when she'd taken too long to react to his silent request to kiss her, he'd verbalized it.

Iris was taking in all the signs and trying not to freak out. She couldn't tell if Barry himself realized what he was doing, but his apology for _leading_ her to having oral sex indicated that he was only a few books away from figuring out what his sexual personality was.

He would be a great sex partner for the majority of women, to be honest: he talked during sex; he made a distinction between giving an orgasm and having his partner _enjoy_ the sex, which was admirably astute for someone his age; he was tactile, but not too cuddly.

Most importantly for Iris, she could _trust him_ with her heart and her body. Whether she just liked him or she was 'in too deep' as Linda had claimed, she knew that she could let go of her fake persona, that she didn't always have to impress Barry with her experience.

Whether she _would_ show him her true self was the uncertain part. She knew that honesty was the best policy (she'd told him that many times when she was his babysitter, echoing his parents' words) but it was difficult to fully lower her guard.

* * *

3.

"Hey slugger, would you mind giving me and Iris a minute or two?" Barry's dad asked across the screen after the three of them laughed at a happy common memory.

Barry felt himself tense even though he'd expected something like that to happen. His dad had often told him that, back when Iris was his babysitter then tutor. Neither his dad nor Iris would let him know what they talked about without him, justifying their secrecy with the magical excuse "it was a grownup conversation, slugger/bear".

"Iris' my girlfriend now," he blurted out like an idiot, because he knew that him being eighteen hadn't changed the fact that Iris and his father would always be older than him. But surely he had more confidentiality rights as Iris' partner, didn't he?

Thankfully his dad only raised his eyebrows, still looking at him expectantly, while Iris failed to hide a fond smile behind her knuckles.

"I'll heat up dinner?" He offered when he looked away from his tablet's screen, and Iris replied "sure" with a nod.

Turned out, it was very easy to hear conversations from the living room in the kitchen. Barry was sure that Hartley could tell him exactly why.

They'd actually had a civilized conversation on Monday morning, when he and Cisco had taken the same way to the cafeteria as their T.A. right after physics class. Hartley had informed them that he was an acoustic engineering major, which was really cool. He'd also told them about an opportunity to land an internship at S.T.A.R. Labs during the summer, which might get extended if they got involved in a long-term project. Barry had been grateful for the info, because he'd been slacking off looking for internship opportunities.

"...I don't see why I'd be opposed to it, he's an adult now," his dad's voice brought him out of his musings just as he preheated the oven.

"Barry said that you've always known about his feelings, though," Iris brought up, sounding insistent. "You couldn't have been okay with that when he was still a minor!"

Was he paranoid, or did she sound like she _wanted_ his dad to oppose their relationship?

"Barry told us that he wanted to marry you for real one day, like I'd married his mother," his dad recounted conversationally. "Nora and I married in our late twenties, so I didn't expect Barry to rush and ask you out. I'd thought that your paths would diverge after a year or two, and that he'd want a serious relationship with you if his crush turned into genuine feelings when you eventually reunited as adults."

There was a brief silence, and Barry made sure to move around the kitchen in order not to raise suspicions. He wiped clean the already shiny surface of the kitchen island where he'd shared his first kiss with Iris.

"But our paths _didn't_ diverge after a year or two," Iris pointed out somberly. "You entrusted me to take care of your _only child_ when...you counted on me, Henry, and I feel like I let you down. Then and now."

Huh? What did she mean by 'then'?

"Iris, it's the opposite," Barry's dad reassured her. "You took the greatest care of Barry, and you were there to pick up _my slack._ I'm certain that Barry would've resented me if I'd shipped him to Star City three years earlier. I know that Donald personally called you to thank you not just for watching over Barry, but for helping him stay the happy boy Nora raised him to be. The way _I_ had similarly thanked you several times before."

Wait, what?

"The happy boy _you_ and Nora raised him to be, Henry," Iris rightfully corrected his dad. "He stayed happy because he still had you."

Barry was confused. _Both_ Iris and his dad had helped him deal with losing his mom! Why couldn't they just agree on being a great team?

"I wish that were true, Iris, truly," his dad stated wistfully. "But when I abandoned him, when I permanently left Central City and drowned my grief by immersing myself back into academia, he was just fine."

Barry almost tripped over the stool Iris used to reach high shelves when the word 'abandoned' registered in his brain.

What the fuck?

"Whereas when _you_ abandoned him, he lost his smile _for four years_ , Iris," Henry said, his tone soft but his words accusatory. "Donald didn't make him see a counselor when you ended your friendship, and I didn't feel that I had the right to force him to do it even though I knew he needed it. But _that's_ when you let me down, Iris. When you took my only child's smile. When you took away my son's best friend and role model. When, instead of seeing Nora and the best of me in him, I started seeing his uncle and the grandfather he never knew...And a bit of Oliver Queen." 

Thank fuck for Oliver, because without his training Barry would've broken something or burned his hands putting the deep dish in the hot oven without gloves on while his mind whirled crazily.

Yes, he had been depressed about losing Iris' friendship and his chance to be with her, and he'd definitely resented her for that, but...He'd resented her parents and _the law_ more. After his eighteenth birthday, when he'd had to fill up more legal forms than he'd had in his previous seventeen years, when both his dad and uncle Donald and even Carla and grandma Elena had sat him down and explained quite bluntly that messing up would have dire consequences from then forward...After all _that_ , he'd understood Joe and Francine's point of view.

"I'm so sorry," Iris half-sobbed, her voice sounding so small and sorrowful that Barry almost walked back into the living room to take her in his arms and make her feel better, somehow.

 _Oral helped earlier,_ he noted as he absentmindedly wiped the kitchen island again. _But I guess that she needed to talk about it more. I forgot that her and dad could actually have meaningful conversations together._

"I know that you're sorry, Iris, and of course I've forgiven you already," his dad said, and Barry felt himself let go of a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"Though it is my understanding that I forgave you ahead of time?" Henry asked, and his son heard the accusatory tone this time. "May I know why? Was I too optimistic to believe that you'd try to make amends as soon as Barry lost the potential to be the legal hazard Joe and Francine swore _my boy_ would be to you?"

Iris' silence was deafening, and Barry held his breath yet again even as he rearranged the plate he'd taken out to make some noise.

"I...I didn't think that I deserved his friendship in the first place," she confessed. "You'd counted on me, Henry, and I led him astray—"

"How so, Iris?" Barry's dad challenged even before Barry himself quietly sighed in frustration. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but my understanding is that the expression means to _cause_ someone to act wrongly. You never did."

"Act _or think_ wrongly," Iris added after sniffing twice.

Barry grabbed a glass and filled it with water, but left it on the island.

"I know now that I didn't make Barry..." Iris started, paused, then sigh loudly. "And there's nothing wrong with falling in love, _I know that too,_ but I didn't discourage him—"

"And _how_ would you have discouraged him from experiencing his feelings?" the doctor asked lightly.

Was Barry imagining it or did his father sound _amused?_ Nothing in their 'minute or two' conversation was funny!

"May I ask you a question and demand the absolute truth from you, Iris?" his dad requested gently yet firmly, with his parental tone.

"Of course," Iris agreed right away.

"Would you have ended your friendship with Barry if your parents hadn't asked you to?" The doctor questioned. 

"No, _never,_ " was the teacher's immediate answer.

Barry gasped quietly. He hadn't expected her to answer so quickly. He knew that she meant what she'd just said.

Her answer couldn't change the past, of course, but it was enough for Barry to be once again reassured that she'd gone against her own heart by ending their friendship back then.

"I don't know how I would've handled his feelings for me," Iris admitted less firmly. "More likely than not, I would've pretended not to know. Barry hadn't meant to make me uncomfortable or to get me in trouble, so there was nothing for me to worry about. He'd always been a good kid, he'd always tried to be a good friend. _I knew that_. It was unfair for me to think that he'd do anything to hurt me. Barry begged me to believe him that he wouldn't, begged me to _trust him,_ but I _didn't._ I'm really disappointed in myself for that, and to be honest I still feel terribly guilty for abandoning Barry when he was going through a transitional period of his life. But, on this Thanksgiving night, I'm grateful for Barry's forgiveness, and yours."

"And on this Thanksgiving night, I am grateful to see you both so happy again, Iris," Barry's dad replied. "You know, it's very hard to tell that four years have passed since we last spoke. You haven't changed one bit."

 _She got more beautiful!_ Barry silently corrected his father.

"I'll take that as a compliment from you," Iris declared with mock solemnity before chuckling. "No, really, it does get annoying. It's all my parent's fault, really—I mean! They passed me their slow-aging genes..."

"I do blame your parents for Barry's misery and your own," Dr. Allen deadpanned. "While I haven't had any contact with you for the past four years, I've had the occasional phone call with Joe, my last one dating from last January. He's unmovable in his belief that the situation was handled the best way it could've been. But as you've admitted yourself, that is not true. Your parents owe you and Barry apologies, Iris."

 _You think that because I'm_ your _son,_ Barry argued against his dad in his head.

He ostentatiously made noise as he took out vegetables and leafy greens for the salad, washed them and started chopping them hard. He wanted this conversation _over._

Hearing his father burst into laughter wasn't what he'd expected.

"What's funny?" Iris asked.

"Whenever either of us would be on a phone call for too long around dinner time, Nora and I would wordlessly remind each other that it was time to hang up by being very loud in the kitchen," he informed Iris. "Barry obviously picked up on that. Could you call him over so I can say goodbye, Iris? It was very nice speaking to you again. I'd like to keep in touch, if you don't mind."

"I'd like that too, Henry," Iris replied calmly before speaker louder. "Hey, Barry!"

"Coming!" He replied at a matching volume, and he washed and dried his hands and took the glass of water, the only thing on the kitchen island he'd wiped twice, before returning to the living room.

After a minute of heartfelt Thanksgiving wishes and goodbyes as well as love you's between the two Allens, they ended the phone call.

"Thanks, Barry," Iris said when he handed her the glass of water. 

She was halfway through emptying it when she choked on the liquid.

"Careful! Are you okay?" Barry reacted, mildly worried even though she immediately waved dismissively.

"You could hear everything from the kitchen," she said as she hid her eyes behind a hand. "How did I forget that the acoustic of this place is weird?"

"I'm glad that I heard everything," Barry stated firmly as he took her free hand. "And I'm glad, _grateful,_ that you know that I've completely forgiven you for ending our friendship. But Iris, what was that about my dad saying that he abandoned me? About me resenting him if he'd shipped me three years earlier?"

Iris emerged from behind her hand, her gaze somber. But she didn't give him an answer.

"I think that you should talk to your dad about it first, privately," she recommended instead. "Then I'll give you my perspective. Does that work for you?"

"Yes, sure," he acknowledged. "Thank you Iris."

"No, thank _you,"_ she countered with a smile, "for helping me put a dent on Cisco's feast! Let's eat, yeah?"

He chuckled at her enthusiasm, which when they reached the kitchen turned into surprise because he propped her on the kitchen island and started kissing her breathless. She didn't object to him taking off her new pair of panties, though. She actually took off her dress and removed her bra next, and holy fuck. He'd seen her naked the night before, but the sight still temporarily short-circuited his brain. Well, technically she wasn't naked, she still had her knee-high socks on. They were somehow adding to her allure when she lay down on the hard kitchen surface, biting her lips and looking at him with hooded eyes.

It sounded so perverted, but she really was the most delicious feast he could've asked for on Thanksgiving. 

He blinked when she took his hands away from her inner thighs and placed them on her tits—some day he really needed to test out if she was one of the few women who could come just from breast play.

"Could...could you make me come with just your mouth?" She asked, and her bashfulness made his dick twitch.

An irrational part of him wanted to tell her 'no', wanted to do things his way because he was sure that he could make her sing in pleasure without getting any instruction from her.

But he ignored that urge and nodded, dragged the stool under him, and knelt on it to fit between her legs. As he settled her thighs over his shoulders, he realized that he'd have to quirk his head around quite a bit to find a good angle, but the subsequent neck pain would be so worth it.

* * *

4.

She was supposed to grade papers. Finals week had started, and if she didn't get done with her current stack before the thicker ones from her other classes started accumulating at her door basket, she'd run behind deadlines for the first time as a teacher.

She couldn't even be productive in her office. That's how shaken she was by her first fight with Barry two days ago .

*

_"Yes we're both busy, but if we spent time together on campus—"_

_"We can't do that until we submit the forms, Barry!"_

_"Then let's submit the damn forms! What, do you still think that my feelings for you are just a crush?"_

_"..."_

_"Answer me!"_

_"Don't you raise your voice at me, Bartholomew! Barry!"_

_"For your information, glaring at me and calling me Bartholomew stopped working when I was eleven."_

_"What? Then, all this time you just—"_

_"Let you control the conversation? Yes, because I knew that you were right to reprimand me, then. But I don't think that it's fair for you to keep pushing this off! I love you! How am I supposed to be a good boyfriend if you treat me like some dirty secret?"_

_"You're not a dirty secret, Bear...Okay, we can submit the forms after finals week—"_

_"Tomorrow, Iris!"_

_"Fine, tomorrow, but we're still not seeing each other on campus!"_

_"How will we see each other if not at school? This is only the second time we've seen each other in person since Thanksgiving break! I'm barely keeping up with my school and work schedule right now, I can't visit you here all the time_ _! My first final exams are in two days, every minute feels precious!"_

_"That's college, Barry, it's normal! You should be focusing on school, not on romance..."_

_"Cisco gets to have both! You helped him land Cynthia Reynolds, just like you helped Dante propose. Why are you helping other people's romances but you're sabotaging your own?"_

_"I'm not 'sabotaging' anything. I'm just as busy as you, Barry, that's all_ _! I've got to prepare for my classes next semester on top of everything I have to do before this semester ends! If we were to meet on campus I'd waste no less than half an hour just going to the cafeteria or whichever spot you'd like to meet..."_

_"I can visit you at your office, you don't have to—"_

_"Absolutely not! My office is off-limits!"_

_"Why? It's the only place where we could have some privacy..."_

_"Don't get ideas!"_

_"What? It would be a good way to de-stress! Iris, we haven't had sex since Black Friday..."_

_"It's only been two weeks Barry, come on. And sex would just take away the precious hours of study and sleep that you need!"_

_"What would be the fucking point of submitting the forms, then? You know what, forget it. You told me not to waste my time coming over here, serves me right for being stubborn and optimistic. Hold on! I don't know if he invited you already, but tomorrow's Cisco's birthday and we're celebrating at Jitters, he wondered if you'd like to come stuff yourself with cronuts? Dante will be there too, oh and Professor Stein is a Jitters regular so he might show up too. It won't be just us students..."_

_"I can't go to Jitters because I've been ghosting the girls for the sing-a-ton fundraiser...You guys have fun."_

_"So we can't even hang out as friends? I miss you, Iris!"_

_"I miss you too! The semester will be over soon! There will be Christmas break."_

_"The Christmas break you refused to spend with me in L.A.? I'm not delusional enough to hope for an invitation to the Wests' Christmas dinner. Do they even know that we're together? No, actually don't answer that, I'd rather live in blissful ignorance. Shit, I need to go back. Goodnight Iris."_

_"Don't I get a kiss or a even a hug?"_

_"Unfair, right?"_

_"Barry! Barry, wait..."_

_*_

A sudden flash of light outside her window made Iris frown at the suddenly dark sky.

Central City and its weird weather: after record cold temperatures during Thanksgiving week, they were now experiencing a warm second week of December.

Somehow the noise of the thunderstorm helped Iris with her grading. She took a short break halfway through to text wishes of caution to her parents and friends. She didn't text Barry, though. Thinking about him made her feel guilty and frustrated and angry...

Thunder boomed just as someone knocked at Iris' open door.

"Yes, come on in..." she immediately invited without looking, tidying her desk and grabbing a notepad and pen—some students just stared and nodded at her as she answered their questions, then later sent her emails to ask the same questions. So she made them all take notes and she took a look at them before letting the students go.

Talk about not holding their hands. Allegra and Esperanza had graduated before Iris started teaching, with honors of course. Journalism and Physical Therapy had been their respective majors.

"Are you sure?" The male student asked. "You did say that your office was off-limits."

"Barry?" She whispered before even looking up. 

Oh wow, he looked...Good. Very smart, as in _handsome_ : charcoal dress shirt, black slacks and black derby shoes. He had his blazer draped over the crook of his elbow, and was holding a large umbrella to the side so that it didn't drip right on people's path. The umbrella explained why only the cuffs of his pants were wet. Had he gelled his hair? It looked much more tame than usual.

Why did he look so formal? Oh, end of the semester...

"Hi," she greeted with what she hoped was a welcoming smile. "How did the symposium go?" She inquired as she extended her hand to renew his invitation to come in.

Had he expected her to show up at his presentation? He hadn't told her the date and time, though, she couldn't have known!

"It was exhausting," he confessed with a quiet huff as he took a step inside then quickly brought the umbrella around to prop it behind her file cabinet. "Repeating the same things over and over again...But it was great to see my classmates and upperclassmen's projects too. Is any of your classes presenting at a symposium?" He asked as he pushed the door almost closed, leaving it ajar.

In office hours etiquette, that meant that there was an important meeting happening but the professor could be disturbed for a few minutes. Interesting. Iris had expected him to go full-on possessive and completely close the door.

"Only my creative writing class next Monday, thank goodness," she informed him as she sat back down after smoothing down her skirt.

"I might be able to attend that one," Barry announced with an expectant smile as he took one of the seats across from her, casually laying down the blazer over the armrest of the other chair.

Iris felt her gaze wandering over her desk, looking for anywhere but at him. Yes, she was used to people dressing formally, especially people from her department, but...If Barry had been clean-shaven, one would think that he'd stepped off a runway, his clothes looked _that_ expensive. He'd looked great on their date the Wednesday before Thanksgiving too, but in a posh hotel like Riverside Plaza he hadn't stood out, whereas Iris could only imagine how stunned his classmates and peers must have been standing next to him. This elegant sexiness of his was unfair.

"I received an email from H.R.," Barry let her know when he looked away from her bookshelf to gaze at her. "You actually submitted your forms."

"You told me to do it, I did it," Iris reminded him with a shrug that failed to mask her tension.

He had told her, not _asked_ her to submit the forms, and she'd agreed to it easy as pie. Barry had probably been too upset during their fight to notice that it was out of character for her, but with hindsight...

"I just came back from H.R., I submitted my forms too," he informed her calmly, his eyes studying her face.

"You filled the forms in person?" Iris asked, incredulous.

"They have a small computer lab, I didn't waste paper or anything," he reassured her.

That wasn't her point. Her point was that someone had seen his face and had known that he was a student dating a teacher. No doubt the whole department was gossiping about him, about _them,_ right this moment.

Iris knew that she shouldn't care, but...

"I came to apologize," Barry admitted with a sigh after a short silence. "I was being inconsiderate the other night. Of course you're busier than me, you have to read and grade no less than a _hundred_ papers, I bet," he added with a gesture at the stack on the desk.

"It's okay, Bear," Iris replied with a little shake of her head, looking down at her hands on her lap, which he couldn't see. "I'm the one who should apologize. You waited years to be with me and now that you are I'm not making it worth your while—"

"Iris," he chided her, and his tone wasn't angry, it was confused. "I know that we were apart for four years so it would be unrealistic to expect you to be the same, but...Where is this insecure part of you coming from? You're smart, strong, and dropdead gorgeous. I've seen you turn heads since I was four feet tall. Many people would do crazy stuff to have the opportunity to be your lover, you must know that! Why would _I of all people_ regret becoming your boyfriend?"

"I told you before, right? That being your friend and being your girlfriend was different," she reminded him with a humorless laugh. "Insecurity is a normal emotion to experience in romantic relationships. I'd call you a liar if you claimed that you don't have your own doubts about us."

He frowned, scowled then petulantly crossed his arms, and Iris had to clear her throat to mask a giggle.The childishness made him look eighteen, at least. He'd been looking as old as her until then.

"I don't like it," he declared after huffing his exasperation. "But I _am_ grateful that you're giving me a chance, Iris. It was so stupid of me to compare myself to Cisco. He and Cynthia are both students who are involved in the same club and live in the same dorm. Of course they get to see each other all the time. I didn't expect things to be perfect between us in the first place...I guess you spoiled me over Thanksgiving break and I thought that it would be the standard for us."

" _I_ spoiled _you?_ " Iris reiterated skeptically.

She remembered that Cisco had been busy all morning of Black Friday with some live online game tournament. His crush Cynthia had also been participating in the event, so Iris had given him hints on how to endear himself to her. Then she'd told him that she would spend the day shopping.

She _had_ gone to the mall, _with Barry_ , to get a fancy dress to wear at a classical symphony concert Dante had told Barry about. The music professor had emailed all his students a link to a CCU student discount. The clerk had applied the discount to Iris as well actually, something they hadn't noticed until Barry checked the receipt on his phone. When they'd left the Orchestra Hall, Barry had received a FaceTime call from Oliver Queen. Iris had actually liked the former billionaire playboy. He'd charmingly asked her to be Barry's plus one at the wedding or to meet any other time she'd visit Star City.

Then Barry had FaceTimed his friend Felicity, and Iris was re-considering going to L.A. for a weekend with Barry over Christmas break. Iris had almost forgotten that she had already met Felicity on screen, and that she'd liked the girl from the get go. That was back when Iris had taken Felicity for Barry's love interest, whereas Felicity had known all along that Iris was the actual love interest.

Barry and Iris had spent the rest of the day in his hotel room, watching an Oscar-nominated movie that neither of them had enjoyed because it was ridiculously tragic. They'd watched it because the lead couple looked a lot like them. And like the dorks that they were, Barry and Iris had reenacted a sex scene from the movie, laughing all throughout the deed—Iris had never had so much _fun_ during sex, it had been fantastic. Then she'd almost cried in happiness when Barry had used his dexterous fingers to edge her into the longest orgasm of her life, which had actually been an accident because he'd planned on edging her for twenty minutes, not ten! She'd needed a nap to recover from coming so hard, and when she'd woken up she'd given Barry the seriously best blow job she'd ever performed. 

Maybe _that_ was what he referred to when he talked about her spoiling him?

"Would you be able to participate in the last sing-a-ton fundraiser night, on the twentieth?" Barry asked out of the blue. "I know that you'll still be grading, but you'll need a break, right? And I'll be done with finals by then. I was thinking of doing a duo. Caitlin and I raised two hundred dollars singing 'Summer Nights' from the movie Grease on Cisco's birthday. Two hundred dollars! That's a joke. We can do better, you and I."

"A duo?" Iris echoed before chuckling. "Barry, you sing so much better than me! The contrast will confuse people and no one will donate anything."

"Iris, come on, you have a decent mezzo-soprano range, your melismas are decent and you always sing on key," Barry claimed. "And if we pick a song that's actually perfect for a duo, _and_ we involve the audience in the singing... _No one_ will be able to tell that you have no formal training."

Iris blinked, anticipation bubbling in her chest.

"You already have a song in mind, don't you?" She guessed, squinting when Barry nodded enthusiastically, biting his lip.

"Melismas+..." she repeated the musical term he'd used earlier. "Barry I won't embarrass myself on a Whitney song. Nuh-uh!"

"No, no," he reassured her before smiling mischievously. "I wouldn't dare disrespect the memory of the queen of melismas by making _you_ sing one of her masterpieces in public," he added.

"Bartholomew Henry Allen," Iris said with mock sternness as she leaned over her desk, "did you come into my office to insult me?"

"Nope, I came to make up and land a date," he actually replied before hopping onto his feet. "Karaoke at Jitters then late dinner at yours?"

"Barry!" Iris called on as he started walking backward, smiling widely. "I can't promise that I'll be free that evening!"

" _I'll_ be free, so we could stay at your place the whole time," he suggested as he picked up his umbrella and open the door wide. "But 'Always Be My Baby' _is_ your favorite song by Mariah Carey, so..."

Oh. It was! Iris didn't know they had that one. Why hadn't Linda told her? She would've signed up earlier!

"Okay, Barry Allen, you got your date," she agreed as she stood up too and rounded her desk but leaned against it instead of walking to the door in order to resist the temptation to kiss her boyfriend.

"You're the best, Iris!" He exclaimed so cheerfully that for a moment Iris was transported twelve years in the past, and she saw the happiest boy she'd ever met.

A flash of lightning made her look at the window for a second, and when she turned her head back Barry was in her personal space, something that she still hadn't developed a flight response for because her body just remained calm, no spike in heartbeat or anything, at least not until he kissed her.

It was just a quick peck on the lips (thank God because the door was _wide open_ ) but it made Iris blush from the moment she shyly returned his goodbye, until the thunderstorm stopped, when she left her office for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> *Did I do a good job reminding y'all to stay hydrated? It got a little bit hot in there 😬
> 
> **"You're good (okay)?"
> 
> # The Jazz piece by is aptly titled 'Real Quick Lovin' by J. Thompson
> 
> \+ In music, melisma is the act of singing multiple notes on a single syllable. The perfect example of a melisma would be the 'I' and 'you' when Whitney Houston sang: "and Iiiiiiiiiii will always love youuuuuu" hope that makes sense!


	7. When Times Get Rough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their relationship is official now, and of course not everyone is happy about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here come the not so happy moments, but it's not too bad and sections 3. and 4. are all West-Allen.
> 
> Warning for Joe's not so great parenting in 2. It feels like I used a lot of season 1 characterization for this story. I only made Barry wait for 12 years though, instead of 15+! I'm nicer than the show writers 🤣😅
> 
> Oh, and there are strong **er** D/s undertones in 3. and mentions of it in 4. But it's not over the top. I don't even know much about D/s so my apologies if I articulated it all wrong in section 4, I mean no offense to the culture.

1.

"Hey, Bartholomew?" Cisco called out after Barry allowed him into his room.

"What's up, _Francisco_?" Barry asked as he looked up from his notes with a chiding lift of his eyebrows.

Since when were they calling each other by their government names?

"Dante's in my room," his friend informed him, his tone too serious. "He'd like to see you."

"What, he's worried that people will think that he's giving me answers to our final exam if he saw me directly?" Barry asked as he stood up from his chair and followed Cisco to his room at the end of the hallway. "If anything, I'm worried that he'll be harder on me during the performance eval. Ugh, I haven't been drinking enough tea..."

"I'll be in the lounge," Cisco unexpectedly announced once Barry walked into his room.

Barry didn't even acknowledge his friend, he was already focused on the somber look on his music professor's face.

Dante was standing in the middle of the tiny dorm room, one arm crossed over his chest, the other held up so his hand was supporting his chin.

"Hi Dante?" Barry chanced as he struggled not to fidget.

It was easy for him to be all confident in the presence of his peers, but he owed that to Oliver spending hours on end training him out of his natural pushover personality. For years, Barry had thought that he was much more assertive than he actually was, and that was because he'd spent so much time with Iris, who always made him feel sure of himself. Even when she made decisions for him—what clothes to wear, what museum to go to, when it was time to work on school assignments, what food to order for delivery—she always asked for his opinion first. But once he'd arrived in Star City, Barry had realized how indecisive and easily influenceable he was. He didn't think that he would've come back to Central City against his uncle and grandmother's wishes if he hadn't received Felicity and Oliver's support. 

Even though he could fake his way into looking like the worthy nephew of Donald Thompson at formal events, Barry still got nervous around adults who weren't his relatives...Except Iris, of course.

Oh.

"Is this about me dating Iris?" Barry decided to speak up first since Dante was just staring at him, as if seeing him for the first time and wondering what he was doing there.

Even if Dante didn't know about him and Iris, there was no reason to keep their relationship a secret anymore. They'd submitted their forms already. 

Barry was now aware that filling up the forms directly at the H.R. office hadn't been the most discreet way to go about it. He'd felt rushed to do it right after the symposium, where so many other students had hit on him, even guys. That might be because they'd seen Hartley chat with him, and Hartley was openly gay. The presentation had been for his physiology class, not his physics one, so of course people hadn't known that Hartley was so familiar with him because he was his T.A. In any case, Barry hadn't wanted to wait until he reached his dorm room to fill up the forms from his laptop. He should've done it as soon as H.R. had asked for them after Iris had submitted hers, but he'd been busy rehearsing for the symposium with his group.

Even after submitting the forms, he'd craved Iris' presence, so he'd chanced breaking her rule about them not meeting on campus. In the end, they'd made up, planned for a date, and she hadn't even reprimanded him for stealing a kiss. 

That had only been on Friday morning. Today was Sunday, and it seemed that the H.R. staff members were actually the gossips everyone stereotyped them to be. Or had Iris herself told Dante? But Barry was sure that she would've let him know.

"How are you so casual about it?" The pianist questioned with a deep frown. "To _me?_ Do you have any idea how terrible I feel right now?"

"Pardon?" Barry reacted with a blink.

"Right before Thanksgiving break, Iris confirmed what Cisco told me after you left from helping him settle at Iris' place: that you and her were more than just neighbors," Dante recounted. "That you were _friends,_ and you had a fallout, which was further complicated by the fact that you'd moved to Star City. I was a bit weirded out that neither of you had said anything to me right from the get go since I'd clearly shared your full names when talking about the other, but I let it slide. Things happen, whatever. But now I learn that you two are _romantically involved?_ "

Ah, right. Now Barry felt a bit guilty for keeping Dante in the dark. He _had_ been the one influencing Barry to come back home, to live the life Barry's mom would've wanted for him. Barry's favorite date with Iris so far was actually them going to the CC Orchestra Hall, where his mom had worked as assistant stage director. Dante had been the one making that date possible, too.

"We just got together," Barry admitted. "We declared our student-teacher relationship just this Friday—"

"I can't believe that the university would even allow that!" Dante cut him off. "You're _a kid_ , Barry! Iris' a grown woman, regardless of how much younger she looks. This is..."

"Please don't say 'wrong'," Barry pleaded. "I don't want to lose your respect, Dante..."

"Then break it off," his professor demanded. "I know that people will think that Iris' the one taking advantage of you, and I'm so disappointed that she'd let her own professional and personal reputation suffer because of this, but _I know her_. She's not a predator."

"No she's not!" Barry confirmed with barely controlled volume. "Why would anyone think that?"

"Fue to niñera, ¡cabrón!" Cisco's brother switched to Spanish in his exasperation, throwing his hands in the air. "Damn, sorry. English, right, I said—"

"That she was my babysitter, yeah, I understand some Spanish," Barry informed him.

He'd learned some to feel closer to Iris during those first few weeks of depression, when listening to "If" had started to become redundant. Sue him.

"Of course you do," Dante drawled. "Iris knows Spanish, so you picked it up too. How can you not see how messed up this situation is!"

"It's not messed up!" Barry denied. "I had a crush on Iris the moment I saw her, her becoming my babysitter had nothing to do with it! Her being older has nothing to do with it! She's beautiful and caring and passionate—"

"Something you wouldn't have known if she hadn't been your babysitter!" The pianist argued. "She would've never given you the time of the day otherwise! You would've never sneaked into her heart..."

"I didn't sneaked into her heart!" Barry denied. "She loves me for who I am!"

"Really now?" The eldest Ramon brother asked. "Has she told you that? Are you going to lie that you haven't molded yourself into the exact type of lover you think that she wants, since you knew her so well when she was coming of age?"

Barry froze, feeling caught.

"No one would even blink at you two if they saw you on the streets," Dante admitted with a wave of his hand at Barry's appearance. "Yes, Iris looks a bit younger than her age, but what were the odds of _you also looking older_ than yours, to the point that you two can pass for peers? I clearly remember mistaking you for a senior college student when we met at SCU. You being taller shouldn't matter, Iris is short so plenty of kids are taller than her. But your beard? Your gait? Your poise? Your overall alpha male swag? I know it's a front, I've been there myself. You want the world to believe that you're older and worthy of a woman as exceptional as Iris West. But _you're not_ Barry, not right now at least."

"Iris clearly disagrees," Barry stated sharply, attempting to regain control of the conversation. "Her opinion is the only one that counts—"

"See, that's where your immaturity, your _youth_ comes in and ruins this nice facade you've been building for God knows how long," the music professor claimed. "If you truly understood Iris, you'd know that her career is paramount to her, and you wouldn't risk jeopardizing it with this dalliance. You would at least keep your relationship a secret! But you want to show off, don't you? I can't blame you, with all due respect Iris' one fine woman, I'm still surprised that no one has tried to put a ring on it."

Barry took several deep breaths to calm himself down, because he _knew_ that Dante got most of it wrong. He'd had many years to analyze his potential relationship with Iris, he knew what he was doing.

Yeah, Barry had learned how to pass up for an older guy, something he could do even without a beard, and hanging out with Oliver had one hundred percent helped, but...He _naturally_ looked age ambiguous, just like Iris. So indeed, _what_ were the odds of the Wests and Allens becoming neighbors just in time for him and Iris to get to know one another and become close? And what were the odds of Iris giving Barry a second chance, four years after breaking up their friendship?

If you asked Barry, it wasn't just the university that was allowing their romance. The fucking _universe_ was on their side. He and Iris belonged together, period. He'd had that conviction since looking at their reflections in the mirror of a fitting room, when Iris was adjusting the cuffs of one of Barry's first adult button-down shirts.

But yeah, the beard was intentional: Barry had put two and two together and figured out that Iris had a weakness for men with facial hair. All of her celebrity crushes had beards, and Keante had a beard too. That guy was such an asshole, there was truly no explanation for Iris dating him other than she'd prioritized his looks over his terrible personality. So despite believing that he'd never seen her again, Barry had still molded himself into a guy Iris would want as a lover. 

However, Barry wasn't putting on a facade on the personality front, as there would be no point. After all, he and Iris had been friends for a long time. She _knew_ him. Barry could fool _others_ but he couldn't fool Iris with his 'alpha male swag'. He _did not_ fake being confident around her, he just _was_. She brought it out of him. Actually, until Friday, Barry hadn't even realized what a blatantly greedy and demanding lover he was with her at times, whereas he'd always controlled his possessiveness when they were just friends.

Barry didn't want to shift the blame, but...Iris _let him_ be greedy and demanding and possessive? This wasn't the same as his exes tolerating his bullshit, because he wasn't being a jackass to Iris, he was just...He didn't even know what he was trying to do. Not show off, that part Dante totally got wrong. Barry had _nothing_ to prove to anyone except Iris, he didn't give a shit what other people thought. CCU demanded student-teachers relationships to be declared, and that's what they'd done. It was the right thing to do.

"Even if I was faking anything, Iris would see right through me," Barry explained. "She wouldn't let me just 'sneak into her heart', she'd have to let me in it after I showed up outside, literally. And she absolutely wouldn't let me jeopardize her career. There's nothing to jeopardize in the first place! I am _legal_ —"

"But you're still a kid!" Dante insisted. "You are _barely_ legal—"

" _Cisco_ is barely legal," Barry corrected him with a shrug. "According to the law, I haven't been a kid for nine months. And before you bring up the fact that eighteen is an arbitrary number," he added with a lift of a finger.

Dante crossed his arms over his chest, expectant, probably thinking that Barry had some 'immature' argument to present.

"As far as neuropsychology is concerned, me and Cisco and Iris, and arguably you as well, _we're all_ on the same boat," he informed his professor. "We're all out of the crazily emotional stage during which our pre-frontal cortex needs serious wiring in order for us to behave like responsible individuals," he explained as he tapped his forehead. " _That's_ why the most widely agreed upon legal age is eighteen, and why that number _hasn't changed_ in several decades even though there's been so much progress in brain research in that time frame: because our brain is supposedly mature enough for us to be trusted with the betterment of society."☆

That left Dante as speechless as Barry had been when Lyla and Dig had debated the right number for a universal legal age, years ago back in Star City.

"But _none of us four_ is out of the maturing phase," the bioscientist in training told the musician. "The debate is still ongoing as to exactly when someone is in full possession of their faculties, so to speak. The current consensus is from late twenties to mid-thirties, but the one undisputed empirical data is the age at which all the brain connections are fully established: forty years old."

At that point Barry crossed his arms, because he was done defending himself. He had exams to study for, and no time to waste with one more close-minded person who probably thought that males being older than their females partners was normal, but the other way around was an abomination. All because, in the latter scenario, the woman was more likely to be in control of the relationship, and who the hell wanted to tolerate such a disrespect to the patriarchy? Bunch of misogynists, the lots of them: male, females and even non-binary people. Barry was under no illusion that he was much better than most people. He was simply more aware of the status quo because it threatened his happiness.

"So maybe let's wait until your fortieth birthday for you to tell me what to do," he boldly suggested. "At that point you'll definitely know better than me and even Iris. But to be honest, I hope that it will be too late, that I'll have already 'put a ring on it'."

Dante squinted his eyes at that, but remained silent as he scrutinized Barry for a silent minute.

"You're serious about Iris," the pianist stated the obvious. "I mean, I realized that she was the woman you love so deeply, but love is...love isn't wrong, but it can be _misleading,_ blinding and makes you do stupid things without thinking. You seem to have thought this through, though."

"I have," Barry confirmed diplomatically. "I truly never meant to deceive you, Dante. I'm very sorry for keeping things from you. But Iris and I weren't even on speaking terms until I helped Cisco move to her place...What's funny?"

Dante had started laughing, not too loud but with unexpected mirth.

"This whole time I was righteously angry for being your oblivious wingman," the pianist explained with an apologetic smile, shaking his head. "I was just thinking: if I hadn't known how to play 'Whatever, Whenever, Wherever', things would've been different."

True?

"But Iris was _my wingwoman_ via the exact same song," Dante recalled. "And Cisco told me that she helped him land a first date with his girlfriend Cindy? And that without _you_ giving him tips, he might not have earned a second and third date. The two of us owe you and Iris our own romantic successes, so the least we can do is not interfere with yours. No wonder mi hermanito didn't tell me anything when he figured out that you and Iris were together. He knew that I'd react poorly to the news. Sorry."

"Cisco _knew?_ " Barry asked, incredulous. "Since when?"

He'd thought that he and Iris had been discreet during the time Cisco had stayed at her place.

"The first damn day, man," Cisco's voice came in behind him, making Barry and Dante turn towards the door.

"Guys, I need to study," the mechanical engineer major reminded them. "You better be done."

"We are," his older brother confirmed as he started walking. "Thanks, bro. And yeah, you two better study. Good talk Barry," he added with a tap on Barry's shoulder that gave him a vivid sense of dejà vu.

Barry nodded absentmindedly and whispered a vague "yeah" but his eyes were locked on his friend.

"The first day?" He echoed. "You...you were in the middle of your hair care routine, music blasting loud, how could you—"

"Ignore the sexual tension thick as a slice of the lasagna we both made?" Cisco teased as he went to his desk. "After I learned that cooking is the _only skill_ Miss West hasn't taught you?" He added with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

It took too many seconds for Barry to get it.

"Cisco, _no!_ " He denied. "Holy shit, you thought that Iris and I had already...?"

"Dude, she pulled you into her bedroom when you started giving her sass, as if to remind you which one of you was supposed to be on top!" Cisco argued with raised shoulders and palms turned up to the ceiling.

" _Oh my God,_ " Barry groaned as he slapped a hand to his forehead. "No, no, we only had our first kiss that day, man, I swear. How...You thought that me and Iris...When I was _fourteen_?"

"Love is love, man, whatever," his friend shrugged it off. "I mean, Miss West is a very attractive woman who probably gets propositioned by all these macho men who don't know how to complete a quest in order to earn a goddess' favor*. Whereas you seem like the kid who's been consistently leveling up to be her worthy champion, from snot-nosed boy to expert playboy. It's not rocket science, it's game strategy: she should favor the most promising player!"

"What with the online game analogy? Are you in withdrawal right now?" Barry asked, amused. "When was the last time you played 'Gods War'?"

"Too long ago, man, I can't wait for finals to be over!" Cisco whined as he reopened his notebook. "And Cynthia will be done tomorrow. She's so going to leave me in the dust with the two-day headstart! Ugh!"

Barry laughed at his friend's not so tragic misery, but then got serious again. 

"Thank you for being cool about me and Iris, Cisco, really," he told him. "You've got to be the only other person in Central City, I swear."

"Really? Who's the first person?" Cisco questioned as he tapped his tablet back on, complex blueprints displaying on the screen. 

"Iris' best friend Linda," Barry let him know.

Cisco's head whipped in his direction, a wide grin on his face. 

"You know what that means, right?" He asked rhetorically.

"No idea," Barry confessed with a slow blink.

"Dude! Get out of here," Cisco changed topics abruptly, but before he dipped his head back down towards his notes, he added: "means that I got first dibs on best man, you player!"

* * *

2.

"Off with it, sunshine," Iris' mom encouraged once they were done cleaning up after dinner. "What's the news you wanted to share?"

"I actually have two," Iris confessed before taking a deep breath. "My poem anthology will be in print by February, and I've been dating someone. It's pretty serious."

"Baby girl, that's fantastic!" Iris' dad exclaimed just as her mom said "This is amazing sweetheart!"

They hugged her from both sides, and for a few precious seconds Iris savored her parents' sincere joy, pride and deep relief. She knew that they were worried about her not having her creative work published. Iris was proud of her academic work, but sharing her poetry with the world had been her dream since she was still a rebellious teenager.

And of course, Francine and Joe West wanted grandchildren. They'd been so obvious about it ever since Wally's pictures had become the main topic of discussion in the West family's Facebook group.

"Which poems made the cut?" Iris' mom asked as her and her husband gave her back her personal space. Joe himself asked: "Who's the lucky guy?"

"You'll know when you buy the first copy," Iris teased her mother, "but I can tell you the title of the anthology: 'Kaleidoscopic Seduction."

Iris saw the lawyer's face fall a bit as she understood the reference, but her dad had only ever read or heard Iris' poems in passing so he didn't see his daughter's next announcement coming.

"I'm dating Barry," she finally shared, her voice barely audible.

"Sorry, Garry who?" Her dad inquired just as her mom sighed longly, which was a much better reaction than Iris had expected.

"Barry, dad, not Garry," Iris corrected him at normal volume. "Barry Allen."

Confusion lasted for a long while on the detective's face, but it disappeared as soon as he exchanged a look with his lawyer wife. Then anger, outrage and hurt battle in his eyes and in the tremble of his lips and the shift of his jaw.

Him simply walking out of the house was definitely not what Iris had expected, but she'd take it for now. Door slamming and all.

"When did it start?" Francine asked before filling up a kettle with water and setting it on the stove. 

"Officially? Last Friday," Iris answered.

"And in actuality?" The D.A. followed up without missing a beat.

"Thanksgiving week," Iris confessed.

"Oh," her mom reacted, looking surprised. "That's very recent still. I thought...I thought that you'd reconnected on his eighteenth birthday last Spring."

Iris shelved for later the knowledge that both her mom and Barry's dad had expected her and Barry to resume their friendship the moment Barry became a legal adult.

"How are you even going to handle a long-distance relationship with a teenager, Iris Ann West?" Francine questioned sternly. "He must be a college student now...You really think that he'll resist the temptation of sorority girls? Especially during finals like now. He'll seize any chance to 'de-stress', believe me. Star City University has to be bigger than CCU—"

"Barry's back in Central City," Iris let her mom know. "He's attending CCU."

D.A. West didn't make any comment before she filled two mugs with chamomile tea.

"Please tell me that he's not your live-in-boyfriend," she pleaded calmly after her first sip of the hot drink. "I can't imagine what Henry must be thinking. Has Barry told him?"

"Barry lives on campus," Iris informed her as she blew on her own tea. "He got a full scholarship, which I can imagine Henry is very proud of. And to my own shock, Henry's fine with us dating each other. More than fine, he's quite happy about it. He admitted that he'd imagined it happening further down the road, though."

"He's entertained the idea for a while, hasn't he?" Francine guessed with a rueful smile. "The Allens adored you, all three of them. They took to you from day one, and while that made me proud as your mother, I have to admit: whenever Nora and Henry took you to Barry's choir performances, I would sometimes get paranoid and fear that they would skip town and never bring you back...Yes, honey, I know that it was silly. I actually stopped worrying when six-year-old Barry asked for your hand in marriage, because until then I was convinced that he would eventually make his parents adopt you one way or another," she added with a little chuckle.

The two West women fell in a neutral silence for a few minutes, both sipping on their tea.

"You didn't do anything wrong, sunshine," Iris' mom anticipated her next words. 

She knew her so well.

"Even though I first thought of Barry as a potential romantic interest when he was still _fourteen?_ " Iris asked, her voice breaking. "The moment you told me how he felt about me, I just...Something switched in me and I—"

"And you wisely removed him from your life," the lawyer reminded her. "And I'm sorry that we forced your hand, honey, I really am. Your dad and I knew how deeply you cared for Barry, how you never stopped caring for him. But that was exactly why we needed to put distance between you two. I promise you that I trusted that you'd never entertain his feelings when he was still underage, but...the boy loved—loves you deeply. _Unconditionally._ Well, not quite, he wanted you as his wife from the start, and he seemed to have reached the limit of his patience for you to show that you felt the same. Whereas _your_ unconditional love for him was innocent, caring and nurturing, but the potential for _more_ was there. To your father and I, that potential kept growing with every inch Barry was gaining on you, with every day that passed and you still weren't getting uncomfortable by your physical closeness even after he hit puberty."

Ah, so that's what Iris felt for Barry: unconditional love?

It checked out. Whether her feelings made her float on cloud nine or made her feel guilty and unworthy, she wanted to be there for Barry, and she wanted him by her side too. Not just when things were fun and exciting: practicing Mariah Carey songs, celebrating his academic successes, skirting around the idea of a vacation in California. No, Iris also wanted them to be together when times got rough, because Iris was a bit down that Professor Larkin declined to have lunch with her the past few days, after the news of her dating a student reached the department's ears; because Barry felt guilty about not taking care of his depressed dad when his mom passed away, even though he promised her that he would; because Barry suspected that Hartley had 'accidentally' miscalculated his test score out of jealousy that he and Iris were officially together; because Dante still hadn't replied to Iris' text asking if he'd come to the last Jitters sing-a-ton to watch her and Barry sing.

Iris wanted them to be _physically together_ and talk about those topics in depth, but they were both busy so she timed their phone calls and they never even got to say much after exchanging the highlights of their days.

And now that Iris had no idea if her dad would ever accept her relationship with Barry, more than ever she wanted to bury herself in her boyfriend's embrace and wait there until things got better.

She missed Barry so much. Their daily phone calls were obviously never enough, and Iris was tired of being reasonable about their no campus meeting policy. People already knew about them, what was the point of being discreet anymore?

 _ **Exactly, so you should visit him at his dorm room right after this,** _the little devil's voice suggested.

 _Shut up,_ Iris snarled back in her head.

She didn't have time for her subconscious to be a bad influence on her right now.

"Are you happy, sweetheart?" Francine asked quietly as she walked Iris out. "That's all we ever want for you, you know that, right? For you to be happy."

"Barry's always made me happy," Iris shared with a soft smile as they stepped outside in the frigid night. "It's...an adjustment, though, treating him like an adult, rather than just telling him what to do."

"I don't remember you ever telling him what to do," her dad argued forlornly from the porch. "Must be why he felt free to see you as an equal, as a _partner_."

He was leaning against the railing, and Iris approached him cautiously.

"I can't believe that I thought that distance would keep that boy out of your hair," the cop chided himself. "I should've known that you kids don't even need physical interactions anymore, there are online dating apps and whatnot nowadays—"

"That's not what online dating is, darling," Francine corrected him with a fond smile. "And Barry's actually in Central City right now. He's studying at CCU."

"Where _you teach,_ Iris!" Joe pointed out, frustration clear in his tone. "What if people knew? Your reputation—"

"My reputation is doing just fine, but thanks for letting me know that you think me _reckless_ enough to engage in a forbidden relationship," Iris talked back coldly. "Barry and I qualify for exceptions to the student-teacher relationship ban. He's not going to take any of my class, so there's no conflict of interests."

"That doesn't make this right," her dad argued. "I thought we taught you right from wrong, but now I wonder if we should've made you cut all contact with Linda, too. The Parks were a terrible influence to you!"

"Leave Linda out of this!" Iris reacted strongly. "What does she have to do with anything?"

Iris wasn't stupid: deep down she'd known that Linda hadn't really been avoiding Barry when she'd declined to hang out with Iris at home. No, Linda had been avoiding Iris' judgmental parents, and she'd avoided the Allens in case they were the same.

"You think that we don't know that she's bisexual?" Detective West questioned. "That shouldn't be called a sexual orientation, that's being lost! You like men or you like women. Linda's led you to believe that _any_ kind of relationship was okay as long as it's not against the law!"

"Joe, that's enough, darling," D.A. West intervened. 

"And Henry!" The detective brought up out of nowhere again. "He couldn't even take care of Barry, but he thinks that Barry can take care of _you?_ I kept in touch with Henry all these years, and I could tell that he was eagerly waiting for this! He and Nora fell in love with you at first sight, along with their son! They would've adopted you if they could've!"

"Then why did you let me remain Barry's babysitter, huh?" Iris asked rhetorically. "Wait, let me guess: just so you would know exactly where I was almost twenty-four seven. Oh, but also to prevent me from hanging out too much with Linda, right? God, I can't believe that all this time I thought that I was proving myself to you two. You never trusted me to act responsibly, did you?"

"Of course we did, honey!" Her mom denied. "You were just fifteen yet you already knew what you wanted to do in life, and your academic performance had gone back up just in time for you to be a 4.0 student in high school. We were so proud of you—"

"As a student," Iris' dad specified. "Then as a teacher, too. But as a young woman, Iris...How could _our child_ have such poor tastes in men? We don't claim to be perfect, but is there nothing that you've observed from your mother and me that could've made you choose your partners more wisely?"

That made Iris snap. 

"Well, what's wrong with _Barry_ , huh?" She taunted him, relishing the way his eyes widened in shock. "He's smart and kind and hardworking, and hey he's got a pompous rich family too. I'll be _just like you_ , dad: I'll have to put up with some elitist crowd's shit during the holidays just for my spouse's sake!"

"Iris Ann West!" Her mom chided her for her harsh words against her family, but Iris kept her gaze on her dad, who was shaking with outrage.

"You said that you _wouldn't_ marry him!" He reminded her, as if she could've forgotten her own words. "You said that it went without saying!"

"And when I was fifteen _you promised_ not to interfere with my social life ever again if I proved myself as a reliable babysitter!" She countered. "Yet the moment Barry got a little overzealous with his crush for me..."

"It's. Not _._ A. Crush!" Joe objected even more vehemently than Barry had that first day of their relationship. "That boy, who's been passing for a _man_ since he was thirteen years old, is absolutely serious about you!"

"Then isn't it a good thing that they're together?" Francine pointed out tiredly. "I for one am content knowing that Barry truly cherishes our daughter."

Iris wanted to be happy with just her mom's support, but she selfishly couldn't. Her mom had always been on her side. Her mom knew exactly how unhappy she'd been over the past several years, so of course she would be happy with any kind of improvement. For sure, it was a huge improvement; Iris was almost as happy as could be. 

_**You'd be in heaven if you let the kid manhandle you a bit then give you some aftercare**_ , little devil claimed.

 _How are you part of my brain?_ Iris questioned, incredulous. _Is that what you think a dominant-submissive relationship is all about: rough sex?_

 _ **Err, there's a safe word too?**_ The tiny voice offered.

 _Don't be a goof while I'm having the worst conversation of my life!_ Iris reprimanded.

 _ **I just wanted to remind you that happiness is still attainable during these rough times,**_ the little devil pointed out. _ **This porch is cursed, by the way,**_ she added before shutting up.

"Barry Allen still doesn't have my blessings to marry you," Joe West declared. " _You two_ don't have my blessings, you hear me Iris? Find someone else! Someone _better!_ "

"You mean someone _older_ ," Iris corrected him as she adjusted the collar of her coat and lifted the strap of her purse higher on her shoulder. "Because there's no one better. Not for me."

"Iris Ann West, get back here!" Her dad demanded as she walked down the steps of the porch, but he didn't follow her because his wife held him back. "This discussion isn't over!"

When she got home, Iris was too exhausted from the emotional distress of the night to call Barry, so she sent him a neutral text to report on the night's event since she'd told him that she would talk to her parents about them. She changed topic when he tried to get details about her discussion with her parents.

 _ **Baby boy better learn that the best way to make you talk is to give you an orgasm first,**_ her bad conscience quipped. _ **  
**_

Iris groaned and ineffectively pressed a pillow over her head in order to sleep in peace.

* * *

3.

Apparently only science majors had exams until the very last day of finals, because three quarters of Barry's dorm was already back to partying like crazy.

Cisco had made the drastic, 'executive decision' to go home for the last two days of finals because even Cynthia had become 'the enemy'. He was so dramatic.

Barry had opted to study in the less crowded Linguistics and Foreign Languages Library, which was just a ten minute walk from his dorm, as opposed to the Biomedical Sciences Library that was closer to his science classrooms.

It was the evening before his physics exam, his very last final, and he felt ready. In fact, if he studied any harder than he already had, he might start forgetting formulas. 

So after two hours of review, he packed up and decided to clear his head by exploring the stacks.

He was peacefully weaving around the rows of old and new books mingling on tall shelves in the deserted basement when he saw _Iris_. At first he thought that he was hallucinating, then he remembered that Iris had more reasons to be in that specific library than he did.

"Iris?" he whispered as he approached her, and she seemed to similarly believed him a fruit of her imagination, looking back and forth between him and a dusty volume that she then dropped on a check-in cart and backed away from slowly. At least she backed up straight to his chest, and he couldn't help wrapping his arms around her middle.

"Oh, _thank God,_ I didn't inhale some hallucinogenic particles or something," Iris commented quietly before turning around, shaking her head at her own comical reaction. "Shouldn't have watched that sci-fi show right before bed last night. What are you doing here?" She then questioned with a frown.

At least she didn't seem upset by the fact that they were meeting on campus.

"The science library is too far and too crowded, and my dorm is too loud," Barry explained as he chanced a kiss on her forehead.

She hummed and lifted on her toes to press her lips against his covered jaw.

Oh. He hadn't expected such a sweet public display of affection. Well, there was no one else around, but still. They were in a public space. That counted.

"Hey, you didn't tell me how dinner went with your parents," he brought up since she seemed to be in a good mood.

"Don't let me distract you from your studying, Barry," she chided him with fake humor as she stepped out of his embrace then turned away from him to pretend looking at titles of shelved books. "Your physics final is tomorrow, right?"

Never mind, she was _not_ in a good mood. Not to stereotype, but women sometimes...

"I just got done studying, I'm confident that I'll ace the exam," he replied calmly. "Iris, we need to talk..."

"About our sing-a-ton performance, yes, definitely," she veered off-track so ostentatiously that Barry didn't bother objecting right away. "I was thinking that we shouldn't bother switching the gender in the lyrics. As long as I'm the one singing the lines that contain the word 'boy' we should be fine, right?"

"Yeah, sure," he easily agreed, getting annoyed when she started walking away from him.

Was that it? She was satisfied with mere minutes of interaction?

"Iris, we could at least sit down and catch up," he suggested as he followed her towards the back wall, using his taller frame to block any escape route from her. Not that she was trying to escape, but couldn't they spend a little more time together?

To his dismay there was no couch or table and chairs by the back wall, even though that corner was a perfect lounging space. Maybe it was because there was no camera around, so they didn't want to encourage students to take a nap there, or read for leisure instead of study.

Or make out with their girlfriends.

"Barry, you should go back to your dorm, have dinner and sleep early," Iris advised after frowning at the lack of furniture herself, then she looked up at him. "Really, you need to leave," she added as she _did_ try to escape, walking across the tight but sufficient space between him and the wall.

He saw the exact moment when she realized that her last sentence was the first she'd said to him the day she ended their friendship: she froze halfway through her escape, barely past his shoulder.

Barry would never be able to tell what exactly made him dare not just to take a step back to block her way again, but to also push her face first against the wall even as he leaned his free forearm on it to cage her in. He did it slowly, with a gentle hold on her low bun, but still...He _pushed_ Iris West. She wasn't just his former babysitter, childhood friend and girlfriend, she was an instructor at his university! And he assaulted her!

He immediately bent over to make eye contact and check if she was okay...and to gauge how furious she was at what he'd just done.

Her eyes were wide with shock when they met his, and he waited long seconds for the shock to turn into anger or hurt or outrage or all of the above.

"Why did you do that? What were you thinking?" Iris instead asked with a scarily neutral voice, but for some reason Barry wasn't panicking.

She didn't sound hurt, and she wasn't pushing against his now neutral hold on her hair. She smelled so good, as always, he could tell now that he was standing so close into her personal space. He himself wasn't sweaty or anything, but except for a faint scent of his boringly neutral body lotion he didn't smell like anything enticing. He hadn't planned on meeting her.

And now he _wanted her_ so bad. Having his hand in her hair made him reminisce something she'd said during their first time:

_"Don't worry, I'll let you pull on it another time. When you take me from behind, yeah?"_

Fuck, forget that. He didn't want to get a boner in the middle of a library.

"Barry," Iris called out flatly before reiterating her question: "Why did you do that?"

"You were _running away_ from me!" He accused in a stage whisper. "We barely said hello and then you wanted me to leave. _And_ you keep avoiding the topic of your discussion with Francine and Joe! What did they say about us dating?" He asked again.

"My mom's fine with it, but my dad isn't," Iris actually answered, her eyes going down, but she looked up again to squint at him "and we're _not_ supposed to meet on campus."

"What does it matter anymore? We submitted the forms!" He challenged as he got even closer to her, his face almost touching the wall too.

Iris startled when sounds of footsteps coming down the stairs resonated at the other end of the stacks. Barry let go of her hair but brought his hand to her lower back.

"They're too far, they can't see or hear us," he reassured her, though he wasn't even certain of that himself.

But she was so tensed, she looked so stressed, and he _needed_ her to relax. From up close he could see faint circles under her eyes.

"Why won't you talk to me, Iris?" He whispered a mere inch from her lips, compensating for his accusatory tone by rubbing her back.

He didn't feel the shiver that ran through her body through the thick layer of her coat, but he detected it as she let out a sudden but quiet exhale before she bit her lip a second too late. Then he saw her pupils dilate, right there in front of him.

Oh.

 _Oh,_ was she...?

"Barry," she half-warned half-moaned when his hand slipped down the curve of her ass— _fuck,_ her ass—over her open coat and under the box pleated hem of her dress.

They were in a library, he shouldn't do any of the things he wanted to do to her...

Well, he shouldn't do what he wanted, but he definitely should do what she _needed_. What they both seem to need right that moment: an orgasm to melt the tension between them. They always talked openly after sex, now that he thought about it. Maybe their communication had been suffering lately because touch was their love language, so to speak, and they hadn't been using it?

"Do you want to come, Iris?" He asked her as he pulled on her leggings underneath her dress. He didn't even register his own _boldness_ because half of his attention was on the distant footsteps and voices of whoever had come down the basement, and the other half was on Iris' lips as she licked them.

"Yes, Barry, please," she answered shyly.

No, she _begged him,_ and holy shit he'd daydreamed about her begging for it so many times.

"But we're going to talk afterwards, right?" He coaxed her as he leaned away from the wall and turned her around so they could face each other. She immediately spread her legs, which allowed him to pull the leggings past her knees.

Wait, wait, no, he shouldn't say it _like that!_

"Do you want to talk afterwards?" He rephrased his request, getting a heated wet kiss from Iris instead of a spoken answer.

It pained him to lean away from her, but he really needed an answer to his question.

"Iris, please," it was his turn to beg, and he remembered to keep moving his hands under her dress, to pull her panties down and massage her hips and all sides of her thighs. And her fantastic ass. They both gasped when a second shiver made her skin erupt in goosebumps.

Him pleasuring her wasn't dependent on her reply, right, so he didn't stop touching her while waiting for her answer. But maybe he shouldn't have started fingering her before she spoke up?

"Anything you want babe," she promised then, barely keeping her volume low enough to remain undetected from the other occupants of the level. "Please, Bear, I need to come, I'll tell you everything—"

"Yeah?" He replied softly before dropping a chaste kiss on her cheek. "No rush, Iris, I just want us to keep communicating... _Fuck,_ you're so wet already."

Her panties had been dry when he'd pulled them down, but now her pussy was soaking wet, coating his fingers and making everything slippery and easy. He didn't think that Iris was sufficiently aroused for him to find her g-spot, though...No, he couldn't feel anything other than her walls squeezing him nice and tight.

He wanted to be in her so bad right now, damn it. He wished he'd adopted Oliver's habit of keeping condoms in his wallet. He hadn't seen the point in it since he'd never had sex anywhere other than in his girlfriends' bedrooms back in Star City.

Anyways, this quickie in the library was scandalous enough as it was. They were definitely breaking a few rules from the Code of Conduct. And maybe the law as well. 

He rubbed the wet pad of his thumb all around her clit, but for a while he ignored the glans and the folds of the hood. Instead, he firmly massaged the skin bordering her two sets of labia while he pumped and twisted his index and middle fingers in her vagina, trying to stimulate all the hidden erectile tissues of the clitoris. Barry had felt so dumb when he'd discovered that there was more to what _he'd thought_ was the major female pleasure center. In reality, the visible part of the clitoris was just a _small_ portion of the entire structure. Thank goodness for Caitlin's favorite anatomy charts app.

He used his other hand to fondle Iris' butt, one cheek after the other, and he had to actually recite physics formulas in his head to calm down from imagining a full view of Iris' ass while fucking her doggy style.

After a few minutes she started getting loud, but she moved faster than him and pasted her own palm over her mouth. Her eyes were still conveying how overwhelmed she felt, regardless. She hummed softly when he kissed her forehead in a contradictory attempt to soothe her just as he started fully stimulating her clitoral hood. Iris' gripped his forearm tightly with her free hand then threw her head back, her head making a dull sound upon impact against the wall.

What else was Barry supposed to do when offered the full expanse of her neck? He kissed it and sucked on it, careful not to leave hickeys.

Despite being muffled, Iris' little scream as she came was fairly audible, but the other people in the basement didn't seem to notice or care. Thank fuck.

"There's a...behind the stairs," Iris tried to say, whispering the words between shallow breaths after Barry managed to quietly pull his fingers out of her.

She fixed her clothes herself, probably aware of how completely wet his right hand was. He definitely needed to wash it.

"There's a bathroom behind the stairs," she completed the sentence as she weakly led him back between the shelves with a shaky hand on his upper arm, stopping for a moment at the check-in cart from earlier.

Oh, her purse was hanging from it. Right, she probably wanted to touch up her makeup and fix her hair too? Seriously, she looked amazing still, only her lipstick had worn off. She always looked so good after an orgasm, it had to be the post-coital glow or something.

"I have condoms," she shared in a hushed and conspiratorial voice as they tiptoed around the shelves and avoided the security cameras—her walk was clumsier the usual, but that was a good thing for Barry's ego.

Hold up.

_Condoms?_

He placed his left hand on top of the one she used to open the door to the individual bathroom—even with the lights off he could tell that it was a fairly spacious one: he couldn't even see the toilet from the door, the sink had counter space on both sides of the faucet, and there even was a ceiling high mirror next to the paper towel dispenser.

Was she really suggesting that...? Of course he'd thought about it himself, but...

After blinking at their shadowed reflections, Barry looked down at Iris, who looked up in confusion, then in embarrassment.

" _Oh my God_ , what was I thinking?" She asked, her eyes widening at the same time as she took away her hand from the door handle and his hand. "Forget I said that, we shouldn't—"

Before she could complete her sentence or step back, Barry pushed her yet again, into the dark room this time. He followed her inside and decided to worry later about the camera to the right of the door, which was definitely catching their illicit behavior on film.

* * *

4.

Iris kept glancing around as she played with the radio, sitting in her car in the small parking lot of the Linguistics and Foreign Languages Library. She smoothed her lose hair as she reminded herself that she and Barry weren't doing anything illegal. Not right then.

It had been five minutes since they'd discreetly exited the library, fifteen more since they'd left the bathroom where Iris had let Barry fuck her from behind in front of a mirror; where she'd let him pull on her hair and had repeatedly promised to talk every time he'd asked if she meant it; where he'd had to move her to the sink to get a better angle and more leverage; and where he'd been the one covering her mouth this time when she got loud, himself muffling his voice by kissing her back and shoulders.

(Was it her, or was Barry obsessed with her back? He never missed a chance to kiss her all over it.)

She was so grateful that they hadn't gotten caught. Before leaving the library, Barry had video-called Felicity and casually asked about the cameras, showing her as much details as he could. The IT prodigy had assured him that unless a criminal activity was reported, the footage of a camera surveillance at such a deserted spot would automatically be deleted after twenty-four hours.

No doubt Iris would get fired for being caught on camera entering and exiting a bathroom with a student, submitted forms or not.

She'd been so touch-starved, though, and the way Barry had just...He'd been so gentle but so predatory, stalking after her (she'd never felt that urge to flee from him, back when they were friends) then backing her in a corner, grabbing her, pushing her, then caging her physically, and demanding answers...And as soon as she'd tensed up in fear of getting caught, he'd been so soothing with that back rub, and he'd verbally backed away, had focused on making her feel good, massaging her skin in her most erogenous area...It was almost funny, how he'd really thought that she could still use her brain as he touched her. Fuck, Iris had almost lost it...Scratch that, after Barry had made her come, _she'd lost it_. She'd craved for more, because yeah Barry had taken care of her emotionally, making her say what made her feel so bitter: her father, but also holding herself up and not allowing herself to talk with Barry because they were both busy and she was doing the adult thing by staying away, but she hadn't been happy making that decision.

So that first orgasm had in a way cracked the dam of her self-control, and she'd dumbly listened to the advice of the devil on her metaphorical shoulder, that thing that was definitely living in her brain. The cave woman side of it. She'd coaxed Barry into manhandling her and _fuck_. She would've snoozed on the spot if they hadn't been in the most inappropriate location for mirror sex.

 _ **Aren't you glad that I remembered about the condoms, though?**_ The little voice in question asked rhetorically. _ **Now that you guys fucked, you can talk!**_

"So _you_ shut up!" Iris mumbled.

"I didn't say anything," Barry pointed out as he twisted back from reaching for his phone charger in his backpack, looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

She was already too scandalized by what they'd done downstairs to feel embarrassed about talking to herself now.

"But this time I really have to apologize for..." Barry started but didn't complete his sentence, looking up from plugging his phone to briefly eye a group of students passing by, then letting out a long sigh and sinking into the passenger seat, bringing his hand up to hide his eyes.

"I'm not mistaken this time, right?" He questioned as he slowly lowered the hand from his face. "That was dubious consent at first. I even shoved you against a wall..." he added with a wince.

"My reflexes would've kicked in if I'd felt threatened, believe me," Iris reassured him. 

"Did you go back to boxing?" He asked curiously. "Your upper body looks really nice, I mean, _stronger_."

Ah, so she hadn't imagined his obsession for her back.

"Yeah, they installed a punching bag at the apartments gym so I've been taking advantage of it to refresh my muscle memory," she left him know before she set on an old school Pop music station. "And last year I took a self-defense course with dad, which was offered by a retired HRT officer. Lots of Krav Maga moves."

"I'm very glad that your reflexes didn't kick in, then," he deadpanned, his eyes wide for a second, looking impressed.

Then he blinked, and his mood got somber.

"You must have had an amazing time with your dad," he pointed out as he propped his elbow on the passenger seat door and leaned his jaw against his fist. "And now because of me, your relationship is strained."

"Better strained than non-existent because we cut off all contact," Iris pointed out bitterly. "I know that it was my own decision to kick you out of my life in the end, but...My parents have always had a lot of influence on me, Barry. I ended up loving it, but me becoming your babysitter had been their choice too, not mine. I wanted to work at the Korean restaurant owned by one of Linda's aunts."

"I thought that you were free to quit after a while," he pointed out with a tilt of his head.

"Yes, but I knew that my parents would trust me more if I kept doing it, especially once I became more of a tutor to you," she explained. "I had a lot of rebellious behavior to make up for. I was wild and totally irresponsible from age twelve to fourteen."

"I really have a hard time imagining you being wild and irresponsible," Barry stated before he froze then blushed. "I mean..."

"You know, I think that I'll accept your apology, after all," Iris teased him. "What happened in the library was all your fault."

"I know," Barry actually agreed with a groan before dropping his forehead on the dash, then he turned slightly to look at her with puppy eyes. "Can we not digress though, Iris? Let's get back to that after we talk about your parents' reaction to us dating. We can't avoid it forever."

"I don't see what there is to say," Iris admitted with a shrug before quietly sighing as she lay down on her reclined and now fully heated seat.

Okay, she'd definitely pulled something during that bathroom sex. She wasn't hurt, but there was an uncomfortable knot somewhere in her back. Nothing a hot bath and yoga couldn't fix, though. 

"I believe that my mom is happy for me," she shared when Barry remained expectantly silent. "But my dad never trusted me with you, that's for sure. As soon as he learned that you were going to school here, he assumed that I was dating you against the Code of Conduct. He even accused Linda of tainting my perception of right and wrong."

"What does Linda have to do with anything?" Barry asked as he got comfortable as well, shifting his seat back to get more room for his long legs.

"I don't really see the logic, but apparently Linda being bi made me think that dating a younger guy was okay," Iris paraphrased her dad's ridiculous accusation.

"Linda's bi?" Barry repeated loudly, his voice overcoming Madonna's as she started singing 'Papa Don't Preach'.

How fitting. Iris switched off the radio all the same.

"Wait, are _you_...Did she, did _you two_ —" Barry stuttered, sounding panicked now, which was hilarious considering how calm he'd been about breaking several laws and rules in that library basement.

"I'm straight Barry, and no Linda has never hit on me," she answered his incomplete questions after chuckling softly. "And so what if we'd dated before? We're clearly not together right now."

"Okay, I need to fully disclose that I've been jealous of and intimidated by Linda ever since I met her," he rushed to say, "I knew even before I first saw her that you love her very much, and I always thought that she had it easy being your female best friend because you told her _everything_. After the Vegas trip fiasco I definitely envied her, assuming that your dad would never have blinked an eye her at her for taking you to Vegas...I'm sorry that I was wrong on that point. And of course I was worried that Linda wouldn't approve of me as your boyfriend because she caught me red-handed when I tried to cancel your date with Scott Evans. I know that you highly value her opinion, so..."

Iris wondered if she would've given into the temptation of dating Barry if Linda hadn't given her the green light, so to speak.

 _ **My influence is greater than Linda's!**_ The little voice in her head argued.

 _You're me, Iris_ pointed out silently.

 _ **Exactly,**_ the voice confirmed **** _ **. So the answer is yes, you still would've seized the opportunity to happily date Barry, because you knew deep down that being attracted to him didn't make you a bad person. FYI there was no more temptation once he turned legal.**_

 _Yes there was, there still is!_ Iris argued in her head.

 _ **What, the temptation to have mind-blowing sex?**_ The little devil drawled. _**That's not a temptation, that's a well-deserved reward. Plus, I'm sure that he's the one struggling harder against the temptation to just come to your office every lunch break and fuck the stress out of you both.**_

"I guess that I'm sort of relieved that Joe is just unfairly judgmental to _anyone_ who gets close to you?" Barry stated hesitantly. "His disapproval isn't really about me lacking the qualities of a good boyfriend, right?"

"You're so vastly better than my former boyfriends, it's almost laughable," Iris declared with a smile and little shakes of her head, but when she saw the doubt in his eyes she reached out, grabbing his hand across the center console.

It was now or never.

 ** _Never say never, girlfriend, you're just jinxing yourself,_** the little voice whispered.

"Remember when you accused me of sabotaging my own romance while I'd helped the Ramons'?" Iris brought up.

"Iris, I was just being a jealous brat. I swear that I didn't mean it," Barry assured her.

"You were right," she confessed but quickly added, "partly," when his hand twitched underneath hers.

"I don't understand," he whispered, sounding hurt and confused. "I thought that..."

"I love you Barry, so very much," she told him, realizing that she was saying it for the first time.

Barry's face never switched from expressing dejection to expressing elation so fast she had to blink to make sure that it had happened.

"Sorry that it took me so long to say it," she apologized as she interlaced her fingers with his. "It took me a while to admit it to myself too, not just because I felt guilty of our age difference, but mostly because I didn't want to give you my heart even though I know that it would be safe in your hands."

"Well," he sighed as he looked down at their linked hands then away to stare out the windshield. "After the way I treated you earlier—"

"Barry, Bear," she called out twice, straining her neck so she could catch his gaze. "I promise, I wanted to have sex with you. I even said that I _needed it_. You didn't force yourself on me, you didn't hurt me—"

"That's kind of a lie, I can tell that you've strained your back," he countered sadly as he looked pointedly at her reclined seat. "I recognize the signs because I've been in that situations too many times because of Dig or Oliver's stupidly hard workouts."

Iris giggled at the way he scowled at the memories. She got serious again when his eyes turned sad and apologetic.

"I don't understand why I did it, Iris," Barry whispered. "Shoving you against the wall...even—even following you around when I could tell that you wanted to put some physical distance between us. Why didn't just...You didn't you tell me to stop? If you set boundaries I swear that I'd respect them. I swear, Iris!" He repeated himself as he squeezed her hand.

He sounded so distressed by his self-proclaimed misdemeanor, and so earnest in his desire to have her control their sexual interactions even though his instinct was to take control himself.

They were overdue for this talk, to define their relationship and set clear boundaries.

"Have you ever heard or read about dominant-submissive relationships?" She inquired first, and waited patiently when he opened his mouth, closed it, then shook his head.

"Mostly in passing and never in a good way," he confessed before lifting one corner of his lips. "Crash course?"

"Communication, especially to establish consent, is paramount," Iris started as she ticked off one finger on her free hand, "one partner explicitly relinquishes control to the other for one or several aspects of the relationship," she ticked off another finger, "Communication is paramount," she jokingly ticked off a third finger despite repeating the first point.

"Before you freak out about us not being very good with communication lately," Iris said when Barry's eyes widened in alarm, "please accept my deepest apologies, Barry. I've known that I'm a submissive type of partner for a while. I wasn't happy about it when I figured it out, so instead of just pretending to be a regular girlfriend who likes to equally give and take control, I tried to always be assertive in my romantic relationships, mostly during sex. Guys like it, it's usually a major turn on to have the girl take charge in bed. It's fun, it's a bit wild and there's an unpredictable side to it, especially when the power dynamic is different in other aspects of the relationship."

Barry blushed bashfully as he whispered "yeah."

"But I didn't get a lot of satisfaction pretending to be a dom," Iris let him know. "Sex was passable at best—"

Barry gasped loudly and withdrew the hand linked to hers. When Iris looked at him in confusion, he was staring back with wide eyes shiny with unshed tears.

"Don't go imagining the worse, Bear," she chided him as soon as she guessed what he was thinking. "No, I haven't simulated any orgasm with you; no, you liking to have me on top and teaching you things doesn't make you a sub. It doesn't make you a bad match for me. Calm down, babe, it's not like that."

He gradually relaxed his shoulders, and ended up letting out a long sigh of relief. Then he blinked. Once, twice, three times.

"I _am_ dominant," he stated with a frown. "Not in general, but with you, as your boyfriend? I...I get so pushy at times, and I—I like moving you around, controlling your personal space, and having you on top is the default because you're shorter than me and I want to be able to see your face and make sure that you're having a good time...Oh, so the mirror?"

She questioned him with a quiet hum, trying to keep up with his fast speech—how lucky was she that he was so smart and intuitive, really? This was going much easier than she'd expected.

"Or was that the _exhibitionist trait_ I now suspect we both have?" He asked rhetorically, because he had the right answer as always. "We had sex in _a library,_ Iris, knowing that there were people around...Holy shit."

"Yeah, I'm afraid that we've awakened a new kink in each other," Iris confirmed with a mischievous smile before she sobered up and stared at her wheel. "And I need to apologize again, Barry, because I should've made us work on our communication from the get go. You are a fantastic boyfriend in general...but you're just _perfect_ for me. As a teacher I get to lecture and dictate rules all the time, and as a short woman I've come to be very assertive to get taken seriously. I like having that control in public, but behind closed doors I don't want to think too much about looking strong or doing the right thing. Me being submissive doesn't mean that I want to be meek all the time, it just means that I need my partner to take control of what we're doing; it means that I trust that he knows how to make me feel safe and how to satisfy me sexually. Talking during sex is great, but if we establish rules beforehand and use a safe word there's even no need to talk, and I can just relax and focus on pleasure, both mine and his...And _yours_ ," she switched the pronoun as she glanced at Barry.

He looked a bit shellshocked. 

"Babe, say something," she pleaded after long seconds of silence. 

"Can we establish the rules right now?" He requested, his voice a bit strained as he looked straight ahead. "Do we need to write them out? What about when we're not having sex? I kept choosing where to go every time we went out on a date, does that..."

"Barry, breathe," she instructed him softly, her own breathing calming down as she gently placed a hand on the right side of his face to make him look at her. She rubbed her thumb over his beard, reveling in its smoothness.

They stared at each other for what felt like hours, but couldn't have been more than two minutes. Iris had never seen him look so poker-faced, it was unnerving.

"Would you tell me what you're thinking right now?" She inquired quietly.

"I'm so fucking happy," he blurted out as he placed his hand on top of hers and his eyes finally displayed what indeed qualified as joyful excitement, and there was that glint of adoration he'd had to hide for most of his young life. "You said that _you love me,_ that I'm the perfect boyfriend for you. I've been in love with you since before I knew what love is, and I've believed that we belong together since I was...twelve? Thirteen? But of course it felt like wishful thinking most of the time, then when you ended our friendship it made me think that I'd been completely delusional. Then four years later you let me back in your life and just gave me a real chance! But then I was so paranoid that you weren't serious about us, but you submitted the student-teacher relationship forms even after we had that fight and..."

Iris chastely pressed her lips to his, not to shut him up but to force him to take a break and _breathe_.

That attempt was counterproductive, because Barry immediately but gently grabbed her face with both hands, deepened the kiss and got _her_ breathless.

"I love you, Iris West," he declared solemnly yet with a wide smile.

"I love you too, Barry Allen," she responded with a corresponding grin as he leaned his forehead against hers.

She saw his lips move in soundless words before he kissed her again, and she let herself get lost into their tender make out session before she eventually told him to go back to his dorm. He stole one last kiss after she promised to pick him up after she got done with her last office hours of the semester the following day, a few hours after his last final exam.

It was only hours later that Iris' brain deciphered the silent message Barry had seemed to exchange with her subconscious rather than directly with her. 

_"I'm going to marry you,"_ he'd definitely enunciated.

 _ **Go ahead, loverboy**_ , the voice in Iris' head replied belatedly. _**Unless boss lady herself has any objection.**_

 _None as of now,_ Iris admitted giddily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> ☆ That's my assumption, based on that real fact. If it were up to me the universal legal age would be 21 all around, though, to vote, join the military and pass the driving test too.
> 
> *In Greek Mythology, Iris is the goddess of the rainbow, that's where the name of the colorful flower family comes from. Not many people know that, but Cisco would know because Iris is the name of the U.S. server for the online RPG 'Gods War' so he looked up the connection to Greek Mythology years before Dante met Iris.


	8. There Is Nobody Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read the notes 🙃

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another multi-chapter fic completed! I want to be proud of this final chapter but even after hours upon hours of editing it still feels rushed even though it's too damn long. Sorry I made you wait for this, friends.🙈
> 
> Thank you all for your patience with this story! If you're reading my other fics, updates will resume this upcoming week. Hope you're all safe!
> 
> More music this chapter! I highly recommend you listen to "Always Be My Baby" by Mariah Carey and maybe "Q.U.E.E.N." by Janelle Monáe ft. Erykah Badu because I don't think that enough people are aware of Janelle's talent.
> 
> Warnings for section 4: a/mentions of Nora's death twice, b/Hartley Rathaway 😈 c/Joe briefly mentioning a random deadly accident involving an unnamed teenager, d/ disturbing mention of rape as a reality of the world, not an actual event. 
> 
> Here's the list of West family members mentioned in section 3 (there were others but I got lazy coming up with names...though only Henrietta is made up).
> 
> Mary West = Iris' cousin-in-law and Wally's mother  
> Robert Rudolph "Bobby" West= Iris' first cousin and Wally's father  
> Wallace Rudolph "Wally" West = Iris' nephew, Mary and Bobby's son  
> Charlotte "Charz" West= Iris' first cousin, Bobby's sister and Wally's aunt  
> Grandma Esther = Joe's grandmother  
> Ben West = Joe's father  
> Henrietta West = Joe's mother  
> And yes, warning for family drama in section 3, but it's mostly Joe vs Barry.
> 
> I just discovered that I could link pictures to the text😅 so you can easily check out the ballroom attires that inspired the descriptions of Barry, Iris and the Thompsons' outfits in section 4!

1.

"Test," Barry's voice resonated loud and clear as he stood at the karaoke corner, and Iris' heart skipped a beat when their eyes met from across the big room.

He wanted them to sing _now?_ They'd just arrived! The others were still on the way!

"Better do it before we drink any coffee," Barry told her through his mic while he grabbed another one sitting on top of the speakers, and part of the crowd chuckled when Barry almost dropped that second mic the moment it made a cringing noise after he switched it on.

"Sure, turn everyone deaf, Bartholomew," he mumbled before he completely turned around to the karaoke console, but again the mic carried his words and more people snickered.

"Barry!" Iris hissed after speed-walking to him.

He smiled brightly when he turned his head towards her, and she couldn't actually help smiling back as her embarrassment and mild annoyance vanished.

How could such a mature-looking young man be so adorable?

He was wearing boots, dark denims and a red plaid shirt. It was the first plaid shirt she'd ever seen on him, which was almost a crime because it suited him so well. It made him look casual but not childish, which was quite impossible with his beard anyways.

The shirt was slightly oversized, hiding his muscle tone but not the impressive width of his shoulder. Iris had this silly idea of stealing it from him later on because it looked so comfy. So far she'd only pilfered one of his nerdy sci-fi show t-shirts, but it had only been three days since he'd moved to her place for Christmas break.

"Another reason why we should sing now," Barry explained confidentially after thankfully switching off the two mics and handing her one. "That large group in the back, the business people? I'm sure that they'll donate a lot. They sound like New Yorkers, and people from out of town are more likely to make a sizable contribution, compared to locals who like to believe that they can always contribute later."

"What book did you read that from?" Iris teased him.

"'Fundraising 101' by Carla Thompson," he answered with the same humorous tone.

He must be serious, though. He'd sounded genuinely disappointed about the sum he'd raised with his friend. Wealthy people did raise impressive amounts of money for charity, didn't they? And spent a lot organizing the charity event too. Fascinating culture.

"It will also be easier for you to sing in front of strangers, right?" Barry guessed. "Last time, Cisco had Caitlin giggling every other line, it was distracting."

True, Iris was less likely to mess up if Linda wasn't there to distract her by making encouraging gestures the way Iris could imagine her best friend do.

"Yeah, okay, let's do it," she agreed, and he nodded twice before turning back to the karaoke console.

As Barry looked for the right song, Iris dragged the microphone stands from their spot against the wall. She adjusted her mic first, then walked to him from the side, her eyes scanning the now attentive crowd of customers while he was giving his back to them. He looked very focused previewing the lyrics, but he slightly turned his head in her direction when she got close. She extended her hand towards him in a silent request for him to pass her his mic too.

One of the girls at the table closest to them cooed "Aww!" when instead of giving her the microphone Barry absentmindedly grabbed her hand and kissed it, then pulled it against his chest, making her stumble half a step closer to him.

"Barry!" Iris whispered, her embarrassment getting so much worse when she sheepishly glanced at the crowd only to see Linda, Stacy and Lucy gaping at them from the entrance.

Right. Of course. Perfect timing.

"Hmm?" Was Barry's innocent reaction before he startled, then slowly turned his head to present her an apologetic smile.

"Hey, at least no one but the baristas knows us?" He defended as he turned around to face the crowd, and yeah as Iris expected he blushed furiously when Linda enthusiastically waved at them, a wicked smile on her face.

"I am so, _so_ sorry," he whispered, barely moving his lips before adjusting his microphone himself.

"It's okay," Iris reassured him with a shrug, and found the courage to wink at the group who'd watched the whole thing.

They giggled.

"Hey guys, happy holidays!" Barry greeted when they turned on their mics again, and Iris knew that even with her eyes closed she'd hear the smiles in the Jitters customers as they toned "happy holidays!" back.

"We're going to sing Mariah Carey's 'Always Be My Baby'," her boyfriend announced.

"A welcome change, I'm sure, from that _other Mariah Carey song_ that half of you hate but can't help humming along anyways," she herself quipped, grinning when many people laughed and expressed their agreement.

"Speaking of humming along," Barry followed up seamlessly, "there's the well-known part: 'do do doop...do do doop do doop da-dum' at the beginning of the song and repeated after the chorus. It would be so cool if you guys could help us with that part! And you don't have to make the exact sounds, you can also hum the tune instead, it will sound just as nice. Yeah? I'll cue you with," he touched his fingertips to his right ear, palm facing the crowd.

"Don't forget to donate, guys, every dollar counts!" Iris reminded the crowd before nodding at Barry.

He pressed play, and Iris closed her eyes to center herself. She'd known the lyrics by heart since it had come out when she was a little girl, so that wasn't a challenge at all. Not overdoing the melismas was the key to singing that piece right. Attempting to rival Mariah was ridiculous for an average person like her. Barry could get pretty close to a perfect delivery of the song within his voice range, and that's what was going to make their performance stand out.

Iris tried to sway a bit on her spot as she sang with one hand on the mic and the other on the leg of its stand. The third time she smiled at Barry when they made eye contact, she belatedly realized that the lyrics of this song fit her current emotional state: she was so much more confident about her relationship with Barry than when she'd agreed to date him.

How could she have doubted that he was in for the long run? That boy had been in love with her for longer than she felt comfortable imagining. One day she'd stop feeling terrible about ruining Henry and Nora's boy for any other woman. Well for women his age, she supposed. Barry claimed that he'd never felt attracted to an older woman other than her. He'd even been shocked that a senior student at CCU had flirted with him despite knowing that she was three years older than him. Similarly, Iris had had her share of turning down younger men trying to flirt with her, but most of them actually thought that she was their age in the first place. So far no student at CCU or the youth center had disrespected her by making a pass at her, but she wondered if that would change at CCU when the news of her relationship with Barry spread.

It didn't matter. She was with Barry and she was happy, the happiest she'd ever been romantically.

Iris hadn't lied to her dad: there was no lover better for her than Barry. He knew her, understood her, and loved her so deeply. And the sex? Holy Moly, the sex was phenomenal. What had she been thinking, not telling him about her sexual preferences from the start!

Before coming to Jitters, they'd spent the day in bed, after spending the evening of the previous day going over their informal dom/sub contract in details. And before that they'd gone two days without sex, just chaste hugs and forehead kisses, which they'd mutually imposed on themselves because they'd been so out of control on the last day of the semester. Not at her place. _On campus._

She'd stayed in her office long after the time she'd agreed to pick up Barry, and he'd been upset about it. She'd sent him curt replies in answer to his impatient questions on when she'd actually be done, and had been shocked when he'd showed up to her office right around the time she'd estimated that she would leave the building.

When he'd locked her door after walking in uninvited, the little devil in Iris' head had challenged her to meet him halfway in his clear intention to do something naughty. Earlier, a patrolling campus safety officer had informed Iris that she was the only person still present on the third floor, so she'd very irresponsibly let Barry seduce her into some office sex. He'd made her come with one hand under her skirt and the other in her shirt with her bra cup shifted up. Her own hands had been braced against the glass of her window, from where they'd both watched small groups of students taking pictures outside now that the campus wasn't crowded. After she'd recovered from her intense orgasm, she'd given him a hand job while he sat on her desk.

At least he'd helped her thoroughly clean her office before leaving for the break...

Still, that had been one more time too many that they'd broken the institution's code of conduct, so they'd gone on time out for two days, and Barry had even decided to sleep in the guest room.

They'd thoroughly enjoyed each other's company regardless. Was that shocking? Not at all. It made sense that they were still good friends on top of everything. They'd had lots of fun with each other without being intimate for eight years. Becoming lovers was the next best thing.

However, Iris was aware that her romantic relationship with Barry was still in the early, happy stage. No long-term relationship was perfect, and she was under no illusion that theirs would be an exception to the rule.

But Barry had come back to her after four years of separation. Distance and time hadn't broken their bond, so she knew that they would be fine. Iris' dad was giving her the silent treatment now, his anger cooled down. He might never approve of her relationship with Barry, but he'd have to deal with it eventually because she was as serious as Barry about getting married. Eventually.

She'd let Barry know the night before that there was no reason for him to rush proposing to her, that he needed to enjoy his youth before getting into such a serious commitment, and that it would be fine if he changed his mind about it along the way. Barry had smiled mysteriously but hadn't said anything back, changing the topic of conversation to the selection of the DVDs for movie night.

Iris had fallen asleep in the middle of their second movie, and had mumbled an apology when Barry had carried her to bed, the way she used to do for him when he was a tiny six-year-old.

For the first time that night, she hadn't felt guilty about being Barry's former babysitter. For the first time, she'd been grateful to have so many fond memories of the boy who'd grown to become the man she loved with all her heart.

Their first date had been perfect because they had so much history together. Barry readily acknowledged that she'd been his role model growing up, but she could also claim that he'd significantly influenced her personality as a young adult.

_**You'll always be a part of me** _   
_**I'm part of you indefinitely** _   
_**Boy, don't you know you can't escape me?** _   
_**Ooh, darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby**_

_**And we'll linger on  
Time can't erase a feeling this strong  
No way you're never gonna shake me  
Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby** _   
  


Iris managed to zone in and ignore the crowd in front of her while she delivered her best musical performance, and to her surprise she didn't hear Linda or Lucy cheer obnoxiously. She was aware that more people were coming into the coffee shop, and that people stopped by the donation stand to either drop cash or swipe their cards...But for a bit more than four minutes it was just her, Barry, and the instrumental track. They obviously didn't need to look at the karaoke screen to read the lyrics.

For the second half of the last chorus, Iris went on and embellished the song with riffs and runs that she'd practiced carefully, because, again, 'Always Be My Baby' wasn't an easy song for complete amateurs.

Barry wasn't a complete amateur, so he took his mic off its stand and improvised his ad libs while keeping the audience engaged and still making eye contact with her every five seconds.

Whistles and hand claps erupted even before the two of them took a little bow. They switched off their mics then Barry went to switch off the karaoke console.

"That was great," she whispered to him as they went to order their drinks. She was still a bit breathless.

"It was," he replied, his breathing much steadier, but he sounded nervous?

Iris looked around, trying to find the table where Linda, Stacy and Lucy had ended up taking. Barry had said that he was intimidated by Linda, so maybe her looking at him was what made him—

"I just heard a few people say that this was hands down the best performance of the sing-a-ton," Dante said as he joined them at the counter. "Not sure why they expected anything less from my student, but hey."

"Hi Dante," Iris and Barry actually greeted at the same time, making him raise an amused eyebrow.

"Iris, Barry," he greeted back. "Sorry, I can't stay, have dinner with the in-laws. Cisco and the others are over there, though."

Iris felt Barry gesture to wherever his friends had found seats in the now very crowded coffee shop. But she only had eyes for the colleague she'd started thinking as a friend, but who'd stopped talking to her since learning that she was dating 'his student'. 

"A moment, Iris?" the music professor requested at a lower volume just as a barista chimed : "awesome performance, you guys! Not everyone can pull off singing that song so well! What can I get you?"

"Americano extra shot. Large, please," the English teacher ordered quickly, sliding a hand down Barry's sleeve before stepping away.

She thought that Dante wanted to step outside, but when they reached the coat hanger opposite the donation table he put his hands in the pockets of his jacket. Iris absentmindedly noticed that there was still a small line for people who wished to donate by pretending to pay for her and Barry's performance.

"Listen, I've been a jerk about this whole thing," the pianist started as he rubbed his forehead, looking past her shoulder.

'This whole thing,' okay.

"I mean, Barry _is_ legal," he needlessly pointed out, and unexpectedly smiled. "And looking at you two now that I know...I can't deny it, you look very good together. No one can even tell that there's an age gap, so it's not like...Anyway, whatever misgivings I had about this relationship are objectively gone."

"But, subjectively?" Iris had to ask.

She didn't need anybody's validation, but after her dad's categorical disapproval she was desperate for any kind of sincere support other than Henry's, her mother's or Linda's.

"As much as I'd like to think myself as an open-minded guy, I'm like most people who have arbitrary taboos," he confessed with a drop of his shoulders and a slow shake of his head. "I can't quite wrap my mind around the idea of a student-teacher relationship—please let me finish, Iris. I know that you're not his teacher _right now_ , but you were his babysitter and tutor so you were a mentor to him."

Ha, finally someone who saw it from her point of view. Barry, Linda and even Iris' dad had denied that she'd been an authority figure to Barry. They didn't get it. Dante did.

"But so what if I'm slightly uncomfortable with it?" Dante kept going. "It's not _my_ relationship, it's yours and Barry's. I know that the two of you are good people, so as long as you're happy, I'll support you. We barely knew each other when _you_ helped me pick the song to propose to Melinda. And now three years later, I'd like to think that we're friends. I relied on you to help Cisco after the fire at the dorms, and you didn't let me down. But _I_ let you down with my poor reaction to the news of your relationship with my student, even though it's legal _and_ institution-approved. But I won't let you down again, Iris. Whatever you need that I can provide, you tell me. I'm sure that it's a bit tense around your department..."

"It is," Iris confirmed quietly, not trusting her voice at a higher volume because she was that close to breaking into tears of gratitude.

"And unfortunately I can't quite invite you to my department for lunch," he kept going, "because quite a few music students and even female professors have a crush on Barry, and you know how groupies get with their idol's partner..." he rolled his eyes at that.

Iris chuckled at his joke.

"But if you need someone to talk to, you can call me," he promised, "mostly via my office phone during the day because I put my cell on silent mode. Oh hey, I need to go, I parked almost a block away, it's so busy tonight!"

"Yeah, Jitters gets busiest right before Christmas," Iris let him know.

"Great performance again," the pianist complimented. "For someone without formal training you did impressively well: you stayed within your range, didn't go overboard with the embellishments, and I even heard some steady passagi around..."

"Dante, you need to go," Iris reminded him with a smile, endeared at how fast he'd switched to discussing his passion.

They actually hugged for their goodbye and happy holidays wishes, and it wasn't a polite, barely felt hug either. Dante squeezed her in his arms and whispered "vas a estar bien,"* before stepping backward towards the door. He waved at Barry or maybe Cisco before braving the cold weather to get back to his car and his wife.

Iris' eyebrows went high when she saw that Barry, Cisco, and who had to be Cynthia, Caitlin and Ronnie...had merged their table to the one Iris' friends had claimed.

"Hey, here you go," Barry offered both her cup of coffee and the seat he'd been occupying, since there was none left for her.

"Thank you Barry," she said as she took a sip of her coffee first.

She didn't sit down right away, instead she greeted her friends as well as Barry's, and that's when she saw that Cisco was only half-sitting on his high chair, sharing it with his girlfriend. 

"Barry, just sit back down, she can sit on your lap," Linda instructed as she stared at Iris, raising an eyebrow while sipping on her macchiato as if to challenge her to object to her suggestion. 

Iris raised both eyebrows in return. Linda knew that she _wasn't_ into PDA! Barry knew that too, so he just stood there for an awkward moment.

(If they'd been alone, he would've already pulled her down on his thighs and wrapped his arms around her. Iris was very glad that he wasn't an archetype dom.)

"Everyone here knows that you're together anyways!" Lucy cheerfully pointed out after an awkward moment.

"Right," Barry actually agreed as he sat back down, and Iris flicked her wrist to slap his shoulder with the back of her fingers. "Ow! What? It's true!"

"You guys were so cute! Well done! Merry Christmas!" Someone from that business group shouted at them before exiting the coffee shop with a takeout container.

"Yeah guys, beautiful performance," some lady said from a neighboring table, and more polite compliments were offered for a whole minute.

The donation table, which had been momentarily closed for the money collection, reopened, and one of the girls at the front table made her way to the makeshift stage to prep for her song.

Iris did end up sitting on Barry's lap as she enjoyed the less meticulous but very funny delivery of 'Umbrella' by Rihanna.

Once in a while Iris would feel someone's gaze on her and her boyfriend, but when she'd look on she'd see the person look away with a shy smile. There was no disgust or reproach or disapproval in their expressions. They were just admiring her and her boyfriend.

 _ **Because they can't tell that he's ten years younger than you~** _the little voice in her head explained. 

_Go back in your corner,_ Iris ordered.

 _ **Whatever, nothing scandalously fun's happening anyways,**_ the devil on her metaphorical shoulder complained before shutting up.

Before the third performance started, one of the baristas challenged the customers to do better than the _eight hundred and fifty four dollars_ donation from her and Barry's performance.

"They can try," Barry commented smugly, his words for Iris' ears only, and they both took a sip of their coffees to hide their smirks.

"And I thought that two hundred was a lot..." Caitlin deadpanned at a greater volume, making the group laugh in good fun.

The group quieted down when when the next performer, an older black woman, started speaking softly as a familiar bass resonated all around.

"Oh, Q.U.E.E.N." Barry also recognized the song.

"Is _that_ a song from Cisco's playlist too?" Iris asked as she leaned forward to look at Cisco, who was whispering and making wild hand gestures with Ronnie.

"Nope," Barry replied simply, then started tapping his fingers to the beat.

That lady really did justice to the rap at the end, and received a well-deserved round of applause. After Barry stopped clapping his hands, he extended one of them to grab his medium-sized cup of coffee.

Iris was pretty sure that it was already empty, so she slid her large cup into his hand instead, and he took a long sip without making a comment.

"Thanks," he whispered without making eye contact, trying not to draw attention on them.

But of course Linda, Stacy and Lucy had watched the whole thing, and Lucy awwed.

"Alright, time to go!" Stacy announced as she shot up from her seat. "We heard Iris sing _and_ we opened our pockets for a good cause. Hopefully the traffic isn't as bad as it was on the way here."

"Nice meeting you guys!" Lucy told the teenagers with her ever cheerful tone. "And congrats on surviving your first semester at CCU!" She added with enthusiastic mini claps.

The students dramatically expressed their gratitude for making it out of their first round of finals without any 'permanent' or 'irreparable' damage to their GPA, sanity or social life. Barry didn't make that latter complaint even though he was definitely the one who'd had his social life the most affected by the crazy schedule at the end of the semester.

Barry's friends left not long after Stacy and Lucy when Linda shared Lucy's message confirming that road circulation was decent. That left Barry and Iris alone with Linda for the last few rounds of songs. Iris chuckled when Barry almost forced her to stay seated when she stood up to pick up a phone call from her mom.

"Be nice, Linda," she told her best friend, who looked at her with mock surprise.

"Me? I'm _always_ nice!" She replied before flashing her best cheshire smile.

Oh well. If Barry could deal with the stigma of their relationship on campus, he could survive Linda.

* * *

2.

"I remember that the last time we talked, I wished not to see you again for at least four years."

That's how Linda Park started their one on one conversation, feigning levity by checking her impeccably manicured blood red nails. She was messing with him, Barry knew that, but he still couldn't help fidgeting. Damn it.

"I didn't actually mean it as a piece of advice," Linda added, "but good job following it anyways, Allen."

"It's not like I actually had a choice," he couldn't help the bitterness in his voice as he replied.

Linda's snarky laughter made him startle, and he instinctively eyed Iris by the coat hanger, wishing that her call would just end.

"Oh, Barry," Linda sighed and tutted a little. "You actually were a good boy. Still a little shit, but you had your own way of respecting Iris' boundaries. I'm finding it cute four years later."

"I don't think...I don't follow," Barry admitted before taking a tiny sip of Iris' second Americano. A medium-sized one this time.

He really should stop getting medium-sized cups himself. He'd been limiting his coffee consumption in order not to get addicted to caffeine like Iris, but it might be mission impossible now that he was in college and now that he would spend most school breaks at Iris' place, waking up to the delectable smell of her rightfully expensive Ethiopian** dark roast.

"Let's say that by actually doing as Iris' parents wished, you proved that they were wrong about you being a legal bomb on the verge to explode in Iris' face," Linda stated more seriously.

Her words immediately reminded Barry of a phone call with his dad a week before finals.

*

_"I'm really sorry for not telling you, Barry. You deserved to know why I abandoned you —"_

_"Please dad, let's make it the last time you say that, please. You didn't 'abandon' me: you placed me in the reliable hands of a family member who could better take care of me than you could. You were mentally ill, dad. Something that I should've noticed! Mom told me to take care of you, but I didn't pay enough attention to how hurt you were by her passing. I was old enough to notice, maybe I could've helped you somehow..."_

_ "Until I'm so ancient that I can't be self-sufficient, you won't be old enough to reverse our roles, slugger. It was my duty to take care of you, not the other way around. I know that letting Donald take you in was the best decision for you, I don't regret doing it. I had relied on Iris for too long, and I'd justified it with the fact that she was happy to make sacrifices for you, that she cared that much about you...Then she proved that she actually didn't, at least not enough to even argue against her parents' unfair assessment of your character." _

_ "Dad..." _

_ "I forgave Iris for that, Barry. But like I told her on Thanksgiving, I kept in touch with her dad. In fact, I called him right after Donald told me that you wouldn't say anything after coming back from Central City earlier than expected. Joe kept  claiming that you would've 'eventually' done something to get Iris in trouble with the law. He called you 'a ticking bomb'. All that because you asked for his blessings to go through a fake marriage! And you respected his refusal, but still he started seeing you like some wayward delinquent coming out of nowhere to make his daughter miserable." _

_ "Ah, well, about that, I never told you: when Joe said that I didn't have his blessings to marry Iris, I made the stupidly snarky remark that as long as Iris loved me back it didn't matter if I had his blessings or if I was legal." _

_ "Bartholomew Henry Allen!" _

_"Of course I didn't mean it! I was just hurt by the way Joe rejected me. I don't know, I...To this day I feel hurt that he didn't trust me. I can understand him not trusting me now, it's been four years since we last saw each other, but then? He'd seen me grow up, had even helped Iris watch over me now and then, he'd made me feel welcome in his home. He_ liked me. _I know that he and Francine weren't faking their friendliness towards me until then. But his rejection wasn't gentle, or awkward, or even patronizing, dad. He was completely furious about my request..."_

*

"I would've never done anything to get Iris in trouble," Barry reiterated, hopefully for the last time. "I know that I didn't make a very good first impression to you, Linda, and I regret making you feel uncomfortable around me—"

"Boy, please," Linda drawled. "I never felt threatened by you, especially because back then you were much shorter than me."

Barry gratefully chuckled at her successful attempt at levity.

"You're not the reason why I avoided hanging out with Iris at her parents' place or yours, kid," she confessed evenly.

"I'm not?" He repeated, very surprised, but then understanding. "Oh, is it because you're bi? Iris' dad seems more intolerant than I'd imagined he would be...I guess that's why Iris was so against the idea of _ever_ dating a younger guy back then."

"Iris wasn't strictly against dating a younger guy, she just had this toxic sense of guilt for 'leading you astray'," Linda claimed. "But look at you two now: even strangers in this coffee shop can tell that you're great together."

Barry knew that Iris didn't like PDAs, but he'd been too distracted not to kiss her hand when she'd offered it to him, and that had basically ousted them out as a couple rather than a pair of friends like he and Caitlin last time.

"So," Linda resumed after a short moment of silence between them. "We both know that I'll be her maid of honor at you two's wedding, which will happen...when?"

"As soon as I start my career," he immediately answered, feeling giddy at the multiple nods of approval that Iris' best friend reacted with. "So hopefully in less than three years—I'm a sophomore credit wise, and I plan on graduating in two..."

"Ha, the universe balancing things out!" Linda declared with a dramatic wave of her hands. "Iris graduated as a super senior to be with you, and you're graduating early to be with her."  


"Come again?" Barry reacted, completely taken by surprise. 

He glanced at Iris, who looked a bit worried, but not upset, from whatever Francine was telling her.

Barry remembered her telling him that she was taking things slow in college because Spanish was hard and she wanted to keep her perfect GPA, but he had suspected that she wasn't telling the truth. She was a 4.0 student, and had been able to watch shows on Telemundo without subtitles.

The sacrifices that his dad had said Iris had made for him...That included lagging behind in college, didn't it? Iris could've walked with Linda, but she didn't, she cleared her schedule for him.

Barry couldn't fall in love with Iris any harder at this point, but he could be more grateful that she was such a big part of his life.

"How do you guys look so in sync when you have so many secrets between you?" Linda asked back with a long sigh.

"I don't keep any secret from Iris!" He objected.

"Does she already know about the wedding in three years?" Linda challenged, and he shook his head. "What about the ring I know you've already picked?"

"I...I—how do you know that?" Barry stuttered as he stated at Linda with wide eyes.

His dad had gladly given him access to the trust fund that he would have used for his college tuition, and instead he'd used it to buy a diamond ring. Except for Iris' bra size, he'd known all of her measurements for a while now, so he was confident that the ring wouldn't need any resizing.

"I didn't know for sure, not until your fish out of water look right there confirmed my _educated guesses_ ," the reporter answered with a smug smile. "But really, it's simply what Iris deserves. I'm not sure if diving into the world of commitment so young is a wise decision, though. You'd only be twenty one years old, Allen. Marriage can wait, I'm sure that's what Iris would tell you."

She already had, yeah.

"I first asked Iris to marry me when I was six years old," he pointed out with a shrug of his shoulders. "I've waited long enough."

"Ah, yes, that cute little fake marriage," Linda acknowledged, though the way she looked at her nails again made him nervously take another sip of Iris' coffee.

"Back then her parents actually gave you their _blessings_ , didn't they?" she quietly brought up when her gaze went back up to meet his.

Okay, _ouch,_ no need to rub in the fact that Joe hated him now.

"Stop looking at your nails like that, Lin, it makes you look so scary!" Iris joked at a regular volume as she slid back onto her seat.

Barry took advantage of giving her back her coffee to inspect her facial expression.  She still looked worried, but not angry or upset from her phone call. That was good, right?

"Hey, I'm just prepping him for that Christmas eve dinner with the future in-laws," Linda joked back, only her eyes looked dead serious when she fixed them on her best friend. "That's what Francine called for, right?"  


"What?" Barry reacted as he looked back and forth between the two women.

"Well, _you're_ invited too," Iris announced nonchalantly before taking a long sip of her caffeinated drink.

For the first time tonight, Linda looked out of her depth. 

"That's a terrible joke, Iris Ann West," she replied flatly.

"What? I've gone to multiple of your family holidays dinners!" Iris recounted. "It's your turn."

"My parents like you," Linda argued. "Your parents think that I'm the reason why boys were flocking to you in eighth grade! It's their own damn genes' fault!"

After quite pointlessly arguing of the advantages and disadvantages of attending the Wests' Christmas eve dinner—the rest of Iris' paternal family would be present too—Linda agreed to go. As soon as Iris finished her coffee, the three of them left Jitters. Linda comfortably hugged Barry, belatedly wishing him 'welcome home.' He was very touched by that.

* * *

3.

"Girl!" Charlotte whisper-shouted as she finally managed to corner Iris in front of the fridge.

Mary was too busy bouncing baby Wally up and down while heating up water or milk or whatever was on the stove. Iris would be assisting her cousin-in-law if her cousin wasn't all up in her face.

"Yes, hi Charz," Iris said even though they'd already greeted each other.

"Don't you hi me!" Charlotte chided her in that quiet breathy tone of hers, slapping Iris' shoulder.

Iris had borrowed that move from her when they were still at the pigtail-pulling stage of childhood.

Thankfully she hadn't adopted Charlotte's tardiness. The latter had showed up halfway through dinner even though she could've carpooled with the grandparents, who'd arrived right on time.

"Why did you lie about being single when we saw each other _face to face_ last Spring, Iris Ann West?" Charz questioned her at a secretive volume. "No, no no, don't lie that you just started dating that guy. You two have that long-term but still in the honeymoon phase vibe going on! He clearly knows you from your teaching days at your high school."

Oh God. Iris had hoped that she could've gotten away from this event without her paternal family getting all the details on her relationship...

But now she realized that her dad had probably expected her to show up without her _teenage_ boyfriend. He'd...He'd meant to make her pick between her family and Barry, hadn't he? That was cruel, but Iris really should've known that her dad had extended the olive branch way too soon.

Linda had showed Iris solidarity by bringing a date too. Iris couldn't wait to tease her best friend about her and Ian Peters being 'a thing'. 

"I didn't lie, Charlotte: Barry and I only started dating last month," Iris informed her cousin just as Wally's volume doubled.

"Shh, honey!" Mary cooed, sounding overwhelmed as she stirred whatever mixture was in that small sauce pan.

"Hey, want me to hold him for a second?" Iris volunteered as Charlotte frowned at her.

Wally took a minute to calm down when she took him from his mom's arm, and Iris kept slowly swinging back and forth to keep him quiet.

"Hey, isn't your neighbor's kid's name Barry too? That cute little boy?" Charlotte asked while she grabbed a beer from the fridge even though there were probably many on the dining table.

"But he moved away, right?" She kept going, tipping the bottle in the direction of what was now the Wambaugh's residence. "That kid adored you! I remember us skyping a few times and he wouldn't stop interrupting, but he was so cute and polite about it. And he was at your high school graduation! Anyways, didn't know that Barry was that common of a name. Is there some famous historical guy in Central City called that?"

 _**Tell her already, before she hears it from someone else,**_ the little devil advised.

_I was just about to, shut up!_

"Actually, it's—ow! Wallace Rudolph West!" Iris got interrupted, and she half-heartedly reprimanded her nephew for pulling her hair. Of course _that_ little demon giggled and pulled harder.

Did Barry want kids? Iris was theoretically fine either way, but maybe they could adopt a toddler...or a six-year old. She could deal with six-year-olds.

"Woah, dude, not Iris' hair, come on," Charlotte told the infant with a serious tone even though she didn't try to help. "You need to learn to respect black women's hair from a young age, mister—"

"I plan on teaching him how to cornrow the day I hear about him pulling another kid's hair," Mary announced jokingly between spoonfuls of her vegetable mush thing—wait, wasn't that for the baby? "Girl or boy, doesn't matter, if he shows interest he might as well learn a skill or two."

"I wish I was taught how to do hair," Barry said as he walked into the kitchen, holding a stacks of plates. "My friend Cisco knows all about blow dryers and curling wands and I feel so out of my element when he and Iris talk about girly stuff...Well, it's clearly not exclusive to girls. Beauty stuff?" he tactfully amended before any of the three women in the kitchen could reprimand him.

"Iris can teach you how to do twist-outs," Mary offered before taking a big spoonful to hide her smile while Barry was rinsing out the plates in the sink.

"Which one is that?" Barry asked Mary as his eyes went to Iris then Wally. He had an unreadable expression before turning back around in order to load the plates in the dishwasher.

Wally actually did a hand gesture that could've been a hand wave or a come-on to Barry, but for sure he wanted to interact with him while still pulling on Iris' curls.

"Barry, Wally's saying hello, I think," she said after eyeing Mary and getting her silent authorization to introduce her baby to a stranger.

"Hey, Wally!" Barry greeted as he dried his hands before turning towards the youngest person in the house.

The huge smile that he flashed the baby with made butterflies swarm in Iris' belly. She heard Charlotte whisper "that's a keeper, cuz'," between two quick sips of beer.

Iris' response was an undignified grunt because Wally was still very much trying to ruin her flexi rod curls.

"That, my friend, is a big no-no," Barry spoke calmly to the baby, but tried to get his attention away from Iris' hair with a dramatic double hand wave and a slow shake of his head as he stepped towards Iris, slouching a bit to get at eye level with the infant.

Oh, that actually worked: Bobby's kid reached out to Barry.

"May I?" The latter asked Mary who nodded and, then chimed "yeah, go ahead!" after taking another spoonful of that mush.

What was it: broccoli? Spinach? It looked healthy, it kinda smelled good, but it was definitely _baby food._

Ah, it was to make Wally want to eat it if he saw his mom try it, right? Damn, it seemed like being a parent was all about mind games.

"Yup, you're going high-er!" Barry singsonged when he took the baby in his arms and held him high up against his shoulder, making the infant 'aaah' and giggle in delight. "Aunty Iris is so short, isn't she?"

"Hey, I'm average height!" Iris corrected while Mary and Charz laughed. They were barely a couple of inches taller than her!

Damn it, Iris should've worn heels. She _was_ the shortest among the adults of the West family. Even Wally seemed to be making fun of her for that, what with the way he started babbling continuously. So much for letting him almost ruin her hair!

"I know, I know," Barry replied to the baby-talk as he slowly stepped towards Mary. "Height shouldn't matter since she's already kind and smart and so beautiful. I'm very lucky," he added conversationally.

Iris opened the fridge and pretended to look for a soft drink, when really she was just cooling down her face from the second-hand embarrassment. She ignored Charz's hip check.

"But better get all the inches you can get, Wally. And to grow taller you've gotta eat your veggies," Barry advised the chatty infant, "so here, say 'ah'?"

Iris turned around just in time to see Wally take a tentative suck at the spoon his mom presented him. Then another, and the third one was very enthusiastic. The ungrateful mini human ditched Barry to return to his mother's warm embrace while Barry swiftly took the bowl of mush in order for Mary to adjust her grip on her child.

"Thank you, Barry," Mary said with a wide smile, throwing a quick but meaningful glance at Iris when Barry was speaking quiet words of encouragement to Wally.

"Does he have a bestie just like him, but _single_?" Charz asked in a flat tone, looking just as impressed as Iris felt.

"Are those green peas sweet peas?" Barry asked Mary. "Ah, sweet peas are my cousin Christopher's favorite vegetables, ever since he was around Wally's age. I didn't care for any kind of peas until I had to convince him that they were tasty."

Right, right, Barry had lived with his uncle's kid, so of course he knew a thing or two about caring for babies. He knew more than Iris, for sure.

"Ugh, now I have some unrealistic standards for my next boyfriend," Charlotte announced after taking a long sip of her beer. "As if tall and handsome weren't enough of a hassle..."

"Good luck with the part about him being younger," Iris mumbled without thinking.

"Eh, like anyone cares anymore," her cousin replied with a shrug. "One or two years younger is fine when the guy's mature like your man right here. But say, why were you hiding him this whole time? Don't tell me that it's because he's white, like, girl. This is Central City."

"Charlotte," Iris said, and her cousin sensed that she had something serious to share because she stopped looking at Mary, Barry, Wally and now grandma Henrietta, who instead of saying whatever she'd come to say got distracted by her great-grandson.

"You pregnant?" Charlotte asked so quietly that Iris' own quiet snort seemed too loud.

"Of course not," she answered. "Didn't we swear not to have kids before age thirty in seventh grade?" She reminded her cousin, keeping the conversation discreet as she watched her boyfriend blush at some compliment her grandma had given him.

"Hey, who knows, maybe your ovaries started singing nursery rhymes when you hit the relationship jackpot," Charz joked. "You've always been good with kids, right? Well, at least one kid. By the way, where did kid Barry go?"

 _ **He's right there, Charz,** _Iris' little devil answered internally while outwardly Iris chickened out.

"What are y'all doing in my kitchen?" Joe West's voice boomed before he showed up.

Iris sighed when her dad frowned at Barry right away, because God forbid his daughter's boyfriend got along with his mother. Thankfully Iris' own mother came to the rescue, declaring that it was time for group pictures by the Christmas tree. It didn't happen for quite some time because everyone wanted to help Mary feed Wally. It was a good thing that the baby was so easygoing.

Don't ask Iris how she ended up on one end of the group and Barry on the other, for the group pictures. At least she was between her mom and Linda on the picture she liked best, which she posted on Facebook like every other West.

Before it was time to hug people goodbye, Iris went for a quick trip to the upstairs bathroom. As she exited it, she heard Charz chatting with Barry downstairs.

"Oh, you didn't try grandma Esther's eggnog either?" Iris' cousin asked. "I thought that Iris was the only designated driver. She should've let you drink some liquid courage, though. Those were some sharp daggers that uncle Joe threw at you from the other side of the table, hahaha."

No kidding.

"Well, Barry can't drink anyways," said Linda.

Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and all the saints. Iris loved her best friend, but sometimes...

"Oh, are you like, Catholic?" Charz coincidentally asked in a nosy yet polite tone. 

Catholics drank wine every Sunday! Just a sip, but still. Even the kids could drink, as long as they had their sacraments!

"No, Barry Allen can't drink because he's barely _eighteen years old!_ " Joe West's deep voice announced. "He's not a grad student at CCU, or going back to school like I know some of you assumed. He's a traditional _freshman_ in college!"

Iris closed her eyes shut, and for ten good seconds the only sound in the house was the Christmas-themed Gospel songs from someone's portable iPhone speakers.

"I thought that I recognized you!" Iris heard Bobby exclaim with fake cheer. "You live across the street, right?"

"Ah, no, my dad and I moved out a while ago," Barry informed the whole family. "I lived in Star City for five years—"

"Oh, I see, I see," Bobby replied diplomatically.

Iris appreciated his effort to appear unbothered by the age difference. She should get down there to save her boyfriend from the judgemental looks and remarks. Or rather, get down there and share the embarrassment with him.

"And you flew right back here the moment you turned legal," Detective West accused. "With Henry's approval, I bet! Well, you don't have _mine_ to be here!"

"Dad!" Iris almost shouted at the same time that Francine and Henrietta exclaimed "Joseph!" and Iris' little devil questioned _**Then why in the name of sweet baby Jesus in a manger did you invite him?**_

Iris hurried down the stairs so fast that she almost tripped when she reached the landing. She gratefully grabbed the arm Barry extended towards her in anticipation. He probably remembered her ruining a few cheap heels at that exact same spot.

Except for Linda and Ian stationed at the door, looking ready to go _any second now_ , the rest of the family except Iris' parents pretended to find something to do even though Iris knew that they were listening in.

"Actually, no, I didn't rush here after my eighteenth birthday _in March,_ " Barry corrected Iris' father before he let his arm fall now that Iris had regained her balance.

He blinked when she intercepted his hand on its way down and interlaced her fingers with his. This wasn't a public display of affection, it was a public display of _loyalty_.

"We started dating last month," Iris specified.

"And I don't see what's wrong with my dad supporting my relationship," Barry resumed, his eyes locked onto the event's host. "At least _he_ trusts that he raised me to be a _reasonable_ person!"

"Barry!" Iris exclaimed this time.

"Your father _didn't_ raise you, boy! Iris did!" Detective West snapped a few feet away from Iris.

 _ **That's not what he said last time!**_ The little devil recalled. 

Iris heard Charz throw "holy shit!" in the background, and grandma Henrietta reprimanded her: "it's 'Holy Jesus'! What language are you using on the eve of the birth of our Lord Savior?"

"Jesus was born over two thousand years ago, he can handle curse words," Mary followed up. "What language are you using in the presence of _my_ _baby?_ He's starting to repeat the words he hears!"

Iris reflected that this might be the last time she showed up to a family event. Or maybe she could guilt-trip Barry into going to med school, so they could at least visit the Elliotts in Chicago once in a while?

"Iris raised me?" Barry repeated, his voice loud but still controlled, probably because Iris was begging him to take it easy by squeezing his hand. "Helping a kid do his homework and re-heating his dinner is _raising him?_ Three to five times a week, a couple hours at a time, half a day on rare occasions?"

He laughed with no humor whatsoever, shaking his head and rubbing his forehead with his free hand while Iris vainly begged her mom to intervene by looking at her with her best puppy eyes. But D.A. West sadly shook her head.

 _ **Mama's right, let them hash it out!**_ The little devil commented. **_All my money on Barry, obviously._**

 _This isn't a game_ _!_ Iris shouted in her head as she focused back on the conversation that was hammering the last nails to the coffin of her relationship with her dad. He was going too far, not just making ridiculous direct accusations about Barry but indirect ones about her too.

"I admittedly don't know that much about raising a child, but there are three generations of parents in this house," Barry asserted. "I very much doubt that anyone here would agree with your claim that Iris raised me, Joe!"

"It's 'Joseph' to you, _Bartholomew!_ " Detective West corrected him. "And don't you raise your voice at me, boy! Just because you can pass for an adult doesn't mean—"

"I'm not passing for an anything, _Joseph,_ " Barry interrupted. "I _am_ an adult. I can drive, I can vote, I can donate my blood and organs and I can enroll in the military. I was actually able to drink in Star City for three months after I turned eighteen, but I _didn't_ because I don't care about alcohol. What I care about is knowing how I can convince you that _I'm serious_ about Iris!"

"If uncle Joe don't wanna, _I_ can walk Iris down the aisle," Iris heard Bobby say somewhere. "Dude sounds pretty serious to me..."

 _"You're_ the one who's not serious getting ahead of yourself like this," grandpa Ben chided at the same distant volume. "In Joe's absence, it would be _my honor_ to give Iris away, or your dad's."

"We know that you're serious about Iris, Barry," Francine admitted as her husband fumed in silence. "Just give us some time to get used to the idea—"

"Then why did you invite me _tonight_?" Barry questioned, sounding very confused. "If you needed time, why did you invite me to a family event less than two weeks after Iris told you about us?"  


Oh, honey...

"Because I thought that Iris would have the _decency_ to come up with an excuse for your absence," Detective West admitted.

"The person who's lacking decency here is _you_ , son," grandpa Ben intervened, walking up from the dining room along with grandma Henrietta. "What's the meaning of this?"

"All due respect, sir, but this isn't your problem," Detective West told his retired cop dad.

"You made it our problem the moment you tried to use us _all_ to bully the kids!" His retired school principal mom countered sternly as she glared at her younger son, then softened her gaze when she turned towards Barry and Iris. 

"I can't believe than none of us recognized you, sweetie," she told Barry with an apologetic smile. "You were there at Iris' high school graduation, along with your father. How's he doing?"

"He's doing great ma'am, thank you for asking," Barry replied politely.

"His name is Henry, uh? I'll remember this time: it's the male version of the missus' name," the West family's patriarch commented as he wrapped an arm around his wife.

"Kids nowadays say 'wifey', not 'missus'!" The West family's matriarch corrected her husband.

From different corners of the house, people loudly objected to the statement with "nuh-uh!", "nope!", "A for effort!", "grandma, no!"

Barry and Iris smiled gratefully at her way of clearing the air. Even Iris' mom chuckled.

"You're an undergrad student then," Ben West commented with a slight frown. "But you teach in undergrad at CCU too, don't you, flower?" He then asked Iris.

She couldn't help smiling at the pet name before she calmly nodded. "Our relationship is allowed by the student-teacher fraternization rules," she informed her grandfather in anticipation to his next question.

"Because you knew each other before joining the university," her grandmother guessed with a nod of her own, but then she squinted her eyes at Iris. "Having the school's authorization to pursue your romance won't stop the... _judgemental_ looks and remarks," she added, stressing out the word 'judgemental' as she momentarily glared at her son, then stared at Barry. "And bullying exists even in college."

It did, but Iris wasn't very worried about Barry. He was surrounded by good friends, and he'd repeatedly reminded her that Oliver had made him 'bully-proof'. Nice pun, Allen.

"To be honest, ma'am," Barry spoke up with an even, serene voice, "I'm way too happy being Iris' boyfriend to waste time and energy on strangers who are somehow bothered by our relationship. I'm only concerned about the opinions of the people who matter to me and Iris," he added with an intense gaze on Iris' dad.

"You know what _my_ opinion on your relationship is!" The active cop almost growled.

"Lower your voice, Joseph," grandma Henrietta ordered. "The rest of us like the boy well enough, in any case."

"Emphasis on the word _boy!_ " Iris' dad stressed out as he waved a hand at Barry. "He's gone to great lengths to look older but—"

"Yes, the age difference is undetectable," grandpa Ben noted critically.

"Which means that no one would know unless _you_ go around yelling about it," grandma Henrietta argued to her son.

"And if you're being so intolerant because you're worried about _your own_ reputation, son," the former cop asserted quietly, keeping that part of the conversation between the six of them, "maybe stop acting so childishly. The kid sounds more mature than you, Detective."

"Pa!" Iris' mom exclaimed as Iris herself felt her jaw drop.

She'd known that grandma Henrietta was more open-minded that most, it was a given from the former principal of the first secular high school in Keystone City; but Iris had never realized that grandpa Ben was as passionate about calling people out for their...'nonsense'. Iris had actually thought that her dad's father would side with him in some kind of cop solidarity.

She'd changed her mind: she should attend West family's events _more often._

"Yes, Madam the D.A.?" Grandpa Ben replied to her mom. "What do you have to reproach your daughter for dating a legal adult who's still a teenager?"

"The lawyer in me has nothing to reproach Iris for her dating Barry," Francine answered right away.

Iris' heart skipped a bit as she waited for the rest of her argument.

"The mother in me is relieved that her daughter found someone who knows her well enough to make her happy despite the complicated nature of their relationship," Iris' mom declared solemnly, gripping her husband's arm to keep him quiet when he was about to speak up.

"You break my baby's heart, and I'll figure out a way to get _you_ in trouble with the law, young man," she then threatened Barry, who immediately nodded his consent. 

Iris appreciated that he made no public promise to never hurt her, even though she knew that's what he was thinking. 

All in all, this family gathering had been less stressful than she'd anticipated , but Iris was upset that her dad went to sulk in the kitchen when she, Barry, Linda and Ian said goodbye and wished everyone a Merry Christmas.

* * *

4.

"Donnie, _why_ did we not smuggle Iris West in one of Barry's suitcases five years ago?" Grandma Elena asked with so much genuineness that it took a while for Barry to react.

"Grandma!" He exclaimed at the same time as uncle Donald whined "Mom!"

"What? Look at her! She fits right in!" The head of Thompson Realty pointed out at a lower volume as she headed for the stairs.

She and Uncle Donald had just delivered their welcoming speech for the gala from the mezzanine, and Barry had just stood there to represent the new family generation. Christopher was too young to be exposed to the public scrutiny.

Christopher was hopefully long asleep right now, back at the Thompson Manor, even if it wasn't his parents or Barry who'd tucked him in.

Or Iris. She'd become the toddler's favorite person for the past three days, as suggested by the fact that 'eyes' was his most spoken word now.

'Eyes' was the two-year-old's way of saying 'Iris', and no one had even tried to correct him because one: it sounded close enough to her actual name; and two: Iris' eyes were one of her most striking features, so it was very possible that Christopher was truly calling Iris 'eyes' because that's what drew him to her, the way he called grandma Elena 'yed' because she always wore something red.

Like most women in the ballroom tonight, Iris was wearing _something red_ , and so far Barry hadn't resisted kissing it out of her lips in front of the most respected members of the pompous high society in Star City. The kisses were chaste, but it was a good thing thay the lipstick was stainless.

He wasn't disrespecting Iris' opinion of public displays of affection in this instance: they'd agreed ahead of time that chaste kisses were allowed for this specific event, as it was a healthy way to satisfy their exhibitionist kink.

But Barry wouldn't mind for a second if all those men would reserve their appreciative gazes for their own dates. It was undeniable that Iris was _mesmerizing_ in that floor-length dress, which showcased her curves even though it wasn't excessively tight; the slit running up to her thigh gave a tantalizing peek of her shapely left leg; and the fact that her upper back was exposed had knocked out the air out of Barry's lungs when he'd first placed his hand there, because the cap sleeve cut in the front had first fooled him into thinking that only her arms were uncovered. But Barry knew that, without a doubt, it was the contrast of her skin against rose gold of that [sequin gown](https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/dessy-collection-elle-cap-sleeve-sequin-gown/5132274) that caught everyone's attention. 

When his grandmother said that Iris fit right in, she actually meant that she _stood out_ from the crowd, just like the rest of the Thompsons. This end of the year gala wasn't just a New Year's Eve into the New Year event: it was also held in celebration to the one hundred and fiftieth anniversary of the family's company. Therefore, all the guests showed up wearing the gold and red colors of the TR logo on their person. The men wore conservative black or earth-toned tuxedos, only daring red or gold from pocket squares, ties or bowties. The ladies were a bit bolder by donning red dresses and golden jewelry or golden dresses and red shoes or clutches. Barry had detected a few who had imitated Carla's fashion statement from the previous year: a red dress with gold accents on the bodice as well as gold lining at the neckline and at the hem. 

But of course Carla was wearing something totally different this year: she was dazzling in an ombre wine red and rose gold [gown](https://www.tradesy.com/i/terani-couture-ombre-wine-red-and-rose-gold-gown-long-formal-dress-size-10-m/25876163/). Uncle Donald was in a tan pinstripe three piece [suit,](https://www.macys.com/shop/product/bar-iii-mens-slim-fit-tan-pinstripe-linen-three-piece-suit-separates-created-for-macys?ID=10474935) a gold bowtie and maroon oxfords. Barry's own red wine [suit](https://www.dhgate.com/product/wine-red-man-handsome-groom-classic-wedding/385754555.html#seo=WAP) with golden buttons and cuffs matched grandma Elena's own conservative double-breasted blazer [set](https://modesens.com/product/adam-lippes-red-women-textured-double-breasted-blazer-orange-14087316/), and it was a good thing that his satin shirt was gold because he'd completely forgotten his gold tie. It was Iris' fault.

"Look at them," Barry's grandmother reformulated her sentence as the three of them reached the bottom of the stairs. "Look at us," she added with a fond smile at her son and grandson when she turned to face them both.

Barry detected a hint of sorrow in her bright gaze, and he felt the sense of loss shared by all three of them, born from his mother's absence. He reached out to place a hand on the CEO's right elbow at the same time as uncle Donald put his hand on her left shoulder.

"Mom," the COO of Thompson Realty whispered in sympathy.

But as always, the widow of the original president of the now billion-dollar company put up a good front: she stood a little taller and flashed them a smile with her perfect fake teeth.

"Under my leadership, this family has gone from bankrupt and ugly to wealthy and beautiful," she claimed lightly as she pivoted on her heels and walked towards her guests.

"How can you take credit for _everyone's_ good looks?" her son challenged, rolling his eyes behind her back. "Carla and Iris aren't your blood."

Barry was about to clear his throat behind his fist when Elena stopped abruptly, turned around and alternatively pointed at him and Donald. 

"You got your good tastes in partners from _me!_ " She asserted before resuming her walk, leaving the two men speechless.

"She didn't like Carla from the start, right?" Barry asked his uncle after they recovered.

"Not at all," he confirmed with a chuckle. "But hey, at least she's liked Iris long before she met her. Your girlfriend has had it much easier than Carla or even Henry."

That was true. Grandma Elena had liked Iris because Barry's mother had sung her praise during the Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners of Barry's seventh year, the last year she'd been in good health. Iris was also well-respected for single-handedly stopping Hartley from bullying Barry. Everyone knew that nothing had worked before then because Hartley was the Rathaways' only son. The Thompsons were wealthy but only known in the Pacific Northwest, whereas Rathaway Industries was a multinational company. Nobody liked them, but everyone pretended to respect them and made sure to invite them to their parties to attract potential business partners. 

Speaking of: _there_ was Hartley, halfway into the huge ballroom, laughing with the Palmer twins and Felicity. Felicity who was still avoiding Oliver, though he and his fiancée were anyway busy interacting with a few business partners and politicians.

As if he heard Barry's thought of him, the CEO of Queen Consolidated looked his way right after he and Dinah Laurel Lance excused themselves from a group of older women. Oliver threw an obvious glance at Iris, who was genuinely invested in a conversation with...the mayor, right? Oh, he was Oliver's future father-in-law, Quentin Lance! And a former police officer, if memory served. Of course Iris would be able to keep up with the other people in the group despite being much younger and being from out of state. Barry remembered being impressed by the way Iris was able to debate political views with her parents and his. Ah, he had no idea what party she was affiliated to, he'd always assumed that she voted green like his parents.

"Dad, you actually made it, what a surprise," Dinah Laurel teased her father as she and Oliver reached the small crowd gathered around the mayor at the same time as Barry did. "I expected you to work overtime for the good of the people, not to come party _with_ the people."

Everyone laughed or chuckled at the joke, but Barry's attention was on Iris only, as hers was on his even before he slipped his left arm behind her to hold her at the waist.

"That was a nice speech, well done," she commented in a whisper.

"None of the words from that nice speech was mine, but thank you," he replied playfully.

"Right, I should've known that she's _your_ date!" Mayor Lance exclaimed as he turned his attention to them. "You're the only other person from Central City that I know, Barry! How are you?" He asked as he extended his hand.

"I'm glad to be back in Star City, thank you, Mr. Mayor," he half lied as he shook his hand. "I for one thank you for coming. Your presence lends this party much more credibility."

A few nods and short words of agreement from the other guests.

Good. Now, could he whisk Iris away for a minute or ten? He'd been to this art center before, he knew of an unused room right next to a fancy restroom—

"It's true that with kids like us attending, this elegant event loses a bit of its class," Hartley's voice came behind him.

Oh, great.

"The young mister Rathaway," Quentin Lance said flatly, and didn't offer his hand when Hartley stood in his vicinity. "Is this a Central City invasion?" He joked to distract his audience from his cold welcome.

Barry and Iris tried to extricate themselves from the group with Felicity's help, and Ray looked confused by his girlfriend's sudden urge to check the small art gallery in the room next door but he seemed fine following her lead.

"Well, a professor and two students are hardly the type of people one expects to lead an invasion," Hartley argued calmly.

He better not go where Barry thought he was going. He better not!

"Oh, you're a faculty member!" Mrs. Lance chimed in. "No wonder you're so articulate. I mean no offense, of course I expect a cop and lawyer's daughter to know a thing or two about law enforcement and politics, but you do look very young."

"And here I was thinking that Barry Thompson _was_ the professor. He does look the part," someone said in the crowd, eliciting a few chuckles.

Iris' hand in Barry's squeezed in sympathy. Another bootlicker who assumed that he was uncle Donald's son.

"That's a fair assumption, since Barry's very smart and has always been...precocious," Hartley stated with a barely subtle smirk at Iris. "Isn't that right, Miss West?"

Where the fuck did that failure of a bully think he was right now?

"Actually, Hartley's the precocious one," Iris countered with a fake smile, addressing the crowd even though she was staring back at Rathaway. "He was Barry's T.A. this past semester even though they're both freshmen. It's great that they know each other, right? Hartley ended up taking points off Barry's grade, but they both knew that it was just an accident."

She was the only one to chuckle, because no one was buying that.

"Well, I'm sure that you were more meticulous helping Professor Stein grade the final exams," she kept going. "Didn't _overlook_ anything, right?"

Barry's eyes went as wide as Hartley's when silence fell around them.

_Holy fucking shit._

Osgood Rathaway was known for his ruthless business practices, and his CFOs had recently been accused of extorting money. Mr. Rathaway had defended his accountant by claiming that he'd made an honest, human mistake that had led him to 'overlook the discrepancies in the books.'

Barry saw Oliver look away when he couldn't contain his smile.

"Well, that's why CCU makes us use those softwares to adjust grades and calculate medians, averages and such," the English teacher added magnanimously. "You definitely know how use them better than me, Hartley. I always have to ask for the help of brilliant tech people like Felicity and Ray here."

That made everyone relax, and the mayor went on to entertain the small crowd with his very own latest technology disaster.

"Let's check out that art gallery, yeah?" Iris prompted Barry, Felicity and Ray.

Sydney directed a blushing Hartley to the canapes table, but he caught Barry's eye and ostentatiously took his phone out of his pocket.

 _ **What's the age gap? Is there actually an age gap?**_ The youngest Palmer asked.

Barry rolled his eyes.

To be fair, Iris did look exceptionally young tonight, maybe because she'd strategically put on a fair amount of makeup to mask her signs of tiredness. All the waking hours she hadn't spent with Barry's family or friends, she'd invested reading hundreds of word doc pages. She'd been dedicated to get all her grading done three days before the deadline, the same way she would've if she'd been home.

After Barry had called her to wish her a merry Christmas, grandma Elena had sent him a subject-free email forwarding the confirmation notice for the purchase of two flight tickets from the Central City to Star City, plus the confirmation of the reservation of a terrace suites at the new Star City Plaza Hotel at the beach (leased to by Thompson Realty, of course). Barry would've ignored his grandmother if Iris herself hadn't insisted he show up to celebrate the family's milestone.

"Dude," Ray whispered next to him with one arm crossed over his chest, the opposite hand holding a flute of champagne Barry hadn't see him grab.

 _ **How many?**_ the older Palmer twin asked in Morse, tapping a finger on his upper arm.

Barry appreciated his assumption that he was proficient in the coded language.

 _ **Ten,**_ he tapped concisely in letters, which coincidentally allowed him to type the exact same thing on his phone screen and tap 'send' to Sydney.

He'd guessed that Ray was asking about the age gap between him and Iris, just like his twin.

Ray's eyebrows rocketed up, then he smiled widely.

"Cheers, man," he said before downing half of the champagne.

Iris and Felicity turned around, their inspection completed, and started walking back towards them. 

"If you can beat a ten-year gap, I can kick Oliver Queen out of Felicity's heart," Ray whispered before he fully emptied the flute.

Oh. 

OH.

"Sure you can," Barry encouraged with a tap on his shoulder. "Anything I can help with, you just tell me, okay?"

"Wait, seriously?" Ray reacted loudly, probably thinking that Barry would rather have his two best friends be together.

He used to, but not anymore. Oliver had confessed that he'd actually fallen for Dinah Laurel, and he was freaking out about it like a regular fool in love. Barry was happy for his guy best friend, and he wanted his girl best friend to find love too. Eventually. She wasn't planning on getting married in three months, nor in three years for that matter.

"Seriously what?" Felicity asked, her eyes squinting behind her glasses. "I'm not sure I'm comfortable watching my date and my best friend whispering things I can't hear."

"Hey, you and Iris were whispering things I couldn't hear over there," Barry pointed out as he opened his right arm to let Iris wrap both of hers around it.

"You and Iris are probably like, psychically linked or something," she argued as she jutted her chin at their linked arms.

Just because they didn't need to look at each other to cross elbows without bumping arms? She was hilarious. Also...

"That can't be science," Barry deadpanned when Iris mumbled the same thing.

Oh.

"You remember!" They exclaimed in unison yet again as they looked fondly at each other.

'That can't be science' was what Barry had said when he was eleven in reaction to the scene in 'The Matrix' movie when Trinity revived Neo with a kiss and Neo immediately became the One. Barry would never forget that moment amongst so many of their movie nights (or rather afternoons back then) because Iris had laughed so hard at his clear disapproving tone, which was admittedly hypocritical because he'd seen more scientifically inaccurate scenes in his favorite animés. She'd laughed so hard that she'd ended up sliding down sideways, her forehead on his shoulder, and from that close Barry had been able to hear all the details of her melodious laughter. He'd ended up laughing too.

"Is that a famous quote from a movie I miraculously don't know about?" Felicity asked with a deep frown.

"Nope," they answered as they turned back to her with the same complicit smile.

"Then I rest my case," she declared seriously while waving at their extravagant outfits. "Gold standard, literally."

"Hey, we were friends for a long time!" Iris explained after giggling at the way the IT genius rolled her eyes every time they moved in sync.

Eventually, Barry had to go back and play the gracious host. Having Iris by his side made it a hundred times easier and more enjoyable than the four previous years. He was infinitely grateful for her perseverance, as she corrected every single person who called him Thompson.

"He looks so much like his uncle, I know! I was shocked when I first met Donald! But Barry's ears are all Allen, I assure you!" She even told one stubborn board member of Queen Consolidated when the latter claimed that she'd known the Thompsons since she and Elena met on the playground and that Barry looked just like 'his father' when he was his age.

"My ears, huh?" Barry asked Iris playfully nearly three hours later, after they'd locked themselves in that room on the first floor, instead of crowding themselves with everybody else on the balconies to get a good view of the fireworks.

There would be other fireworks, and each time the show was grander than the previous one. But every hour, every minute Barry spent with Iris was unique and precious. Especially because he'd spent _none of them_ making love to her for the past five days.

"Your ears? Sure babe," she whispered breathlessly before tracing the tip of her tongue down the helix of his right ear, making him shiver and laugh at the same time. 

He paused the three fingers he had inside her pussy and eased the pressure of his thumb on her clit. He licked her complaining moan at the interruption directly from her tongue. 

Right now Iris didn't get the reference to her own words because she was already halfway delirious from pleasure, and Barry still had trouble comprehending the fact that he had that power on her: to make her needy for his touch, for his kisses, for his cock.

The power to make her needy for _his love_. God, that's all he'd ever wanted, to be allowed to love her every way he could. The most rewarding part of it all was that she trusted him implicitly not to push her beyond her limits. The only time she'd used their safe word, "flash," was when he'd tried to tempt her away from her grading on the morning before their flight to Star City, though she herself hadn't been happy to skip on a little exercise before sitting down for four hours, however comfortable their first class seats had been. Little had they known that they wouldn't have sex for five whole days.

That needed to be remediated quickly.

"Um, wait...Iris! Let me grab a condom, baby," Barry requested as he reached for her clutch.

"Oh my God, Bear, I love that," she let him know in one shallow breath. "Please call me baby again. You've never called me anything other than my name before."

"Because your name is so pretty, baby," he explained sincerely, fumbling a bit to open the small bag with one hand—

He almost dropped it to the floor when it vibrated at the same time as a firework exploded in the night.

"Damn it!" Iris whined before she scooted away from him, letting out a quiet "fuck" at the wet sound his fingers made slipping out of her. Good thing, because he'd almost soaked his cuffs.

"It's probably Linda, I didn't check in after we got here," she speculated as she opened her flat purse with clumsy fingers. "I need to thank her for making me pick this—shit!"

"What?" Barry asked with a frown, tilting his head to look at her phone screen. 

**Dad**

"Shit," he echoed her before grabbing wet wipes from the open clutch to clean his hand.

"It's just a phone call Barry, no need to look presentable," Iris pointed out when he was about to step away from the table to get Iris' panties from the internal pocket of his abandoned jacket.

"I'll probably need you to fuck me harder after this," she speculated sadly, and his heart and brain short-circuited for a second because of the clash between his sympathy for her and the anticipation of being a little rougher with her than he'd initially planned.

She took a deep breath before picking up the call and putting the phone against her ear, readily grabbing the hand he offered her in support.

"Hi dad...not too bad, how have you been? Yeah...Done with my grading already, before the new year as always, you know it...dad can we not...what? Right now? No, I mean, yes, he's here—"

Barry gently took his hand away from hers as it started sweating because Joe was definitely asking to talk to _him_. He smiled sheepishly when Iris watched him wipe his palms on his pants.

How had he been so calm on Christmas Eve? Maybe he'd been too energized from hanging out with Iris' wonderful relatives. But the event tonight had depleted the energy he reserved for dealing with difficult people.

"I'm putting you on speaker, dad— _no!_ Either I get to hear what you tell him or you don't talk to him at all! Okay, one second..."

She gently placed her phone on the table and stared at him before she tapped on the speaker icon.

"Hello?" Joe West's voice invaded the air around them, and Barry was really feeling uncomfortable being able to hear it while Iris' dress was still bunched up around her hips.

"Hi Jo—Joseph," he stuttered a bit, yep great start of a conversation. Shit.  "Ah, Happy New Year! It's already...It's a quarter past one in Central City," he realized out loud, distracted but grateful when Iris pulled down her dress.

"That's true," Iris she confirmed evenly. "Happy New Year, dad. Is mom awake?"

"I don't think so," Joe answered evenly. "And this new year hasn't been happy so far."

Why? Because Iris wasn't there? Would she have spent new year's even and the new year at her parents' if she'd been single, or with a boyfriend he approved of?

"I'm at the station," the Detective informed them, "typing up my first preliminary report of the year about a homicide that's shaping up to be an accidental suicide. A college kid falling off the fourth floor of a building. Not sure if he even made it into the new year, no witness has come forward yet, it wasn't his place and he was all cold from the weather and light clothing when first responders got there. We're still waiting on an estimated time of death. At least he was definitely too drunk to feel any pain. I just shared the news with his mother...can't get her screams out of my head."

"Oh my God, dad! That's so awful," Iris reacted with genuine sympathy, her voice breaking up a bit before she gripped Barry's wrist a bit too tightly.

"Sorry that you had to be the bringer of such terrible news, Detective," Barry contributed.

"Barry, I owe you an apology," Joe said, and Barry was sure that his eyes got even wider than Iris upon hearing it. "I owe you two several apologies in fact. Let's start with the most recent one because I cursed Barry under my breath as I was typing up this report."

"Pardon?" Barry asked automatically when Iris shouted "dad!"

"The first thing I thought when I left the likely crime scene was that this could've been you, kid," the detective confessed forlornly. "That student had no business being drunk, he was nineteen, but that's what _teenagers do_ : dumb things that can end up very badly. Then I remembered that you said that you don't drink, that you've been able to drink in Star City but you haven't so far. But you had that fake ID all those years ago, at the age when teenagers are even dumber...Have you really not had any alcohol at all?"

"He hasn't," Iris answered firmly.

Neither had _she_ since they'd started dating. Barry had assured her that he didn't mind, that he wouldn't feel tempted if he saw her consume alcohol, and like the adorable girlfriend that she was she'd said that he already made her feel drunk and high on love, so adding alcohol to the mix was unnecessary. He'd jokingly warned her that he'd eventually make her as addicted to his love as she was addicted to caffeine.

He secretly meant it.

"I've had alcohol cooked down in food, actually," Barry corrected her claim with a fond smile. "Oh, and I vividly remember a sip of my dad's white wine that went down the wrong way. I naively thought that it was apple juice. I was five, I think? But I've had no alcohol consumption in the conventional sense, no. That fake ID was just so I'd be able to hang out with my older friends in clubs."

There was a short silence before the cop spoke again.

"So there, I'm sorry for thinking that you could ever die as stupidly as the teenage victim tonight," Joe apologized. "And I'm sorry for humiliating you on Christmas eve—"

"You didn't humiliate me, J...Detective," Barry replied automatically, surprised when he saw Iris wince quietly.

"Indeed, I'm the one who ended up getting lectured," Joe recalled bitterly.

"Oh, no, that's not what I meant!" Barry made sure to specify. "I meant that you _couldn't_ have humiliated me, Joseph—"

"Barry, just call me Joe," the cop allowed him.

"Right, thanks Joe," Barry replied, exchanging a shocked gaze with Iris. " _No one_ can humiliate me for being younger than Iris. I'm not ashamed of it, that's who I am and that will never change. Do I wish that I were older? I used to, because I knew that the age gap would cause problems for Iris if she ever accepted me as her partner. But since she's fine with me being nine years, eight months and twenty one days younger than her, then there's nothing for me to be ashamed of."

"You know your age difference to the day?" Joe's voice carried the surprise displayed on his daughter's face as she stared at Barry. "I shouldn't...I shouldn't be surprised. I've watched you be aware of everything related to Iris since the day we met, Bartholomew Henry Allen."  


"Dad," Iris warned.

"Let me finish, baby girl," the cop requested. "I watched you, Barry, go from having the cutest crush on her to steadily falling in love with her, and I then one day your feelings weren't cute anymore. You were...you _remain_ the nicest child I ever got to interact with, Barry Allen—"

"Did you just say that in the presence of your own daughter?" Iris questioned incredulously.

"You're a close second, baby girl," her dad teased her before getting serious again. "Barry, your love for my daughter was too mature, too serious, by the time puberty hit you. And it _terrified_ me, not just because of the scandal that would forever tarnish Iris' reputation if anyone ever misinterpreted your relationship, but because in my line of work I've seen enough cases of sexual abuse that —"

What. The. Fuck.

"Jesus, dad!" Iris shouted, her volume rivaling the sounds of the fireworks.

"Stop interrupting me, young lady!" Detective West complained.

"Stop using graphic language!" She talked back. "And four years ago, you said that you _didn't_ suspect me of being able to touch Barry inappropriately!"

"He meant the other way around, Iris," Barry corrected her assumption as the canapés and virgin cocktails churned in his stomach.

"Oh," Iris reacted ever so quietly, blinking repeatedly. "Right, right."

If Barry hadn't already known that it was Joe who'd put the idea in Iris' head that he was capable of abusing her trust four years ago, this right there would've been his clue. Her knee-jerk reaction was always to put herself in the position of the aggressor, of the one in the wrong. She would've never accused him of...

Ironically, now that he was back in Star City, Barry didn't feel hurt about Joe's rejection all those years ago anymore. Yes, Joe had known him for years, but Barry had been living with his rich family for months when he'd asked for his blessings. Barry had overlooked that part. There were disturbing statistics about _rich teenage boys_ forcing themselves on older women, mostly house keepers, _babysitters, and at-home tutors_. 

When he was fourteen, Barry had intellectually understood what Iris had alluded to when she'd asked him what he would do if he ever got 'frustrated' with her not returning his feelings, but he'd never truly imagined...

**_ "Oh, Barry. You actually were a good boy. Still a little shit, but you had your own way of respecting Iris' boundaries. I'm finding it cute four years later." _ **

That's what Linda had meant, wasn't it? The implications had flown right over his head. He was eighteen and sexually active now, not a lovesick fourteen year-old virgin, yet stuff like that still evaded him at times. 

"Maybe I would've trusted Barry if you hadn't been so permissive with him, Iris," Joe accused his daughter this time, making her roll her eyes. "You had no clue! I almost lost it when you invited him to stay over in the bedroom next door to yours on that Thanksgiving, but he was smart enough to decline the invitation. _I effectively lost it_ when I found out that you'd spent the following night alone with him until some ungodly hour, wearing a dress that was probably going to inspire his wet dreams."

"Dad!" Iris admonished her father sharply.

Barry felt himself blush, because he knew that Iris knew that what her father had just said was true.

"But I'm sorry for making you end your friendship, baby girl," Joe apologized next, giving Barry a bit of a whiplash. "In hindsight, I know with fair certainty that Barry would've _tried_ his best to never cross the boundaries that _he'd_ established between you two. You were oblivious to him, but he wasn't oblivious to you. Except for that one comment about him not needing to wait until he was legal if you loved him back—"

"I'm sorry for saying that, Joe," Barry spoke up. "I'm so sorry for making you worry. I didn't mean it. I lashed out because I was upset at your reaction. I didn't know that you were scared for Iris, it never crossed my mind. I thought that you liked me, that I was special, that, um, compared to Iris' ex-boyfriends," he argued sheepishly as he looked up at Iris, who just sighed, shrugged and rolled her eyes.

"I expected that you'd see me as a better prospect," he kept going. "It was dumb, nonsensical, I really don't know what was going through my head back then. I guess you were right, you couldn't trust me—"

"We'll never know, Barry, because that was four years ago, it's in the past." Joe asserted. "But you're Iris' boyfriend now, and in just one evening you proved that I can trust you with my daughter."

"I did?" Barry asked at the same time as Iris asked "he did?"

"You claimed that you didn't care about strangers," the cop recalled, "only about the people who matter to you and Iris. And you showed that: you got along very well with every family member you interacted with. They all raved about how polite and kind and genuinely interested in them you were, and how in love with Iris you seem through your words and action. Iris' not very close to her mother's family, so most of the family who matters were all in that room. Even Linda was there."

Iris' face brightened up at that, and Barry smiled at the way tears of gratitude gathered in her eyes. He couldn't be sure but it seemed that the colorful glow of a firework had briefly illuminated her face despite the good lighting in the room.

"So, can you _smart_ young man tell me the names of five of those people, as well as their relation to Iris?" Detective West quizzed him.

"Dad!" Iris objected immediately. "He's met them only once in the past ten years! That's not fair!"

"Her grandparents Benjamin and Henrietta West," Barry started the list as he held Iris' knee in reassurance. "He's a retired cop who either works with or volunteers for a security company. She's a former high school principal who's still very much involved with the institution since she's a member of the board of trustees now."

He contained his smug smile at the way Iris gaped at him.

"Go on, son," Joe prompted him, and Barry blanked for a second.

Joe had called him 'son' for the first time since... _When_ was the last time Joe had called him son?

"Iris' uncle and aunt, your older brother Adam West and his wife Janet," he went on. "They couldn't make it to the dinner because they're working on a building project in...Kansas City. Not here—I mean not in Missouri, in Kansas. One of them is an architect, the other is a contractor, I couldn't tell who's which from the conversations."

Iris whispered "no way," and Joe huffed in disbelief.

"Iris' first cousins, Charlotte West and Robert West, who go by Charz and Bobby," Barry kept going. "Charz is either a firefighter or an EMT, Bobby's a lawyer. Bobby's wife Mary works with the Mayor of Keystone City as a community planner. And of course their adorable son Wally. My brain latched onto the full name of Iris' nephew, Wallace Rudolph West, because he's the first person I've met with a name as ridiculously pompous as mine."

Iris giggled and even Joe scoffed in agreement.

"Ah, that's seven people, not five," Barry realized. "My bad."

"Overachiever," Joe chided him as a particularly loud firework made him pause before he kept going. "That's who you want to marry, Iris? A show off?"

He'd said the word 'marry' way too casually, but despite Barry's heart going way faster than it should, he kept his cool.

"Well, I'm a teacher, dad," Iris reminded him as she ran her hand up Barry's right arm and around his shoulder before she nudged him closer. "Other people get annoyed by overachievers, but us teachers appreciate those who learn for the sake of knowledge. If this had been a quiz, I would've given him some extra credits for sure."

Only Joe's voice as he burst in laughter kept Barry from kissing her right there. It wouldn't have been a chaste kiss.

"Well, kids, I gotta go," the detective announced. "Call us again in the morning, will you? I'd like for us to start this year positively. I hope that you can forgive me and accept to move forward."

"Of course Joe, with pleasure," Barry agreed right away, his smile not big enough to express his joy. That didn't matter anyways since Joe couldn't see him.

He blinked when he caught the skeptical expression that flashed on Iris' face before she chimed "yes, dad, thank you so much for reaching out. Happy New Year!"

"Happy New Year," Barry repeated with fake cheer now, but Joe's echoing wishes for the same sounded genuine before he hung up.

"Iris, what's wrong?" He asked her after she put her phone away.

For a moment an awkward silence stood between them even though her hand was still on his shoulder, and he worried that she wouldn't share her concerns, but then she looked at him with a furrow in her brow and let out a sigh of frustration.

"Hey," he called out softly as he took her face with both hands. "Talk to me, Iris. What is it?"

"It was too easy!" She complained as tears brightened her gaze. "For _dad_ , I mean. One phone call, and we're supposed to forgive all that he put us through? Were his apologies even _sincere?_ He asked us to move forward, which means that he doesn't plan on apologizing again _in person_ , he doesn't mean on being truly humbled as faces us and asks for our forgiveness. We didn't even have to grant him our forgiveness right away!"

"But, what would be the point of dwelling on the past?" Barry argued softly. "We're celebrating the new year, welcoming new opportunities to thrive and be happy, so we shouldn't let the past weigh us down. Every second counts, Iris, and I want us to spend them happily, not miserable over our hurts and mist—hmm?"

She'd kissed him. It was a closed-lip kiss but she pressed it hard on his lips, then she took his face in her hands and bent his head down to kiss his forehead.

"You're such a wonderful human being, Barry Allen," she complimented him, but her smile as she said it was sad.

"Yet you look like you're pitying me for being 'wonderful'," he countered playfully as he slipped his fingers in her clutch and pulled out a couple of condoms, split them in individual squares and placed one to the side.

If he used his mouth and fingers on Iris first, he might get her ready for one last shared orgasm before the new year rang for them—in half an hour.

"Bear," Iris called out, stilling his head when he tried to kiss her. "Barry, I trust you with everything: my body, my mind, my soul. I know that you'd never intentionally hurt me."

"Never, Iris," he confirmed. "I love you too much."

"I love you so very much, Barry," she told him back before he returned the bruising kiss she'd given him.

"I'm going to fuck you now, okay?" He announced, struggling to stay in control.

"Yeah, let's finish this year with a bang," she agreed while wiggling her eyebrows.

Laughing hard at her well-delivered pun did make him slow down, and then he remembered to make them remove all their clothes because they couldn't afford to be seen with faux-plis, wrinkles or stains.

"Keep your hair up," he requested when she was about to remove the pins holding her tresses in an intricate updo after she put her earrings away next to his watch and cuffs.

The timbre of his voice was off because he was so turned on.

They really should try not to go more than three days without sex. In two decades or so Barry's stamina would decrease and they wouldn't be as wild...Nope, that was a big lie, they'd just switch to having all kind of fun with toys. Barry was very much looking forward to using the few Iris had in the drawer of her bedside table when they got back home. But anyways, they really should have as much sex as they wanted.

He wanted to spend a big part of the first day of the year cuddling, too. And help Iris re-apply her purple nail polish, which she'd removed for the event. Oh, and she was definitely going to switch from straight to curly hair, and she'd promised to show him how to do twists. He just wanted a break from the fancy events (Grandma Elena), the 'casual' lunch meetings (Uncle Donald), the brutal workouts (Lyla and Dig), the skiing (Oliver), the laser tag battles (Felicity, though Iris had taken a liking to it because she was a _scarily_ good shot), and the science seminars and interactive galleries at the renovated science museum (Sydney and Ray).

He just wanted to spend quality time with his teacher girlfriend now that she was done grading. Ah, and they could finally use the large bathtub in their suite to its full potential.

Was he sounding too domestic? Maybe. So what? After all—

"I'm going to marry you, Iris," he reminded his girlfriend, running his hands all over the silky skin of her legs as he ran his lips all over her face and neck. "I'm already...the happiest...person in the world right now, but I'll—I'll be the most grateful person in the world...once we exchange our vows. And—when you put a wedding band on my left ring finger."

"Sorry babe, oh, um...but one: _I am_ the happiest person in the world right now," Iris objected playfully, her breath hitching when he slipped a hand between her legs. "And—ah...oh Barry, don't tease me, it's almost...yes! Fuck, _fuck,_ babe!"

"What was your second point, Miss West?" He teased her verbally after he started pumping two fingers in her pussy and getting so hard from how warm and wet she'd gotten since stripping him of his clothes.

"Can't...can't be," she tried to say as she reached for the fly of his suit pants. "Can't be more grateful than-than me because you're...you're an Allen, you nerd."

His laughter at her reference to the Sindarin expression 'annon allen' turned into a loud moan when she got her hand on his dick. From then onward he couldn't form coherent sentences, but then neither could she. In fact she totally lost it when he kneeled between her legs and made her come once on his tongue before he then made her come on his cock a second time.

They would've gotten caught if the fireworks hadn't been louder than their moans.

"Nerdy joke aside, you're keeping your maiden name, right?" Barry asked her when they were cleaning up in the restroom next door.

Iris did a double take from applying her tempting red lipstick.

"You've gotta be the only man who doesn't want his wife to wear his name," she teased him. "Why do you think that I'd keep my last name? Because I'm thinking of getting a Ph.D?"

Iris had let him know that being an adjunct professor at CCU wasn't too great. Her schedule wouldn't get any better once she'd get a Ph.D, and she'd additionally be expected to get published frequently to obtain and maintain her tenure. But the pay would be better, she'd get to enjoy sabbaticals and she'd get to be called 'Professor West' and 'Doctor West', something that she'd liked for herself but also wanted to do to spite her maternal family.

"Actually, I selfishly want my mom to remain the only Mrs. Allen," Barry confessed as he stared down at his freshly washed hands, then locked eyes with Iris.

Barry's late paternal grandmother, Dawn Garrick, had been engaged but never married to the father of her child, who died in the Vietnam War. Barry's paternal grandfather had been an orphan, so there hadn't been any official Mrs. Allen in a while, not until Nora Thompson had married Henry Allen.

"Is that bad?" Barry asked his future wife. "I _should_ be excited to have you wear my last name, but...I fell in love with _Iris West_ , and I really love your name."

"How about we compromise?" Iris offered as she let her hair down.

People would notice the change, but then they'd be saying goodbye anyways. It was better than people seeing her hickeys.

"I could hyphenate," she proposed. "Iris—"

"West-Allen," he said along with her. "Oh, that sounds great!"

"Of course it does, it's my idea," Iris declared with mock haughtiness.

She didn't sound haughty when he sat her on the counter and started kissing her neck. She probably would've let him eat her out again if a security officer escorting a very drunk guest hadn't knocked on the door and asked if she was okay when she moaned a bit too loudly.

Unfortunately, she didn't let him resume his ministrations even when the officer went away after wishing her a happy new year.

"Flash! Flash!" She called out twice, batting his hands away even though he just wanted to kiss her upper back when she checked her appearance in the mirror again. "Oh my God, Barry, you're a menace."

"A menace, really?" He repeated with mock offense as he placed his hands over his heart instead.

"Yes, a menace!" Iris confirmed between giggles. "To my sanity and decency. Stay away!"

"I think that being able to give you two orgasms within the last ten minutes of last year alone makes me a _superhero_ , not a villain," he argued before stepping away from her and propping his fists on his hips, puffing his chest. "I mean, look, I'm wearing this flashy suit, red and gold. I look the part!"

"Shut up!" She reacted as she braced against the sink in order to remained balanced while her body shook with laughter.

"I am...the Flash!" Barry declared in a dramatic tone as he feigned looking into the distance.

He couldn't not follow Iris in her hysterical laughter. There was no better way to start the year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! Thank you all so much for your support! Now that this is out of the way I can focus on the other fics!
> 
> *"you're going to be okay", singular form. That's my message to each of you as I send you virtual hugs. 
> 
> **If you didn't know, coffee or at least the art of turning the coffee bean into a fancy hot drink originates from Ethiopia. For the longest time I thought that coffee was Italian because of conventional terms like 'espresso' or 'cappuccino'.


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